Episodes

  • Thank You For Your Service, Belmont Cragin: Off Campus
    May 17 2026

    We finished Off Campus, and we did it for you!


    Talking points: can't DNF, asshole from start to finish, unconnected penises, cute or not cute?, an assload of money, too weak to compete, one kidney saved 20 lives

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    42 mins
  • Hockey's Greatest Son: Game Changer
    May 16 2026

    We're bringing it back to book number 1 in the Heated Rivalry universe: Game Changer. (Also known as that random episode about that other couple.)


    Talking points: the sex of it all, he is the son of hockey, icarus relationships, baby take the money, three fingers on the ribcage, a couple of gays, what loser picks not $500?

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    42 mins
  • Forming the Gay Hockey Avengers: The Long Game
    May 5 2026

    Ilya and Shane's second book! This one isn't going to bust you up with laughter, but it will fill you with rage because we are also talking about the Olympics and SNL...


    Talking points: fucking macros, not if i can help it, the good brothers, what if I invite the biggest cop, we are at war, I will eat my foot, DNF the relationship

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    49 mins
  • Update Your Sex Maps: Heated Rivalry Culture
    Apr 17 2026

    Heated Rivalry part 2: the cultural analysis. We cover lots of topics here, so get your pen ready to take notes. Class is in session.

    Talking points: do centaurs wear skates?, The Chicago Chandeliers, thank Gd you're gay!, wouldn't call an Oscar a mistake, these handsome young gentlemen, start your own kiss cam, give up vegetables for Lent, lipstick and the Twin Towers, touch Oz at a heated rivalrave

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    56 mins
  • RE-RELEASE! One Boyfriend is Too Much Work: Heated Rivalry
    Apr 14 2026

    Re-releasing this ep for our new project: Checking In.

    We're finally sharing our thoughts on THE book & show of our time, Heated Rivalry. This is part one of at least 3 but probably 100 because there's just so much to say.

    Talking points: greatest regret, my grandpa is Marty Supreme, evil situationships, fictional men are as good as it gets, you're allowed to like things without autism, gay + hockey + secrets = fun.

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    53 mins
  • Smashed Her Like a Bag of Chips: Breaking Dawn
    Apr 10 2026

    You've waited, you've asked, you've begged, and now you're finally getting what you want: the Breaking Dawn episode. (Reposted because of dang copyright)


    Talking points: one big boring book, to be near them was to love them, Mormon brain, Twilight x Freaky Friday, Twilight x Get Out, Twilight x The Little Mermaid, they love a google, monkitude, fucking big ass towel, ice cold popsicle penis, Bella is the villain, undulating body

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    53 mins
  • Is That Your Grandfather?!: Marty Supreme
    Feb 16 2026

    Awards watch: Marty Supreme! Recorded this over a month ago but Riley is a mess, so... here ya go.


    Talking points: look good and be dull, assumptions of Christianity, SCHWEP, NYU chlamydia, it's been a busy day, crying at a baby, getting your bottom spanked publicly, Slurpee

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    58 mins
  • I Lost My Virginity at Jacob's Kiss: Eclipse
    Nov 21 2025

    We've made it to 3 out of 4! It's Jenny's favorite: Eclipse.


    Talking points: long khaki skirts, wearing Jacob Black's wig, if I were Stephanie Meyer..., child of divorce, silly girl, separate holes, what have you done yet, she'd pick me if you made her, the venom of it all, thoughts of a baby, a lifetime of problems

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    48 mins