In this episode of Dementia Discussions, I sit down with Lisa Jo, a longtime member of the support group I co-lead at the Mary S. Easton Center for Alzheimer’s Disease Research at UCLA. Lisa has been navigating the complex, emotional, and often overwhelming role of long-distance caregiving, and today she opens up about her mother’s dementia journey, her father’s decline, and what it was like to step into full-time caregiving during one of the most difficult times in her family’s life.

Lisa shares so honestly about the unexpected challenges she faced—sun-downing behaviors, shifting family dynamics, medication management, caregiver burnout, and the heartbreaking realities that arise when a parent no longer recognizes you. She also gives a heartfelt look at the meaningful moments she was able to create with both of her parents during their final years together. Her story is raw, authentic, and full of wisdom for any caregiver walking a similar path.

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] – Lisa describes early signs of her mom’s sun-downing and the moment her mother no longer recognized her.
[00:37] – I welcome listeners to Season 3 and share my gratitude for the community.
[01:31] – Introducing Lisa Jo and her connection to our UCLA support group.
[02:02] – Lisa paints a picture of who her mom was before dementia—independent, outgoing, and full of life.
[03:23] – The beginning of her mother’s cognitive decline and early safety concerns.
[04:40] – The emotional toll on her dad as her mom’s personality and memory shifted.
[05:50] – Life in independent living and when Lisa decided to seek out caregiver support.
[07:02] – Lisa realizes her dad is overwhelmed and begins exploring outside help.
[08:40] – Moving in with her parents for 15 months during her dad’s illness and recognizing the true extent of her mom’s impairment.
[10:38] – Her dad relinquishes caregiving responsibilities as his own health declines.
[12:01] – Balancing full-time remote work while caregiving for both parents.
[14:40] – Challenges in communication, accusations, and emotional upheaval caused by dementia.
[15:50] – A bittersweet moment when her mom mistakes her for “someone familiar.”
[16:50] – Rebuilding an adult relationship with both parents and finding unexpected closeness.
[18:52] – How fortunate timing, flexibility, and family planning made care possible.
[20:00] – Her father’s passing and preparing her mother for the transition to memory care.
[21:37] – Moving her mom into memory care and the thoughtful steps she took to ease the adjustment.
[23:46] – Personalizing the new space with colors, familiar furniture, and meaningful artwork.
[26:07] – Navigating her mom’s grief and repeated questions after her dad’s death.
[28:21] – Using fiblets and reassurance to support her mom emotionally.
[30:58] – Long-distance caregiving today—video calls, late-night reassurance, and new complications with care-facility rules.
[33:18] – Adjusting to limited access and advocating for communication options.
[34:31] – Traveling back East periodically and managing a new diagnosis: multiple myeloma.
[36:06] – How the support group has helped Lisa through education, connection, and emotional release.
[37:30] – Navigating guilt as a long-distance caregiver and honoring her parents’ wishes.
[39:45] – The biggest silver lining—deepening her relationship with both of her parents.
[42:16] – Closing the conversation with gratitude and reflection.

Do you have a caregiving story to share? Barbara would love to hear from you! Please leave her a message at 310-362-8232 or send her an email through DementiaDiscussions.net. If you found value in today's episode, please don't forget to rate,

In this episode, I sit down with dementia counselor, educator, and author Tami Anastasia for a deeply meaningful conversation about what really drives behavior in dementia care. We go beyond surface-level symptoms and talk about the powerful role personal history, emotional patterns, and past trauma play once the brain can no longer filter or suppress them. This is one of those conversations that can completely change how you see dementia caregiving.

Tami joins me to discuss her newest book, Dementia Caregiving & Personal History: How to Help Cope, Connect, and Heal, and why this journey—painful as it is—can also be an opportunity for healing for both caregivers and those living with dementia. We explore how connection replaces correction, why the soul does not get dementia, and how caregivers can respond with empathy, reassurance, and boundaries instead of guilt

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] – When words fail, how caregivers can still connect by speaking to the soul
[1:26] – Introducing Tami Anastasia and her work in dementia counseling and education
[3:27] – Why dementia behaviors often connect to unresolved personal history
[6:45] – How past trauma resurfaces when coping mechanisms disappear
[9:01] – Caring for someone who didn’t take care of you—and setting boundaries
[12:11] – Using personalized language to reduce agitation and fear
[16:16] – Honoring identity and work history in dementia care
[19:02] – Caregiver guilt, grief, and the emotional weight of placement decisions
[24:23] – Fear-based family histories and nighttime paranoia
[29:16] – Personality traits intensifying as dementia progresses
[31:56] – Listening to emotional themes, not just words
[34:56] – The power of non-verbal connection when language breaks down
[38:01] – Giving caregivers permission to acknowledge their limits
[40:05] – How to find Tami’s books and upcoming audiobook release

Links & Resources:

Tami Anastasia's Book Dementia, Caregiving, and Personal History: How to Help, Cope, Connect, and Heal: https://a.co/d/4qoXZ2d

Do you have a caregiving story to share? Barbara would love to hear from you! Please leave her a message at 310-362-8232 or send her an email through DementiaDiscussions.net. If you found value in today's episode, please don't forget to rate, follow, share, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners and continue producing this content.

In this heartfelt episode of Dementia Discussions, I sit down with Christine, a member of my Alzheimer's Los Angeles caregiver support group and a wife navigating the difficult journey of her husband Steve's early-onset dementia. Christine and I talk about their 46-year marriage, how his brilliant legal career slowly unraveled, and the emotional toll that comes with losing the person you love in pieces.

Christine shares her personal reflections with honesty, humor, and wisdom. From the early warning signs she didn't recognize, to the agonizing process of telling their adult children and his law firm, to letting go of the life they once knew—Christine brings us into the deeply personal and complex world of caregiving. If you're a spouse, partner, or family caregiver, this episode is full of truths you’ll likely recognize and encouragement you didn’t know you needed.

Episode Highlights:

[0:40] - Meet Christine and hear how she and Steve met at debate camp as teenagers

[2:20] - A young love story and a 46-year marriage built on intellect and conversation

[5:13] - Early signs of cognitive decline during COVID and the initial diagnosis

[10:15] - The emotional toll of hiding the diagnosis from family and Steve's law firm

[13:55] - Steve's resignation and the loss of identity that came with it

[16:55] - Language loss, isolation, and grief within the marriage

[22:31] - Comparing dementia caregiving to a marathon and facing unpredictable hurdles

[25:14] - The driving dilemma and setting boundaries for safety

[29:47] - How caregiving affects patience, control, and old communication habits

[34:01] - Traveling with someone with dementia and adapting routines

[39:26] - Christine's coping tools: painting, music, exercise, and alone time

[42:02] - Recommended reads: Travelers to Unimaginable Lands and Loving Someone Who Has Dementia

[44:34] - Ambiguous loss and grieving someone who is still here

[45:52] - Financial challenges and the burden of full responsibility

[48:49] - Drawing lines for when to seek help or facility care

[52:15] - Silver linings: finding support in adult children and reclaiming time for herself

[56:18] - Learning to ask for help and connect with others in vulnerable moments

Do you have a caregiving story to share? Barbara would love to hear from you! Please leave her a message at 310-362-8232 or send her an email through DementiaDiscussions.net. If you found value in today's episode, please don't forget to rate, follow, share, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners and continue producing this content.