In this episode of Building Up Fathers, we step into one of the most uncomfortable but necessary parts of fatherhood: what happens when we miss it. Losing patience, speaking too harshly, choosing control over connection. Not if it happens, but when it happens.

We talk honestly about real moments of failure, especially around bedtime, stress, and exhaustion, and how those moments reveal what kind of father we believe ourselves to be. More importantly, we explore how presence shows up most clearly not in getting everything right, but in how we respond after we get it wrong.

Drawing from personal stories, parenting struggles, and hard-earned insight, this episode reframes failure as a crossroads. One path leads to shame and withdrawal. The other leads back toward humility, repair, and deeper trust with our kids.

In This Episode:

• Real stories of falling short as dads and the tension between control and compassion

• Why bedtime often exposes our limits more than any other part of the day

• The difference between guilt and shame, and how each one shapes our response

• Why conviction invites repair while condemnation pushes us into isolation

• The power of apologizing to our kids and how it models strength, not weakness

• How our children learn how to handle failure by watching how we handle ours

• The long-term impact of choosing reconnection over defensiveness

Key Themes:

• Presence is proven in repair, not perfection

• Guilt points us toward growth while shame attacks our identity

• Our value as fathers is not defined by our worst moments

• Children need honesty and humility more than flawless leadership

• Healing in our kids often begins when we take responsibility without excuses

Takeaway:

Every father falls short. The question is what we do next. When we choose humility over pride and reconnection over retreat, we show our kids that love is stronger than failure. Presence is not about never messing up. It is about coming back, owning it, and staying engaged. That is where trust is rebuilt. That is where hearts stay connected.

In this episode of Building Up Fathers, we continue our exploration of what it means to show up for our kids in ways that shape them for life. Last week we confronted the myth of the perfect dad. This week we take a deeper step: learning that presence isn’t just being in the room. It’s offering our uninhibited attention.

Using real moments from our homes and research that reveals how kids interpret our focus, we dig into why presence is so hard in the modern world and how small intentional shifts can radically change the way our children experience us. The goal isn’t guilt. It’s clarity, encouragement, and a renewed invitation to enter our kids’ world the way our Father enters ours.

• Why presence is more than proximity and how kids feel the difference by age two

• The mental and emotional load fathers carry when they walk through the door

• How distraction unintentionally communicates disinterest, even when we don’t mean it

• Research showing how phones, screens, and “technoference” affect a child’s sense of security

• The contrast between what dads feel internally (stress, deadlines, fatigue) and what kids interpret

• Why kids misbehave more when they’re disconnected, and how behavior is often a bid for reconnection

• Setting family expectations: building small rhythms that help everyone transition well

• The weight of keeping our word and how broken promises, even small ones, shape trust

• Why entering your child’s world through play communicates love in a language they understand

• How only 20–30% attuned moments are enough to form strong, secure attachment

• Presence is attentive, not perfect

• Children don’t understand our stress; they understand our availability

• Misbehavior is often a signal, not an attack

• The way we handle transitions shapes the emotional climate of home

• Small rhythms of connection build long-term security

• Our attention reflects God’s heart: near, steady, and engaged

Your kids aren’t asking for a flawless dad. They’re asking for you. Even short moments of genuine attention anchor them in safety and belonging. Presence isn’t a grand gesture. It’s a repeated decision to enter their world, meet them where they are, and show them that nothing in your life is more important than their heart in that moment. This is where connection deepens, trust grows, and the foundation of fatherhood is strengthened, one attentive moment at a time.

Episode 1 of 4: Presence over Perfection: The Myth of the Perfect Dad

In this episode of Building Up Fathers, we begin a four-week journey exploring how real change as fathers starts with presence, not perfection. We often think improvement begins with fixing ourselves, getting organized, or trying to become the “ideal” parent. But our kids aren’t waiting for a flawless dad. They’re longing for one who simply shows up.

Drawing from real stories, honest failures, and everyday moments that feel heavier than they should, we talk through the pressures dads experience, especially the lies we believe about needing to be perfect before we can be present.

In This Episode:

• The power of simple gratitude and how it reframes a father’s day

• Parenting fail stories that remind us how perceptive kids really are, and how quickly our words can shape their world

• The tension between wanting to get things done and wanting to love our kids well

• Why “showing up” has two sides: physical presence and emotional presence

• The natural pull toward escape; phones, work, projects, and how it keeps us from being attentive fathers

• Healthy boundaries, tantrums, and why a child’s pushback doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong

• The idea that true independence is built on strong attachment, not early detachment

• The long-term view of fatherhood: raising kids into adults who choose to return to us because we were there for them

Key Themes:

• Being steady, near, reliable, and attentive

• Learning to join our kids in their emotions rather than fixing them

• Reframing fatherhood as a long-term investment

• Why our kids need our genuine presence more than our polished version

• How focusing on what matters pulls us closer to God’s heart for us as fathers

Takeaway:

Perfection never produced a healthy home, but presence does. The real win isn’t flawless parenting, it’s showing up again and again, even when you’re tired, imperfect, or unsure. That’s where connection is built. That’s where trust grows. And that’s where the heart of fatherhood lives.