Val Verde Fashion Week hits town, which means the convention center basement is once again full of five-wolf shirts, novelty a-hole apparel, and enough all-over prints to blind a horse. From there, Whisp and Geoff spiral into a deeply cursed roundup of mugs from Juggggs Mug Emporium, and a live remote from Uncle Petruccio’s where Big Truck nearly floats to Mount Hetfield on pure helium meat.

The real centerpiece, though, is George Lucas. Specifically, George Lucas in head-to-toe denim. There is no guest. There is only judgment.

Also on this week’s broadcast:

• Shooter’s Bar & Buffet massacre, again. The band SuperSpreader is gunned down at Shooter’s, prompting a discussion of whether the Shooter’s staff is better trained than the Val Verde Police Department. They are.
• You’re Ruining Cinema. Whisp’s brand new segment takes direct aim at George Lucas and his Jeans Museum.

Listen. Subscribe. Join the Rock Battalion at https://1089thehawk.com. Keep the RV running at https://patreon.com/1089thehawk. Maybe don’t eat the helium meats.

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This week, you Hawkheads get a nice preview of the BONUS material available on the 108.9 The Hawk Patreon! Yep, that's right. Bonus episodes of 108.9 The Hawk called "More From The Hawk." And this week we present a Patreon favorite! "The Truck & Greg Show!" A taste of HAWK afternooooons!

Want more HAWK and want to support the station in the process? Head on over to the Hawk Patreon and subscribe today at https://patreon.com/1089thehawk!

The afternoon shift is HERE and Big Truck and Greg Lemonsour take over 108.9 The Hawk’s airwaves to get you through the final hours of your slob job.

• Monster Trouble at Greg Lake: Truck recounts the time a beast yanked him out of his rig while hauling tiles.
• Dirty Stinky Grooves: Greg sings the praises of Val Verde’s only record store that specializes in moldy, unlistenable vinyl.
• Farmer Dan Returns! After selling Shetland’s Creameries to Monsanto, he’s flush with $742 billion, hosting endless parties, and buying up the catalogs of some of your 80’s favorites for pennies.
• Greg’s Album Pick: Randy Holden’s Population 2 gets the full Lemonsour sermon! Proto-metal, massive amps, and maybe he’s wrong on the song title…
• Truck’s “Where Am I Pulling Over?” Game!
• Cher: Time Traveler? Forget Quantum Leap, we all know that Cher invented time-slorping.

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DoorsCon26 hits Val Verde, which means the convention center is packed with shirtless Jim Morrison freaks, suspicious Ray Manzarek lookalikes, and exactly one self-declared Doors legacy act. Enter Ed Zed, frontman of The Windows, who insists he is not running a tribute band. He is preserving the spirit of The Doors through legal gray areas, naked vocals, and a deeply troubling origin story involving Robbie Krieger, Benedict Canyon, and a Toyota Yaris.

Joe Wengert, co-creator of the upcoming Prime Video animated series Kevin, joins the show as Ed Zed, a man so committed to continuing The Doors’ legacy that he has replaced the music, the lyrics, and most of the band with songs like “Haircuts,” “Rubber Band,” “Open Your Third Eye,” and “Bug Spray.” Things only get worse when Robbie Krieger calls in, his dog is somehow still on a ventilator, and Ed Zed continues insisting this is all just family business.

Also on this week’s broadcast:

• Bob Seger Sports Jersey Facts becomes an accidental new Hawk institution before anyone can stop it.
• Art Spart tries to give traffic but gets derailed by Ocarina of Time again!
• Geoff delivers an extremely serious taxonomy of cover bands, tribute bands, and legacy bands, complete with side trips to Guns and Boars and Thin Dizzy.
• DoorsCon merch goes fully off the rails at Juggggs Mug Emporium, including mugs for Ray Manzarek, Lizard Ting, and one extremely hostile official convention design.

