What if an apple never fell on Isaac Newton's head and he never came up with Gravity?

Join us as we take special guest historical vandal, Cardiff-based physicist and stand-up comic Ollie Edwards, on a joyride through alternative history. Armed with a suspiciously oversized time-travel watch, Ollie dials back to 1666 Lincolnshire to intercept a falling apple — and stop it from bonking the world’s biggest nerd, Isaac Newton, on the head.

After seeing great success putting Newton on a Harley and arming him with a taper fade and a trundle wheel, we focus our attention on the consequences of his loss from the physics world.

Along the way we talk:

🍎 Which show would be the biggest loss for the UK comedy scene without the clout of the Cambridge Footlights

💅 Whether the cold war powers ever just rang for a chat

🧠 Whether Jesus would buy us a round of beers

PS: If you’ve been enjoying the pod so far, please follow, rate us 5 stars, and tell your mates - it takes two seconds but it keeps our time machine running!

Historical Vandal: @ozzie._04

Chaos Consultant: @austihamps

Cardiff University Comedy Society: @CU_Comedy

Stand-up at Cardiff Comedy Society: Zingers, The Flute & Tankard: https://www.cardiffstudents.com/events/10648/40403/

Alternative History | What If History | Counterfactual Comedy | Isaac Newton | Physics | Time Travel | Cardiff Comedy | Queer Eye for the Nerd Guy

What if an apple never fell on Isaac Newton's head and he never came up with Gravity?

Join us as we take special guest historical vandal, Cardiff-based physicist and stand-up comic Ollie Edwards, on a joyride through alternative history. Armed with a suspiciously oversized time-travel watch, Ollie dials back to 1666 Lincolnshire to intercept a falling apple — and stop it from bonking the world’s biggest nerd, Isaac Newton, on the head.

Ollie's plan? Derail the discovery of gravity by giving Newton a glow-up. With the help of returning guest and chaos consultant Austin Hampshire, we embark on a mission to turn the powdered-wigged volcel into a 17th-century sex symbol.

Along the way we talk:

🍎 Newton’s lesser known 4th law of being a complete virgin 💅 Why he kept sticking a needle in his eye

🧠 What scientists back then even knew

We also discuss the fate of Cambridge University without their MVP, why ancient statues had little dicks, and debate whether Jesus would be a good pint

PS: If you’ve been enjoying the pod so far, please follow, rate us 5 stars, and tell your mates - it takes two seconds but it keeps our time machine running!

Historical Vandal: @ozzie._04

Chaos Consultant: @austihamps

Cardiff University Comedy Society: @CU_Comedy

Stand-up at Cardiff Comedy Society: Zingers, The Flute & Tankard: https://www.cardiffstudents.com/events/10648/40403/

Alternative History | What If History | Counterfactual Comedy | Isaac Newton | Physics | Time Travel | Cardiff Comedy | Queer Eye for the Nerd Guy

What if Andrew Tate’s chess champion dad was humiliated by a 10 year old girl in 1986?

Join us as we take special guest historical vandal, Newport-based comic & Bedfordshire bad boy Chris Chopping, for a joyride through alternative history. Chris stumbles upon a suspiciously dusty vinyl copy of Good Luck Babe by Chappell Roan in an abandoned record store, where he tinkers with a time-travelling turntable, spinning back the clock to 1986. Chris then exacts his grand master plan, along with the help of a 10 year old girl, to sabotage the professional chess career of Emory Tate, father of the internet’s most toxic influencer, Andrew Tate, to ensure he never rises through the algorithms of lonely lads across the world.

Along the way we talk toxic masculinity, whether Andrew Tate has any mates, if owning a Bugatti is better than owning a cat, and Chris has a spectacular meltdown over our infamous “kill a medieval peasant” game.

PS: If you’ve enjoyed the pod so far please remember to follow us and drop us a 5-star rating - it really helps!

Historical Vandal: @chrischopping

Stand up for Trans Rights: https://www.facebook.com/standupfortransrights

Chris Chopping’s Lonely Hearts Club Band: https://nextupcomedy.com/programs/chris-chopping-chris-choppings-lonely-hearts-club-band

Alternative history | What if History | Counterfactual | Andrew Tate | Chess Grandmasters | Chappell Roan | Judit Polgár

What if the hand ball rule was slightly changed meaning Tottenham didn't go 1-0 down in the first 30 seconds of the 2019 Champions League Final? A lot, it turns out!

Join us as we take special guest historical vandal Stuart Laws, gilet-wearing stand up comic with some of the best show titles in the biz and director of some of the biggest names in UK comedy (including James Acaster & Nish Kumar), on a joyride through alternative history!

Stu completes a committed round of crossbar challenge on a magical football pitch and takes us back to 2019 to reverse the short lived handball rule that marred that year's Champions League final for his team, Tottenham Hotspur. But while the result of the game still hangs in the balance, Stu's meddling in space-time has wide reaching historical consequences - from saving the queens life , snapping open tory MPs, and bringing the UK to net zero by 2025, we change everything short of tilting the entire world off its axis. We also discuss Stu’s methods for making medieval peasants "sludge out their butts" (much to VAR referee Stuart Atwells chagrin), as well as providing Hitler with a special screening of Jurassic Park to shape his inquisitive mind.

