It’s another beautifully unhinged daily comedy show, and the Rizz Show crew wastes absolutely no time proving why we can’t have nice things.

First up: the City of St. Louis tries to do something wholesome by offering free salt at firehouses so people can prep for icy sidewalks. Sounds great, right? Wrong. Commercial trucks immediately roll in, scoop up everything like it’s a Costco sample, and leave regular residents staring at empty piles wondering how humanity failed so fast. Libertarian pilot program: officially canceled.

Then we shift to hockey fashion crimes as Moon gets roasted for wearing a Blues jersey that apparently doesn’t meet corporate sponsor requirements. Nothing says “Stanley Cup pride” like being told to remove the most expensive shirt you own. Add cowboy hats, Monster Energy jokes, and a QuickTrip roast, and suddenly Blues Night is already off the rails.

Things only escalate from there. Remember Chimp Crazy? Of course you do. Tanya Haddock is back in the news, appealing her federal prison sentence after lying about a chimp’s death, hiding Tonka in a basement, and allegedly going on the run with him like some kind of primate-themed crime thriller. The crew debates whether “loving animals too much” is a legal defense while imagining U.S. Marshals finding a chimp in her prison cell.

From there, it’s census chaos. Missouri gained population — barely — and the crew tries (and fails) to guess how many people actually live in the state. Texas keeps stealing everyone, Idaho is apparently full of bunkers and cult vibes, and St. Louis gets dragged as one of the “ugliest cities in America” by a mystery comedian who clearly didn’t hit the Zoo (it’s free, by the way).

We wrap with Valentine’s Day pressure, lingerie shopping anxiety, nudie magazine nostalgia, and why buying your partner underwear is either romantic… or a trap.

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