In this episode of Family Systems in 15 Minutes, I’m looking at one of the sneakiest structural problems in family therapy: what happens when parents stop being in charge.

In family therapy, the authority issues are usually much harder to spot. They show up as “communication problems,” school refusal, anxiety, conflict, curfew debates, or one parent being “too harsh” while the other becomes “the protector.”

Using de-identified consultation material, I walk through three signs that the real issue may be structural: repeated conflict between parent and child, coalitions that cross generational boundaries, and hidden alliances that keep the whole system stuck.

I also share a practical intervention I call the proposal method, which helps reduce haggling, strengthen the parental subsystem, and put parents back in a united leadership position.

For therapists, psychologists, and anyone who enjoys family systems theory with a tiny bit of sarcasm and a cold, frozen English heart.

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For therapists, psychologists, and anyone who enjoys family systems theory with a tiny bit of sarcasm and a cold, frozen English heart.