Baby, pull up a chair and hydrate, because this week we are running exclusively—exclusively—on Trump‑grade delusion, and that stuff is not FDA‑approved.

We kick things off with Trump jetting off to Davos to once again demand the keys to Greenland like it’s an Airbnb he forgot he didn’t book. And he says he won’t use force… even though he absolutely could… and if he did, it would work… but he won’t… mostly. We don’t know who needs to hear this, but if your sentence has that many escape hatches, you are not reassuring anyone.

Then global markets took one look at his threat to slap 10% tariffs on Denmark and seven other European countries—because they won’t co‑sign his Greenland fantasy—and said, “Oh absolutely not,” before swan‑diving straight into the red. Meanwhile China stepped up to the mic like, “Don’t worry world, we’re the grown‑ups here,” and the rest of the planet nodded like, “Honestly… at this point.”

Back home, federal prosecutors handed out grand jury subpoenas in Minnesota like they were Costco samples—Gov. Tim Walz, Mayor Jacob Frey, and several other Democratic officials all pulled into the Justice Department’s investigation into the Trump administration’s immigration attack in the Twin Cities. And as if that weren’t enough chaos for one week, the DOJ also says it found evidence that members of DOGE accessed and shared Social Security data with a political group trying to overturn election results. Because apparently the coup never clocks out.

And finally—finally—we learn that 58% of Americans think the first year of Trump’s second term is a failure. And we’re just sitting here like… only 58? That’s not a poll, that’s a cry for help.

Join us as we break it all down with love, fury, and the kind of laughter you need to keep from screaming into a throw pillow. The country may be wobbling, but we’ve got the final word.