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Robert & Lori Crosby: Being Present in Others’ Pain

Robert & Lori Crosby: Being Present in Others’ Pain

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 This week on The Pivot, we had a heartfelt conversation with Robert and Lori Crosby as they shared the vital work of their Reach Hurting Kids Institute. They opened up about what it truly means to apply a trauma-informed lens to ministry, explaining how shifting our perspective is key. Instead of seeing trauma-related behaviors as something to be taken personally, they teach us to see them as opportunities—chances to uncover deeper feelings and support a child’s path toward healing. Robert, with his researcher’s insight, and Lori, with her therapist’s heart, emphasize the power of a relational approach over a rigid, behavior-focused one. They talked about the beauty of flexible planning—the need to “pivot” to meet a specific child’s needs—and, most importantly, the profound importance of ensuring every single child genuinely knows and feels their inherent worth. Thought-Provoking Quotes: “It’s always amazing when you meet people who work in areas that are so heavy, and yet carry themselves so lightly. The area of children’s trauma, that’s as heavy as it gets, and yet [Robert and Lori] carry this joy with them.” - Andrew Osenga“I had the chance to start doing research in the realm of children’s ministry, to research trauma as it intersects with ministry. And pretty quickly I realized this is something I’m really passionate about, and this is a place where the church can have a huge, huge impact.” - Robert Crosby“Some of the clients I was working with were getting kicked out of churches because of trauma-related behaviors. And children kind of interpret that as they’re not good enough to be in the presence of God, which broke my heart.” - Lori Crosby“A trauma-informed ministry leader recognizes the signs and symptoms of trauma. So if a child is hiding under a desk or they’re dysregulated and screaming, the leader doesn’t personalize the child’s emotional dysregulation, but walks alongside them, shows up, sits with them until the child is regulated, and then can help them heal from whatever they’re going through—help them feel safe, feel connected, feel valued.” - Lori Crosby“What is the underlying feeling? How can I minister to that? How can I help them be okay so they can participate and engage and feel part of a community and feel loved, so that the church can be part of that child’s healing process?” - Robert Crosby“You can share God’s love more powerfully by sitting down next to a hurting child and just having a conversation, just checking in with them while you’re building with Legos, maybe sharing a meal. Just showing them Jesus through genuine connection, really being interested in their lives and being curious and open and being present. That speaks so deeply to all of us, I think.” - Lori Crosby“There’s often a disconnect between what we have planned and what a child actually needs. We have to have the freedom to say, ‘Okay, I’m prepared, but we’ve got to pivot and adapt so we can minister to them.’” - Robert Crosby“There’s a correlation between the way a child understands and experiences the church and the way they understand and experience God. We’re a proxy for God in that way.” - Robert Crosby“Relationships are the foundation of this entire approach. It’s getting to know the kids and building rapport and letting them know they’re loved and accepted and unconditionally cared for. This is what’s transformative.” - Robert Crosby“I think sometimes we over spiritualize things. If you have someone struggling with anxiety or depression, and we [share] scripture verses, there’s so much baggage that a child’s bringing in. So if a child has experiences or is still currently under threat, and we’re trying to pray it away or theologically correct their behaviors which are protecting them from harm, that’s not helpful at all.” - Robert Crosby“‘God’s not gonna give you more than you can handle’ is one of the most common misquoted scriptures that just does unfathomable harm to somebody who’s in the midst of trauma.” - Lori Crosby“Maybe the pivot, the shift, is that miracles can happen instantly, but sometimes the miracle is the very long, painful journey we walk.” - Lori Crosby“Just being present in the pain is what is the most helpful, because you don’t get to do or say anything that takes away somebody’s pain. We desperately want to, but the best thing to do is just sit in silence and be a loving presence who listens.” - Lori Crosby Links, Products, and Resources Mentioned:Trauma-Informed Children’s Ministry by Robert and Lori CrosbyReach Hurting Kids InstituteLos Angeles County Office of EducationPromise KeepersTortured for Christ by Richard WurmbrandB.F. SkinnerChurch of the NazareneTrail Life USA Dollywood *Watch this interview on Andrew’s YouTube channel! *All episode music is by Andrew Osenga. Guest’s Links: Reach Hurting Kids websiteRobert and ...
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