206. The Architecture Of Self-Respect (Part 1 of 3): The Double Standard That Drives Your Misalignment cover art

206. The Architecture Of Self-Respect (Part 1 of 3): The Double Standard That Drives Your Misalignment

206. The Architecture Of Self-Respect (Part 1 of 3): The Double Standard That Drives Your Misalignment

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 Before We Begin: Seeing Who You AreBefore we can become who we’re capable of being, we have to see who we actually are. And here’s something that may not seem that important: You honour commitments to others much more consistently than you honour commitments to yourself.You show up for other people. You keep your promises to them. You do what you said you would do. But when it comes to the commitments you make to yourself, something different happens. Does that matter?Today is episode one in a three-part series on self-respect, beginning with this quiet contradiction that most people never examine. You’ve been conditioned to treat your own standards as optional. So we’re going to look at this double standard, figure out why it’s at the root of your behaviour, and set the foundation for what you can do about it.Hey there. It’s me, Kore. And you’re listening to Exercising Self-Control: From Fitness To Flourishing, the show where we confront the quiet contradictions that shape your identity.The Double Standard in ActionMost people live with a contradiction they never examine. They treat commitments to others as something to be taken seriously, yet commitments to themselves are negotiable.Consider these examples:* If you tell a friend you’ll be there at six, you show up at six. If you tell yourself that you’ll wake up at six in the morning, you may hit the snooze button. You’ll find out when you get there.* If you promise a co-worker that you’ll complete a project and that it’s going to be delivered on time, you deliver it on time. If you promise yourself you’re going to train today, you may skip it. You’ll find out when the moment arrives.* If you tell someone you’ll help them move, you rearrange your schedule to help. If you tell yourself that you’ll stop a destructive habit, you may delay it another week or two. You’ll find out how you feel, and then you’ll take action. Maybe.You honour others. You negotiate with yourself. You see how things go. You see how you feel like it on the day. That’s an uncomfortable truth. You respect other people more than you respect yourself, it would seem.Now you may not have been doing this consciously or intentionally, but you have been doing it, and it’s clear in your behaviour.Why You Honour Others More Than YourselfSo why do you do that? Why do you honour others more than yourself?There are social consequences for breaking your word to others. There’s embarrassment, judgment. It can create conflict. It can damage your reputation with not only the person you’re dealing with, but anyone that they tell about their experience.However, there are no immediate consequences for breaking your word to yourself. No one calls you out. No one holds you accountable. And no one else sees it happening. You do, but that doesn’t seem to matter.And I’m not pointing to you specifically. I speak as much to myself with these episodes as I’m speaking to anybody else. I am a work in progress, just as we all are works in progress.So, it seems there are no immediate consequences to breaking your own word. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t any. It just means the consequences are not something anyone sees. They’re internal. And as I talked about in the last episode, The Weight You Carry That Isn’t Physical, internal consequences are heavier.The Invisible Cost of Self-BetrayalEvery time you break your own word to yourself, here’s what happens:* You weaken your identity.* You reinforce the belief that your own standards don’t matter.* You teach yourself that you are someone who accepts negotiation as an option.* You create a quiet fracture in your own self-trust.That fracture becomes the weight you carry, the weight I talked about in the last episode.Self-betrayal starts small, but it accumulates. It grows. It becomes that emotional heaviness. It comes from being misaligned.Your Internal ReputationYou’ve built an internal reputation, but you don’t realize what you’ve done.You have a reputation with yourself. You know whether you follow through. You know whether you keep your word to yourself or keep self-promises, and whether those promises mean anything to you.That internal reputation determines your confidence, the momentum that you bring to your behaviour. It shapes your self-image, your self-esteem, and your sense of agency. It determines whether you are someone who can steer your life in the direction in which you want to move.You can’t hide from yourself. You can’t lie to yourself. You can try. But deep down you know. That’s the doubt you carry when it comes to living your values and realizing your goals: “Who’s going to be there in the moment of choice? My Preferred Self or that person who’s let me down so many times before?”The Turning Point: AwarenessThe moment you see the double standard, when you recognize what’s been happening, something shifts for you. You realize you’ve been giving other people the...
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