Listen. Subscribe. Join the Rock Battalion at 1089thehawk.com. Keep the Rock & Roll RV gassed up at patreon.com/1089thehawk. Get to DoorsCon early, and if you see a Toyota Yaris circling the lot, get out of the way.

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Jury Duty 2: That’s Just What We Do with Chris Kula

Chris Kula, writer and executive producer of Jury Duty Presents: Company Retreat stops by the Whisp Turlington Morning Show to promote the show, and immediately finds himself trapped in the one press appearance in America where the hosts are more interested in Freevee’s death, Bosch’s late night habits, and whether anyone under 30 remembers UCB sketches. Whisp and Geoff spend most of the interview trying to understand the premise, refusing to understand the premise, and then actively making the premise worse. That’s just what we do.

Also on this week’s broadcast:

• Bon Iver at Val Mart Amphitheater. Whisp gives Bon Iver a fifteenth chance and gets rewarded with Sufjan Stevens in the ribs, Joanna Newsom on harp, and a renewed appreciation for Foreigner.
• Billy Joel Vape Cigars. When you want to be double the asshole and double the fun, light up the only vape cigar with real flame in it.
• Traffic with Art Spart. Art logs into Twitch, starts playing Zelda, and eventually remembers Mount Hetfield has returned to its place.
• Real Court Case or Val Verde Court Case. Chris Kula enters the legal arena for a game featuring Whitesnake-themed Ponzi schemes, the Supreme Court, and And Justice for Hall.
• I’m Fucking Sick Of It. Whisp unloads on Bon Iver, Jury Duty 2, and the catastrophic absence of Ronnie.

Listen. Subscribe. Join the Rock Battalion at https://1089thehawk.com. Keep the RV running at https://patreon.com/1089thehawk. If Chris Kula ever comes back to Val Verde, somebody get that man his own water.

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The Bathroom Boys with Clare O’Kane

Clare O'Kane returns to Val Verde for a homecoming stand at Dingbats, and naturally the conversation immediately veers into Bathroom Boys podcast lore, clink recovery, and whether the Rock & Roll RV’s six-month no-number-two streak can survive the visit. Along the way, Art Spart reports on a catastrophic sandwich spill dividing the town, Hawk Rock News tackles Phil Collins, U2, and Sons of Cream, and Clare absolutely cleans up in a vicious round of What’s That Sound?

Also on this week’s broadcast:

• Finish Geoff The Angry Man’s Complaint. Phones ring on what could be the greatest call-in game in Hawk history.
• Art Spart Traffic. A tipped sandwich truck triggers an all-out Val Verde naming war over subs, hoagies, heroes, grinders, po’boys, bombers, wedgies, and one suspicious Boston outlier.
• Hawk Rock News. The gang tackles Rock Hall nominees, U2’s surprise new record, and the deeply cursed touring phenomenon known as Sons of Cream.
• What’s That Sound? Clare takes on Geoff in a Hawk classic and walks away with the kind of HAWKBUXX victory that can ruin a man’s paycheck.

Clare O’Kane is an actor, comedian, and writer from San Jose, California. She has written for SpongeBob SquarePants, Shrill, and Saturday Night Live, appeared on Comedy Central, and served as the pseudo-host of Viceland’s Flophouse. In 2022, Vulture named Clare one of its Comedians You Should Know, and she was recently featured on WTF with Marc Maron.

Listen. Subscribe. Join the Rock Battalion at https://1089thehawk.com. Keep the RV running at https://patreon.com/1089thehawk. We’ll see you at Dingbats. Do not take the Road to Nowhere.

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All Aboard The Val Verde Crazy Train with Chandler Dean

Val Verde's $15 billion transit miracle has 13 riders, zero credibility, and one communications director who really should not be allowed near a microphone.

Stephen Ribble arrived at the Rock & Roll RV to pitch the Val Verde Crazy Train to a skeptical public. He came prepared with talking points. He left under police escort, seated in an oversized rocking chair, having admitted to a pattern of automobile-related incidents that spans at least a dozen municipalities. A triumph for public transit outreach.

