SUMMARY - Why do the same power struggles keep happening over and over again between parents and children? In this episode, Eileen explores the “coercive cycle,” a pattern first identified by researcher Gerald Patterson and his colleagues after decades of observing parent-child interactions. Through a Brain First lens, she explains why these escalating moments are often rooted not in defiance, but in lagging skills, nervous system dysregulation, and patterns both parents and children can unintentionally get stuck inside.

TAKEAWAYS:

• What the parent-child “coercive cycle” is and how it develops
• Why escalation often reinforces the cycle for both parents and children
• How traditional behavioral interpretations can keep families stuck
• The role nervous system dysregulation and lagging skills play in conflict
• Why “won’t” is often actually “can’t”
• How parent triggers, beliefs, exhaustion, and burnout can intensify interactions
• Questions to ask yourself before engaging with your child
• Why using fewer words and disengaging early can help interrupt escalation
• How a Brain First lens shifts the goal from control to regulation and connection

RESOURCES:

The Resilience Room Membership Community

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen shares 8 essential mind shifts that help parents move from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens when parenting children with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors. These shifts can help you better understand your child’s nervous system, reduce conflict, strengthen connection, and parent with more clarity, flexibility, and confidence.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Why “My child would do better if they could” is one of the most transformative parenting shifts
• How challenging behaviors are often signs of distress, overwhelm, and lagging skills
• Why behavior-focused parenting approaches often miss the root causes
• How adjusting expectations around development can reduce frustration for both you and your child
• The importance of meeting cognitive rigidity with flexibility and empathy
• Why the goal of parenting is not compliance, but connection, regulation, and skill-building
• How to trust your own understanding of your child, even when others don’t understand your approach
• Why caring for yourself is an essential part of supporting your child’s well-being

RESOURCES:

Free downloadable infographic: 8 Essential Mind Shifts for More Connected Parenting

Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen reflects on a common theme that comes up again and again in sessions with parents: the belief that “I’m failing” or “I should be better at this by now.” When you’re parenting a child with intense, relentless behaviors, it’s easy for self-blame to take hold, but these thoughts often point to something deeper. This episode explores what may be underneath this narrative and how to shift toward more compassionate, supportive self-reflection.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Feeling like you’re “failing” is a common experience for parents of children with brain-based differences and intense behaviors
• These thoughts are often signals of deeper emotion, not objective truth
• Irritability and reactivity can be protective layers masking fear, grief, and resentment
• Fear may show up as worries about your child’s future or long-term functioning
• Grief can stem from the gap between what you expected parenting to be and your lived reality
• Resentment may be connected to the intensity of the demands and lack of adequate support
• Self-reflection is important, but it needs to be paired with self-compassion, not harsh criticism
• Your willingness to question yourself reflects how deeply you care, not that you are failing

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 29: When You Feel Stretched Thin: Expanding Your Window of Tolerance

Blog post: Three Things Your Irritability Might Be Masking

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Pinterest