Historical Vandal: @stuartlawscomedy

Stuart Laws Is That Guy Still Going? Standup Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOYMIEXu44&ab_channel=800PoundGorillaMedia

Stuart Laws Has to be Joking - Tickets (Cardiff 23rd May): https://www.jokepit.com/comedy-in/cardiff/stuart-laws-has-to-be-joking/24452

Sissoko handball clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJWRyFwaaBI&ab_channel=FootballWatafak

Timestamps

Intros - 2:50

How do you feel about the past? - 6:30

Complex Series of Events - 9:45

Dirty plates Twitter Thread - 19:15

Intro to Topic - 24:30

Baby Hitler - 35:30

Football Handball Rules - 38:30

Effects of Changing History - 43:15

The Queen Survives - 54:00

5 Minutes Rental Left - 1:04:45

Peasants "Sludging Out Their butts" - 1:07:45

Fading from History - 1:16:15

Actions in the Present to Change the Future - 1:18:20

What if History | Counterfactual History | Alternative History Podcast | Tottenham Hotspur FC | Champions League Final 2019 | Liverpool FC | Liz Truss Unobtainium

BONUS EPISODE: What if we gave you the highlights of our 3 hours of chat with Steffan Alun?

Join us for the best bits of our wide ranging conversation with previous guest, bisexual, bilingual stand up Steffan Alun. This bonus episode sees us diving deep into Steff's origin story, his winding path towards becoming a standup, as well as some really interesting insights into Welsh language activism and how activism is represented within comedy. We also dive deep into local comedy lore, discussing how we build community within the open mic scene, share tips on breaking into the clubs, and even chat a little bit about gossip from the annals of South Wales comedy history circa 2015-19. We also discuss Steff's podcast idea which he hopes will bring down the Tory party once and for all.

Historical Vandal: @steffanAlun

Watch Academi Gomedi: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0kp6b5r

Place holder for Edinburgh Fringe Tickets: TBC

What if History | Counterfactual History | Alternative History Podcast | Ed Miliband 2015 Election | Big brother | Open Mic Comedy Tips | How to Start Stand Up Comedy | Welsh Language Activism

What if Ed Miliband won the 2015 General Election?

Join us as we take special guest historical vandal, bilingual stand up Steffan Alun, for a joyride through alternative history in his time machine of choice. Steffan takes us back in time using a magical amulet possessed by a disgruntled Australian genie to the good old days of 2015, where he sets up a rogue electioneering machine fuelled by Cambridge Analytica's data farms, while also training the mild mannered Labour Leader how to eat a bacon sandwich properly, sweeping him to power by nefarious means. What would chaos with Ed Miliband look like? Would Brexit have ever happened? Is voting Lib Dem the biggest mistake you can make in life? Listen now to find out all this, and much more!

Errata: David Miliband left the house of commons in 2013 and did not stand as an MP in GE2015 - so the idea of him being the only Labour candidate not to win in a 649 seat landslide is simply not realistic.

Historical Vandal: @SteffanAlun

Watch Academi Gomedi: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0kp6b5r

Place holder for Edinburgh Fringe Tickets: TBC

What if History | Counterfactual History | Alternative History Podcast | Ed Miliband 2015 Election

What if Alexander the Great died before he became the great?

In this adventure in alternative history, we're joined by historical vandal, stand up, promoter, and comedy writer (as seen on BBC Sesh), Harry (REDACTED). Harry has three degrees in ancient history, and armed with his extensive knowledge he takes us for a joyride back to the 4th Century BC in his flying bed time machine he bought off former Lancashire county cricketer, Glen Chapple.

Harry successfully spooks Alexander's horse Bucephalus, thwarting the mythological rise of Alexander the Great and nipping his empire in the bud, changing the course of history for the next 2000 years. This episode takes an in depth look at the consequences for Alexander never making it to Great status, while also discussing whether the ancient Greeks were actually that smart, whether medieval fanfiction could get you killed, and what would've happened if Jesus had stuck to the carpentry. Harry also goes into detail on what life would have been like for people like him with type 1 diabetes before insulin (SPOILERS: pretty short).

Historical Vandal: Harry (REDACTED)

Alternative History | What if history | Counterfactual | Ancient History | Alexander the Great

What if John Lennon was never assassinated?

Join us as we welcome special guest historical vandal, Cardiff-born stand up, actor, and writer Max Jones as we bubble through the ages in his hot tub time machine to prevent the assassination of Beatles (and future Ono-Lennon Family Band) legend John Lennon in December 1980. Max travels back to the swinging 60s with ex-Manchester United hardman Roy Keane, to inspire John's assassin Mark David Chapman to ditch the incels for the jocks. Max also invents Morrissey and the music of the Smiths 20 years early and rises to fame as a world leading atheist comedian by stealing Ricky Gervais' old material (both without the bigotry).

Historical Vandal: @MaxJonesana

Ad read: Didnt Ask (ft. Joe Dehuai & Max) https://open.spotify.com/episode/3xpzk0mZBkmMSOyJSiH66A?si=eb3e12191856476a

Shangri Laughs tickets: https://www.jokepit.com/comedy-by/joe-dehuai

Placeholder link to Max's audio drama: TBC