TL;DR: Poke. Poke. Poke. Then you react — and suddenly you’re the villain. That’s reactive abuse. In this episode, we talk about what it looks like in real life: cheating, Ashley Madison, gaslighting that makes you doubt your own reality, the silent treatment, and the kind of public humiliation that leaves you spiraling… and then getting told, “Wow. You’re crazy.” We also take it into family court and high-conflict co-parenting, where custody threats and lawyer games are used to bait reactions — and your emotional response becomes “evidence” while the original behavior vanishes. If you’ve ever felt like there’s no right way to respond — because your response is the trap — you’re in the right place.

Long Description: Reactive abuse is one of the most misunderstood dynamics in high-conflict relationships — especially in divorce, custody battles, and family court. It is a toxic relationship dynamic and it what happens when someone pokes, provokes, gaslights, humiliates, threatens, or destabilizes you over time… until you finally react. And then your reaction becomes the story.

In this episode of High Conflict Hell, Jen and JeniLynn break down what reactive abuse looks like in real life — not in a textbook, but in marriages, cheating, Ashley Madison profiles, custody exchanges, text messages, and court filings.

We talk about how gaslighting works in real life: how someone can deny, minimize, mock, or manipulate reality until you start doubting yourself — and how that pressure eventually explodes into an emotional reaction that gets used against you. We share stories of affairs, digital breadcrumbs left on purpose, humiliating discoveries, and the moment you’re told, “Look at how crazy you are,” instead of being asked why you were pushed there.

This isn’t just about romantic relationships. We take this straight into high-conflict co-parenting and family court, where reactive abuse becomes a legal strategy. When one parent withholds the kids, files vague motions, sends provocative messages, or lets their lawyer do the dirty work, the goal is often the same: trigger a reaction that can be reframed as instability, harassment, or “high-conflict behavior.”

We talk about:

• How cheating and secrecy (including Ashley Madison) create emotional traps
• How lawyers and custody disputes can be used to bait reactions
• Why vague parenting plans and holiday schedules become pressure points
• How reactions get turned into evidence while the original behavior disappears
• How gaslighting and provocation spill over onto children
• And how women — especially emotional, expressive women — get labeled “crazy” for responding to mistreatment

We also share deeply personal stories, including what it’s like to watch reactive abuse shift from a marriage into co-parenting, and what it feels like when your child starts being gaslit and blamed for reacting to a parent’s behavior.

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too emotional,” “unstable,” “dramatic,” or “high-conflict” — when

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