The human cost of leading schools. We see you, we hear you.

There is a moment in leadership that no one prepares you for. It isn’t your first inspection or your first safeguarding crisis it’s the moment you realise the role has changed you. It changes how you think, how you carry responsibility, and how you hold decisions that don't have clean answers.

In this episode, Jane and Jacqui are joined by Dr. Jill Berry, a highly experienced former headteacher, researcher, and author of Making the Leap. We dive into the "lead-in" period that tricky space between getting the job and formally stepping into it and discuss why the current system often fails to support leaders once they are in post.

With 78% of senior leaders reporting stress and over half considering leaving the profession, we move the conversation away from "resilience" and toward wellbeing as infrastructure.

In this episode, we explore:

• The Systemic Gap: Why preparing for headship is only half the battle, and why the real work starts with service-based support.
• The Lead-In Period: Balancing your current loyalty with your future accountability.
• Imperfect Leadership: Learning to be tolerant of yourself and accepting that no one expects their leader to be infallible.
• Building the Bridge: Why the first few months are intense and why you have to build your leadership "as you walk on it".
• Support as a Right, Not a Rescue: Moving from reactive support when things go wrong to proactive Reflective Supervision and coaching from day one.

Key Reflection for Leaders:

"A new leader has to build the bridge as they walk on it." — Robert Quinn

The Question: If a new member of staff was silently observing how you handle urgency and scrutiny, what would they conclude about how safe it is to struggle in your school?

Resources Mentioned:

• Jill Berry: Making the Leap: Moving from Deputy to Head
• Steve Mumby: Imperfect Leadership
• Lucy Kelly: Reimagining the Diary
• Joanna Povil: Kind Leadership
• James Pope & Kate Smith: Heads Up for Head Teachers

Connect with Us:

• Website: www.beingthehead.co.uk
• Watch on YouTube: Search "Being the Head"
• Email: beingthehead@gmail.com
• Support: Explore the Being the Head Leadership Support and Assurance offer a structured space for CEOs and Headteachers to protect their professional judgment.

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with one leader who is carrying the weight of the job in silence.

Episode Overview

There is a version of leadership that looks strong on the surface tight routines, clear systems, and outcomes that hold. But underneath, it can be fragile. When the pressure of inspection, safeguarding, and staffing increases, we find out quickly whether leadership is truly holding the school or just managing it.

In this episode, we are joined by Dan Cowling to discuss the "uncomfortable truth" of leadership drift: the small, daily compromises that favor safety over what is right. Dan shares his journey leading a high-stakes turnaround in West London, navigating a legacy debt of £3.6 million while building a culture where staff and students can thrive.

Key Thinking Spaces in This Episode

• The Difference Between Fair and Brutal: Why frameworks aim for consistency, but lived experiences tell a story of two different worlds.
• The Drift Toward "Safe" Decisions: Recognizing when accountability pressure (affecting over 75% of leaders) forces us to choose quick fixes over long-term strategic growth.
• Leading Through Legacy Debt: How Dan balances a staggering financial burden with the moral imperative to protect the quality of education.
• Culture Over Compliance: Moving past the mistake that "being busy" equals a positive culture. Dan explains why "calm classrooms" and "daily rhythms" are the true markers of a healthy school.
• Strategic Ring-Fencing: Practical ways to carve out "thinking space" for the strategic work that actually moves the needle.

Direct From the Head

"Leadership right now feels like holding a steady center while everything around us is moving really quickly... staying effective requires deliberate choices about where I put my time and my attention." — Dan Cowling

Structural Takeaways (Not Checklists)

• The "Friday Rule": Why Dan avoids all meetings on a Friday to protect staff wellbeing and ensure the weekend isn't spent in a "stress cycle".
• Filtering the Noise: Passing the "moans and concerns" to a deputy to protect the leader's clarity and focus on the organizational reputation.
• The Moral Anchor: When the pressure is high, ask: Is what we are doing now going to improve the learning and wellbeing of the pupils over time?.

Resources & Connections

• Watch on YouTube: [Search "Being the Head Podcast"]
• Fortnightly Briefing: Download our latest leadership support and assurance update from our Kit page.
• Get in Touch: Reach out with your stories or feedback at beingthehead@gmail.com.

Closing Thought

What are you carrying right now that is a structural pressure, not a personal failing? Not everything you carry is yours to hold. Leadership is hard, but you don't have to do it alone.

We see you. We hear you.

