Welcome to another episode of The Rizzuto Show, the daily comedy show that proves nostalgia is just disappointment with better branding.

Today’s episode kicks off with the downfall of childhood “investments,” as Magic: The Gathering collectors accuse Hasbro of flooding the market and tanking card values — which immediately sends the crew spiraling into baseball card trauma. Remember when a Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card was supposed to pay for college, a house, and early retirement? Yeah… about that.

From there, things take a turn toward the supernatural when we ask the important question: can a rock band curse an NBA team? After an arena employee blames a satanic-looking concert for the Orlando Magic’s losing streak, we dive headfirst into modern Satanic Panic, Ghost’s spooky theatrics, and whether teams should sage their arenas instead of practicing defense.

Then it’s off to Westeros, where the new Game of Thrones spinoff raises serious questions — like where everyone goes to the bathroom, why HBO is obsessed with realism in the weirdest ways, and whether giant fake dongs are now part of the network’s brand strategy. Things escalate quickly as the crew debates gratuitous nudity, legacy characters, and which original GoT character would theoretically win a very unnecessary competition.

The back half of this daily comedy show delivers a full round of Crap on Celebrities, including music collabs, Super Bowl ads released way too early, outrageous ticket prices, Dirty Dancing sequels, James Bond movies that aged like milk, and a Ken doll promo video that is genuinely unsettling. Add birthdays, pop culture hot takes, and classic Rizz Show derailments, and you’ve got another beautifully unhinged episode.

If you like your pop culture commentary sarcastic, your nostalgia roasted, and your comedy slightly concerned for humanity — welcome home.

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