This episode was recorded March 26th, 2023. Like so many of the of these earlier episodes while Sharon was dealing with her medical challenges, at this time, as yet unknown, I’m posting the episode out of order.

Sharon and I listened to it together tonight and decided it needed to go out now.

There’s no “rational” or “logical” reason. Not really.

It just felt like something that we needed to do.

Around the four-minute mark I talk about November 2nd, 1994. My suicide attempt. And what it means to have gone from that night to a Sunday morning in March 2023 where I can say — I didn't know you could feel this light. This whole. This free. This “unencumbered.”

I genuinely didn't know that such things existed for someone like me.

And then I cry.

On the recording.

I'm fucking leaving it in.

I’m leaving it in not because I want your sympathy.

Not because I'm “performing” some bullshit vulnerability schtick. But because the person who needed this episode is the one who has spent years telling himself that wanting to feel okay, and loved, and wanted, and cherished was some weak-ass, fucked-up shit that only “other” people did.

That needing something to change means something was wrong with me.

That feeling and believing myself to be broken was all that I was ever going to know. Or be.

It wasn’t.

It isn't.

I know that because I lived that life for a very long time.

And I know what it costs.

And I know what's on the other side of it.

You're not broken.

You may not believe that right now.

And that's okay; you don't have to believe it yet.

Just listen.

And decide for yourself.