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Home Is Where We Start

Growing Up in the Fallout of the Utopian Dream

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Home Is Where We Start

Written by: Susanna Crossman
Narrated by: Susanna Crossman
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

A Guardian book to look out for for 2024


In the turbulent late seventies, six-year-old Susanna Crossman moved with her mother and siblings from a suburban terrace to a crumbling mansion deep in the English countryside. They would share their new home with over fifty other residents from all over the world, armed with worn paperbacks on ecology, Marx and radical feminism, drawn together by utopian dreams of remaking the world. They did not leave for fifteen years.

While the Adults adopted new names and liberated themselves from domestic roles, the Kids ran free. In the community, nobody was too young to discuss nuclear war and children learned not to expect wiped noses or regular bedtimes. Instead, they made a home in a house with no locks or keys, never knowing when they opened doors whether they’d find violent political debates or couples writhing under sheets.

Decades later, and armed with hindsight, Crossman revisits her past, turning to leading thinkers in philosophy, sociology and anthropology to examine the society she grew up in, and the many meanings of family and home. In this luminous memoir, she asks what happens to children who are raised as the product of social experiments and explores how growing up estranged from the outside world shapes her as a parent today.

'A bold and intimate grappling with the hidden history at the heart of a childhood that was set up as a collectivist social experiment' EWAN MORRISON, author of How to Survive Everything

'Strikingly good' NOREEN MASUD, author of A Flat Place

'Crossman writes with such curiosity and heart-breaking honesty of what it is to find her own truth. I was enthralled by this book' LILY DUNN, author of Sins of my Father

'Beautiful, bold, tender. I loved this gorgeous memoir about making home' PRAGYA AGARWAL, author of Hysterical

© Susanna Crossman 2024 (P) Penguin Audio 2024

Philosophy Society Sociology

Critic Reviews

Vivid and painfully honest ... Painful to read but so beautifully done ... There's something of the Levy sensibility here. It's serious and poetic. It's delicate and wise. It's a multilayered excavation, a rich but also careful unfolding of the truth
Crossman's extraordinary memoir of the tyranny of her childhood is heartbreaking, eye-opening, and difficult to put down
Kindred as hell. Tell everyone you know to read this bonkers page-turner. I do.
Engrossing ... Examines philosophical and sociological perspectives on the meaning of home, giving insight into why utopias are unattainable
Ambitious, compelling ... The diarist’s sense of urgency and the child’s creative use of language have stayed with her, often producing vivid prose
I hugely admire Crossman’s resistance against the tyranny of it all – and her constant will to survive
Vivid and poignant ... A powerful memoir of a particularly unusual childhood ... Concrete, disturbing and moving
This isn’t a misery memoir. Crossman examines philosophical and sociological perspectives on the meaning of home, giving insight both into why utopias are unattainable and why we shouldn’t try to reach them in the first place
Brave ... While the author discourses intelligently on the abiding failures of utopias, and interweaves her own experiences as a therapist, I think the primary purpose of the book was to explore and thus exorcise her childhood demons. In this one can only hope she has been successful.
A bold and intimate grappling with the hidden history at the heart of a childhood that was set up as a collectivist social experiment. A true piece of work and one that is historically significant
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