July: On Family

July 19

As a parent now—living in what I think is safe to say a beautiful, yet crazy world—I’m more conscious than ever of the things I say, and more than that, my actions. I’m not sure truer words have ever been spoken: Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. I’ll tell my daughter she should exercise, that it’s good for her—No thanks, I’d rather play Barbies. But the next day, she’ll tie a headband around her head and follow me into the workout space in the basement and spend half an hour in there with me swinging her five-pound kettlebell around. You should read, I’ll tell her—it makes you smart. It’s how you learn more about the world and other people—No thanks, I’d rather craft. An hour later, I’m reading a book (if godwilling I get 20 minutes to sit), and she’s right next to me flipping through Falling Up by Shel Silverstein. I’m fortunate to be able to work from home. I imagine when she comes into my office she sees the screen full of words and the back of my head, wondering what I’m doing all day just typing away. I’m writing, I say. It’s what I went to school for, now I’m able to do it for work. I write stories. And then she drags in her foam cushions, grabs a pen and notebook and sets it all up as her “desk” and begins writing stories of her own. Be kind to nature, I’ll say—they’re living creatures too, with feelings—Dad, it’s just a bug. But as we’re in the pool and a lost butterfly falls in and I run to grab the skimmer, she beats me to it, rescuing the little thing and placing it in the zinnias for shade and food.

Kids . . . they’re always watching. They’re always imitating. So you’d better make sure your actions are worth emulating.

• Reflection title: Do As I Say, Do As I Do
• Creative inspiration: James Baldwin, Nobody Knows My Name: More Notes of a Native Son
• Reflection question: Am I leading a good example for those younger than me with my actions, not just my words? Whose actions—those of someone older than I am—do I look to imitate?