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Introduction:

I was cleaning our rental unit one morning like I did every time we had guests arriving. I was in a rush to get things done in time to get to the airport and go away for a family vacation. As I made the bed, I noticed that the sheets did not fit and realized the queen-sized sheets had been switched with the king-size sheets. I had to refold the fitted sheet- something that I hate to do and noticed that my heart was racing, and I was feeling physically annoyed. It felt so trivial, and I wondered why something so small could make me mad! But I realized that the root of my anger was at something I had lost, and a belief and story I created. The belief was that when systems are out of place, things will go wrong, and the story was that if things don’t go as planned, I won’t be able to do what I really want to do. The thing that I wanted to do was to get to the airport on time to leave for vacation!

Anger often works with fear and a belief that something will or will not happen that we want to happen. It’s an emotion we feel when there is an injustice- something we believed should have gone a certain way but unjustly, didn’t happen the way it was supposed to. It can be traced back to disappointment over a hope we had for something to happen, an expectation that was not met, or grief over something that wasn’t right. Anger can apply to any kind of grief and loss you are feeling whether it is something big like the death of a loved one as small as sheets getting put on the wrong shelf.

Ephesians 4:26-27 teaches us to “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.” In The New Bible Commentary, G.J. Wenham et all have to say this about these verses:

“(Ephesians 4:26-27) is not an encouragement to righteous anger, it is a warning 'If you become angry, beware!' You are at sin's door' Anger and the related sins of vs 29 and 31 are the epitomai of socially destructive and alienating sins, and so characteristic of the old creation.”

What strikes me about the commentator’s take on anger is his mention of the social destruction and alienation it can cause. It can alienate us from the people we love and those who love us. In vs. 28-32, there is a warning about “corrupting talk that grieves the Holy Spirit” Corrupting talk can be how we act out our anger, and how it affects those around us. But what we often forget is the negative self-talk we direct at ourselves when we expect perfection and view our disappointments as personal failures.

The expectations we put on ourselves to be perfect are a gateway drug to anger. Perfection is the exact opposite of the grace and mercy Jesus offered us at the cross. We are so much harder on ourselves than God is. Jesus wants to bring us to an understanding of how much mercy He has for us, and how He isn’t focused on our failures. He keeps giving us chances to grow and change in His lovingkindness.

During this session, we are going to work on healing disappointment, and how to use self-control so that the emotion of anger isn’t directed to the wrong place. The goal of this session is to #1 Be honest with God and yourself about what disappointments or losses you are experiencing. #2 Identify your loss and how it makes you feel. #3 Identify any connection to a similar loss you felt in your past. #4 Identify any stories or beliefs you created based on your loss. We tend to create a story or belief system surrounding our emotions, trauma, or past events in our lives #5 Declare the truth about how God sees you. #6 Connect God’s character and who He is for you, even when you feel angry.