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Hello! Welcome to my bio.
First off, don’t let the photo fool you. I’m the kind of guy who inspires the phrase “You clean up nice,” followed by a long, uncomfortable eyeroll. A lot of people also say I’ve “still got it.” What that actually means is still under investigation.
Thanks for stopping by. How did you find me—bad Wi-Fi, drunk scrolling, or a series of deeply questionable life choices? Doesn’t matter. You’re here now.
Here are some fun facts about me. After exhausting my other options and burning several bridges, I turned to writing—the last refuge of the terminally unemployable. Well, maybe that’s not totally true. Actually, I’ve always wanted to be a writer.
As for my sense of humor, it peaked in middle school and never emotionally recovered. If you’re looking for highbrow wit or stylized writing, turn around. If you giggle at the word butt, congratulations—you’ve found your people.
If you’re here for top-tier writing, you’re in the wrong place. Try J.K. Rowling or Freida McFadden. I’m an octopus in a windbreaker, banging on the keyboard.
Anyway. That’s me. Please enjoy my books, or at the very least, pretend you did.
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