This episode explores the complex intersection of digital safety, parental trust, and leadership in schools. Featuring Amit Singh Kalley, a digital safeguarding expert, it delves into how schools can become trusted partners with parents, the importance of holistic digital education, and strategies to protect children from online harms.

keywords

digital safety, parental trust, school leadership, online harms, AI, deepfakes, digital safeguarding, education, social media, neurodiversity

key topics

• Digital safety and parental trust
• Role of schools in digital safeguarding
• Impact of AI and deepfakes on children
• Engaging parents in digital education
• Supporting neurodiverse children in digital spaces

guest name

Amit Singh Kalley

"Ask children about their online world daily"

"AI can be both a tool and a threat"

"Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness"

Chapters

00:00 The Digital Landscape of Youth

02:47 Safeguarding in the Digital Age

05:41 The Role of Schools and Parents

08:30 Engaging Parents in Digital Education

11:32 Creating a Digital Charter

14:46 Understanding Emojis and Online Communication

17:46 Building Trust and Communication with Children

20:53 The Impact of Smartphones on Youth

23:27 Strategies for Effective Digital Parenting

30:36 Navigating School Policies and Teacher Challenges

34:19 Addressing Pornography and Online Safety

36:55 The Challenge of Screen Time in Early Childhood

38:52 The Need for Comprehensive Digital Guidance

41:11 Legislative Actions and Social Media Regulations

42:04 AI's Role in Mental Health and Vulnerability

43:29 The Dangers of AI and Digital Relationships

47:08 Neurodiversity and Digital Devices

52:00 Cultural Barriers in Understanding Neurodiversity

53:39 Future Regrets in Digital Parenting

56:17 Creating a Culture of Compassion in Schools

resources

For Working Parents - https://forworkingparents.com

Amit Singh Kali on LinkedIn - https://linkedin.com/in/amitsinghkalley

Periodic Table of Emojis - https://forworkingparents.com/emoji-table

Guest links

LinkedIn - https://linkedin.com/in/amitsinghkalley

Website - https://forworkingparents.com

Episode 39: Well Schools Without the Fluff

Guest: Vicci Wells, Senior Leader at the Youth Sport Trust

In this episode, Jane and Jacqui shift the conversation from individual "self-care" to structural school culture. While leaders often return from a break feeling rested, the "September bracing" feeling persists if the underlying system hasn't changed. If the system doesn't shift, the leader simply absorbs the strain until they reach a breaking point.

Joining the pod is Vicci Wells, who shares her expertise on building "Well Schools" through culture, not compliance. We dive into why performative wellbeing (the "free tea and coffee" approach) fails and how leaders can design a system where both staff and students can thrive.

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  The System vs. The Individual: Individual wellbeing alone cannot carry a structurally overloaded school. Wellbeing must move from a "bolt-on" initiative to leadership infrastructure.

  
  

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  The Formula 1 Pit Stop: In a high-pressure environment, stopping to "pit" isn't slowing down—it’s an intentional move to sustain performance and prevent mistakes.

  
  

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  Intelligent Oversight: For governors and trustees, oversight should move beyond checking for a policy to asking: "What are the conditions in this school that enable people to thrive, and how do we know?".

  
  

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  The "Training Ground" Mindset: View wellbeing as the training ground (relationships, routines, connection), not the trophy (test scores, awards). When you get the training ground right, success follows.

  
  

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  Authenticity Over Glossy Documents: Staff don't buy into frameworks; they buy into authenticity. Vulnerability in leadership is a strength that builds psychological safety.

  
  

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  The Well Schools Movement: A community of over 2,000 schools focused on health and happiness as a driver for educational outcomes.

  
  

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  The Well School Check: A free, leader-authored self-review tool to help schools audit their wellbeing culture across three pillars: Well-Led, Well-Prepared, and Well-Equipped.

  
  

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  Youth Sport Trust: www.youthsporttrust.org

  
  

"If a new member of staff was silently observing how leadership handles urgency, conflict, and scrutiny, what would they conclude about how safe it is to struggle in your setting?"

Vicci Wells works nationally with schools and trusts to strengthen wellbeing and leadership sustainability. She is a senior leader at the Youth Sport Trust and writes for Young Governor, bringing a unique governance lens to ethical decision-making and accountability.

Connect with Being the Head: Visit www.beingthehead.co.uk for more on leadership support and insurance designed for the human cost of leading schools

Leading on Empty: The Hidden Cost of Energy Depletion in School Leadership

What if the issue isn’t your workload… but your energy?

Too many school leaders are functioning at a high level on the surface leading meetings, supporting staff, holding everything together while running on empty underneath.

In this episode of Being the Head, we go beyond surface-level wellbeing and explore energy as leadership infrastructure.

