Don't 'read' when your heart is breaking

A beautifully written piece, combining philosophy, psychology, observation and a captivating story absolutely seamlessly, and with such humour and sadness it is unputdownable. The narrator is a skilled storyteller, whose sensitivity to the subject permeates his voice. This book would be perfect for anyone who is single, starting a relationship, in a loving relationship, and in a relationship in trouble who needs some loving guidance and reflection.
But I beg you, do not read/listen to this when you're in the middle of heartbreak. I started listening after watching many School of Life videos on YouTube, finding them fascinating and comforting, and thought this book might help me heal from my break-up from a beloved of 6 years, the wounds of which are only a month old. I got up to a certain point in the story, and suddenly all the pain and grief are just as fresh and overpowering as they were 4 weeks ago when we finally realised, both of us, for the first time, that it was really over. As a consequence I've had a crappy weekend, and feel like I've taken 15 steps back in recovering from this heartbreak.
If I'd waited a few months, when the pain isn't so raw, it would have been immensely healing, but I listened too soon. I'll probably come back to hear the last few chapters in a few months, but for now I just wanted to add a "trigger warning" to this otherwise wonderful book. If your heart is breaking, wait a while. Sending love to all who read this that know the pain I'm feeling right now.

28 people found this helpful

Not for the lonely ...

Alain de Botton meticulously dissects that bizarre and complex creature: the Love Affair. He takes every emotion felt, and every action taken, and - through the magnifying glass of philosophy - analyses the whole process of falling in love. From the moment of the lovers’ first contact, through the heat of their passion, the rage of their arguments and the ridiculousness of their sulks, we hear what the philosophers - ancient and modern - have made of love.

As with everything of Alain de Botton’s that I’ve read, 'Essays in Love' is rich with ideas and beautifully written: he manages to put heart into what could otherwise be rather abstract intellectual concepts. The narrator is somewhat neurotic but in a necessary and likeable way, and I was with him through all of his trials. A wonderful book - brilliantly narrated, too - that is going to stay with me for a long time.

13 people found this helpful

Great

It wasn't what I expected, but it was a brilliant balance between being a novel and a psychological analysis of feelings of love.

5 people found this helpful

intellectual and boring - lacking emotional depth

Got too bored of both Mr DB's books on love. Great idea for a book, but I wonder where nice man might benefit from a therapeutic exercise to calm down the intellect and allow for the emotional, and other aspects of wisdom to thrive.

I prescribe a course of therapy - no shame in that

4 people found this helpful

Not my cup of grey

This wasn’t for me. Some of it was useful and some parts are funny but generally could not connect or relate with the posh narration. I didn’t find it consistently universal or ironically clear about the specifics of a very upper middle class perspective/experience of romance. In fairness I can see others might enjoy tho

2 people found this helpful

A heartbreakingly exploration of romantic love

This novel is a heartbreakingly painful exploration of romantic love which follows the story of a relationship from its tender beginnings to its bitter end and subsequent evaluation.

The relationship is that of a nameless, male narrator, who is an over-thinker, and Chloe, a highly-strung, high-maintenance, young woman. Although the affair is very petty bourgeois (they meet on a plane from Paris, have dates at art galleries and pretentious restaurants and argue about literature), it represents some common stages of many relationships, the expectations, emotions, miscommunication and various other pitfalls.

What's wonderful about the book is the forensic and brutally honest analysis of each stage of a relationship in chronological order. Also, the philosophical analysis of romantic love and the thoughts and feelings of the protagonists. Obviously, much of the analysis is de Botton's own, he is a great thinker, and when you explore a relationship through the lens of sharp, critical thinking there is an inevitability about the conclusion.

There are many toe-curlingly, embarrassing moments, self-doubt and exchanges which may make you want to joint a holy order committed to celibacy.

Even though the reader can see the end coming a long way off, it's worth sticking around to witness the conclusion and poke through the debris of what is left.

There is beauty and pain here which are essential ingredients of novels and there is the absence of any preaching or cliché.

The book maybe a difficult read for many but hopefully it can help people to better understand the complex forces at work in relationships. If two people in love, who both desperately want a relationship to work, but can't and, in fact, end up hurting each other and destroying the relationship; what hope is there for international diplomacy?

This is the best book I have read on this topic by some distance. James Wilby is faultless in the reading of this model.

1 person found this helpful

A beautiful analysis of one love story

A beautiful analysis of one love story. Many of its musings can apply generally. Audio performance was spot on.

Journey through a romance

It’s a very intriguing experience, I think, even a little bit cruel for Chloe. Every feelings they share, love they made, comes into my mind. The gaze, the camel, their personal dictionary, I did reflect a lot of my romance in the past in their stories, anyway a very good delivery!

Indulgent & self-consciously intellectual

In a word: Frustrating. AdB has written some interesting works. This isn't one of them.

The simple story of how a man loved and lost has some merit. But the excessive philosophising is indulgent and tiresome.

A bit disappointing

The narrator was good but when he did the female character's voice it was a bit cringy and made her seem quite one dimensional. The story was disappointing as it seemed to cover quite trite generalities of a love story and none of the characters were likeable to me.