The Retro Breakfast Quiz Show is back for season two, and somehow it has returned even stupider, louder, and more chaotic than a goose on an energy drink. These games are so unbelievably stupid they make David Stupid of Stupidcastle look like he’s teaching advanced quantum physics on weekends.

At the helm, of course, is Retro Mike Kennedy — a man who delivers bad jokes with the confidence of someone who genuinely believes they’re good. He doesn’t skip a beat, mostly because he’s never actually found the beat in the first place. The silly games are plentiful, the nonsense is overflowing, and the dignity? Long gone.

And once again, he’s joined by his loyal contestants — or “victims,” as the authorities have started calling them.

• Young Luke, who is now almost allowed out until 6pm, provided he’s eaten his vegetables and remembered his teddy. Yes, he still needs it. No, he’s not ashamed.
• Wanted Joe, still at large, still wearing disguises so suspicious that even a toddler would say, “That’s not a real moustache.” He remains hidden in plain sight, mostly because no one wants to deal with him.
• Jen, who continues to defy the laws of biology by not being dead yet. Frail, ancient, and held together by tea, biscuits, and pure spite, she soldiers on like a Victorian ghost with a loyalty card.

This season they’re not just playing one silly game — oh no — they’re playing five. Including a brand‑new masterpiece of nonsense called Storytime, where the only rule is that there are no rules and also that Mike will definitely interrupt you.

It’s a laugh a minute, occasionally a scream, and sometimes even a jolt — yes, the electric‑shock kind. Because nothing says “family entertainment” like mild electrocution.

If you want to push this into full‑blown absurdity or turn it into a promo script, I’m ready to dive in.