Chandler Dean (comedian, host of Abolish Everything) joins Whisp and Geoff as Stephen Ribble, a polished former Department of Transportation spokesperson who has somehow become the worst possible face of a civic infrastructure launch.

Also on this week's broadcast:

• Michael Danny Honey returns. Whisp reveals a long-buried truth about soft-rock heartthrob Michael Danny Honey and confirms the reissue of the classic Where Am I Supposed to Park My Car?
• Traffic with Art Spart. Art attempts to report on Crazy Train conditions while fully absorbed in his Twitch stream. It's Sonic time, baby!
• Big Truck rides the rails. Broadcasting live from onboard the Crazy Train, Big Truck describes the experience as less "modern infrastructure" and more "county fair Gravitron operated by a man who took too much coke."
• VerdeChan investigates. Whisp and Geoff excavate local message boards, where Ribble has been accused of cult behavior, bloodsucking vampirism, and several things that are genuinely hard to categorize.

Check out the second season of Abolish Everything here: nebula.tv/abolish

Listen. Subscribe. Join the Rock Battalion at https://1089thehawk.com. Keep the RV running at https://patreon.com/1089thehawk. Next stop, Mount Hetfield. Do not believe everything you read on VerdeChan.

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Neil Young's New Streaming Service

Whisp and Geoff kick off the morning buried in useless classic rock trivia, detours through Whisp's Cool It Down 102 era, and a listener topic so aggressively pointless that even The Hawk struggles to justify airing it. Rock News eventually surfaces with updates on Pearl Jam, the Eagles announcing additional dates at Val Verde's Big Ball, and Neil Young's new high-fidelity streaming platform, Mule. The segment's unexpected authority on the subject: the anthropomorphized coke rock from Neil Young's left nostril, who has thoughts.

Also this week:

Good Rock Facts. Whisp presents his thesis that Def Leppard's "Rocket" is secretly a song about salmonella — specifically, Robert "Mutt" Lange's food poisoning. The evidence is circumstantial. The conviction is total.

Cool It Down 102. Whisp goes deep into his New York radio archives, dusting off airchecks from 1989 and 1990, and spends a dangerous amount of time wondering if the entire Hawk format should be rebuilt around an era when radio was still good and he was still young.

How Tight Them Pants. Val Verde callers are asked one simple question. None of them answer it in under a sentence. Geoff and Whisp sit with it as the calls spiral into extended monologues about short pants, Linda Ronstadt, and the sightlines of a community theater.

Let's Get Real for a Second. Geoff observes that the members of The Band may have assembled the strangest collection of human faces in rock history. This opens a door. Neil Young's coke rock walks through it, ready to discuss self-snorting, bad investments, and the lossless audio promise of Mule.

Listen. Subscribe. Join the Rock Battalion at 1089thehawk.com. Keep the RV running at patreon.com/1089thehawk. Do not take investment advice from a coke rock.

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Classic Hawk - Long Live Ma Sharney

Welcome back to Classic Hawk.

Today’s Episode: LONG LIVE MA SHARNEY

Original airdate: 2023-03-27

Ma Sharney is dead.

And in Val Verde, that does not mean peace. It means a Sharney’s conclave happening at Val Verde's favorite dining chain.

In this blast of Val Verde canon, the town is forced to confront one of its oldest traditions: with Ma Sharney gone, a new Ma Sharney must be elected. Who will it be? Who is worthy to carry the Ma Sharney crown and remind patrons that no one truly eats for free?

Oh My, My, I’m So Happy, I’m Gonna Listen To The Hawk

• Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube
• Watch full episodes and clips: https://www.youtube.com/@1089thehawk
• Support the station on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/1089thehawk
• Join the Rock Battalion: https://www.1089thehawk.com

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