This week I’m joined by one of my very best friends, Rebecca Kotok, a public school counselor in Maryland and one of the most popular guests in the history of Dear Nina.

Rebecca was first on the show in episode 34, where we talked about our friendship breakup in our 20s and our reconciliation. This time, we’re talking about a different kind of friendship shift: the way approaching 50, loss, and life experiences can soften how we think about friendships that faded, old hurts, and the stories we’ve been carrying for years.

This episode is not about ignoring bad behavior or letting every person back into your life. But Rebecca and I talk about the peace that can come from no longer needing to prosecute every old friendship case in your mind over and over again until the end of time.

• Why friendship breakups and faded friendships can carry so much shame

• How midlife can change the way we understand old friendship disappointments

• Why some friendships fade without anyone being "the villain"

• The difference between being right and being at peace

• How grief and life experience can make us more generous toward other people

• Why you don’t have to reconnect with someone to think about them more positively

• How gratitude, reflection, and therapy can help if a softer, more positive mindset does not come naturally

One of my favorite ideas from Rebecca was that she now attributes perceived slights much less to someone’s character and much more to what that person may have been carrying. That feels like a wiser and "softer" way to move through the world.

• Episode #34: The breakup and reconciliation (with Rebecca Kotok)
• Episode #125: The 10% Rule in Friendship and the Negativity Bias (with Ann Imig)

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