You’ll hear why chronic depletion quietly distorts judgement, how the demands of the school year amplify stress, and what it really takes to lead sustainably — not just survive.

🎧 In This Episode, We Explore:

• Why leaders aren’t lacking commitment — they’re lacking recovery
• The three core dimensions of leadership energy:
• • Cognitive clarity
  • Emotional regulation
  • Physiological fuel
• How decision fatigue impacts judgement (especially late in the day)
• Why “pushing through” isn’t resilience — it’s dysregulation
• The ripple effect: how a leader’s energy shapes the entire organisation
• Why summer term intensifies stress and depletion
• The hidden cost of emotional spillover in leadership
• How poor nutrition, sleep, and caffeine reliance create a biological rollercoaster
• Why “I’ll rest in the holidays” is a flawed (and risky) strategy

👥 Featuring Expert Guests:

• Sarah Jones – Founder of Zenergy Wellness
• Michelle Hague – Health & Wellness Coach, Co-founder of Be Well & Balanced

Together, they bring powerful insight into the physiological and emotional realities of leadership.

Practical Takeaways:

Simple, realistic shifts that make a real difference:

• Prioritise meal planning to stabilise energy
• Protect your sleep routine (consistency is key)
• Build in short, regular movement breaks (even 10-minute walks)
• Start your day with intention, not reaction
• Create a culture where wellbeing is modelled, not spoken about
• Ask for help sustainable leadership is never solo

“If I Only Knew…” Moments:

• Pushing through exhaustion isn’t strength — it’s unsustainable
• You don’t protect others by sacrificing yourself
• Connection and asking for help are leadership strengths, not weaknesses

One Small Step to Take Today:

• Go for a walk before making a difficult decision
• Spend 10 minutes setting your intention for the day
• Eat regularly to avoid energy crashes

Start small. Stay consistent.

📢 Share This Episode

If you know a leader who looks like they’re coping but might be running low share this episode with them and follow the podcast.

🎙️ About the Podcast

Being the Head: The Human Cost of Leading Schools explores the realities of school leadership beyond strategy, into the human experience.

Closing Thought

Energy isn’t infinite.

So lead like it isn’t.

“Mandating parent engagement” is back in policy language but what does that really mean in practice?

In this episode of Being the Head, we unpack a growing tension across schools: the difference between disengagement and distrust. As reforms reshape attendance expectations and SEND pathways, leaders are seeing faster escalations, more complaints, and increasingly emotional interactions with families.

The key insight?
Most complaints aren’t about the issue being raised—they’re about fear, uncertainty, and past experience.

We explore why:

• You can mandate attendance but not trust
• You can enforce process but not psychological safety
• And why responding only to the “surface issue” often fuels escalation

Through real examples and supervision insights, we introduce a practical lens for navigating complaints:

1. Surface issue – what’s being said
2. System strain – capacity gaps beneath it
3. Emotional driver – fear, loss of control, past experiences

When leaders learn to acknowledge the emotional layer while maintaining clear boundaries and professional consistency conflict often de-escalates and relationships begin to shift.

This isn’t about appeasement. It’s about strategic containment, clarity, and calm authority.

• Trust cannot be mandated—it must be built
• Escalation is often driven by fear, not facts
• Acknowledging emotion does not mean lowering boundaries
• Consistency builds confidence more than compliance ever will
• Leaders need thinking space, not reactive responses

When you last handled a complaint
did you respond to the issue… or the fear underneath it?

If this episode resonated, follow Being the Head to support more school leaders navigating today’s challenges.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Trust cannot be mandated it must be built
• Escalation is often driven by fear, not facts
• Acknowledging emotion does not mean lowering boundaries
• Consistency builds confidence more than compliance ever will
• Leaders need thinking space, not reactive responses

💬 A Question to Reflect On

When you last handled a complaint
did you respond to the issue… or the fear underneath it?

📣 Follow the Podcast Being the Head - the human

cost of leading schools. It helps others find our content.

What are you carrying that isn’t yours to fix?

In this episode, we explore how UK school leaders are increasingly absorbing system pressures rising SEND demand, safeguarding complexity, attendance expectations, and funding gaps as personal responsibility.

We share a powerful diagnostic question to help you separate what’s structural from what’s yours, alongside a practical framework: Control, Influence, Evidence, and Release.

In this episode:

• Why leaders are burning out under systemic pressure
• How to identify what’s structural vs personal
• A simple framework to regain clarity and boundaries
• Why sustainable leadership is about discernment, not endurance

Key takeaway:
You’re responsible for leadership not for fixing the system.