n this episode, I’m joined by Tess for a conversation that sits very close to my heart: what it’s like to mother without a mother.

I was so grateful to finally have Tess on the podcast to talk openly about her estranged relationship with her mum and how that has shaped her own journey into motherhood. Tess shares honestly about the complexity of being completely estranged from her mother for over 12 years, and how becoming a mum herself brought up old wounds, unanswered questions, and grief she didn’t even realise she was carrying.

We talk about the emotional layers of mothering without that maternal support so many people rely on. The guilt, the expectations, the longing, and the quiet sadness that can show up around moments like pregnancy, postpartum, illness, and milestones where you suddenly realise there’s no one to call. Tess reflects on how having her daughter, Marni, shifted her perspective on her own childhood and deepened her commitment to breaking generational cycles.

We also get into the very real, practical side of things. How not having a mum impacts the logistics of daily life, and why building a support system becomes so important. Tess shares why she chose to hire a doula to help fill some of that gap and how powerful it was to feel supported during such a vulnerable time.

We touch on the emotional heaviness of days like Mother’s Day and other family-focused milestones, and how complicated they can feel when your experience of “mother” doesn’t fit the narrative. Throughout the conversation, we come back to the hope and healing that can exist in creating loving, secure relationships with our own children.

This episode is honest, tender, and deeply validating. If you’re navigating motherhood without a mother, whether through estrangement, loss, or complicated family dynamics, this conversation is for you. You are not alone and it's bloody hard. For those who might not be able to relate, I hope this gives you an insight into the hardship of trying to mother without a blue print.

I would love to connect! Come find me over at @doulamarley @becomingboth

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