In this episode, I break down one of the most misunderstood aspects of coercive control:

Isolation that doesn’t look like isolation.

Because the reality is—
Perpetrators don’t always say:
“You can’t go out.”
“You can’t see your friends.”

Sometimes, they do the opposite.

They encourage it.

And then punish you for it.

Through personal experience, I walk you through how this plays out in real life:

• Being encouraged to go out… then met with abuse, chaos, or crisis
• False emergencies designed to create panic and pull you back
• Emotional punishment for doing exactly what you were told to do
• How repeated patterns condition you to stop going anywhere at all

Over time, it becomes easier to withdraw.
Not because you were told to—
But because the consequences became too much to manage.

And that’s the part that’s often missed.

To the outside world, it can look like:

• A supportive partner
• A “fairy tale” relationship
• A victim choosing to stay home

But behind closed doors, the environment has been shaped so that:
Isolation feels like the safest option.

This episode also challenges how professionals assess risk.

Because asking:

“Did they ever stop you from going out?”

…is not enough.

We need to be asking:

• What happened when you did go out?
• Did it ever feel easier not to go?

Because victims are not the experts in naming abuse.
Professionals are supposed to be.

If we don’t understand this dynamic, we don’t just misunderstand victims—
we miss risk entirely.

If you are navigating abuse, support links are in the link tree.
If you’re a professional or survivor ready to deepen your understanding, you can also register your interest in trauma-informed training and resources via the link provided.

https://linktr.ee/breakthecyclemovement

Here’s a polished version you can use across Spotify, Apple, YouTube:

In this powerful episode of the Domestic Abuse Breakthrough Show, Kate is joined once again by youth worker and lived-experience advocate Wesley Owen Cunliffe.

Together, they explore the growing and deeply concerning reality facing young people today — from knife crime and exploitation to coercive control, peer pressure, and the blurred lines between “bullying” and abuse.

Drawing on frontline experience and trauma-informed insight, this conversation goes beyond headlines to unpack:

• Why young people are increasingly carrying knives — and where that path leads
• How abuse is learned, repeated, and normalised in childhood
• The impact of social media, belonging, and identity on behaviour
• Why “bullying” is often minimised language for something far more serious
• The confusion young people face around consent, relationships, and boundaries
• The devastating consequences of five minutes of decision-making
• How early intervention, role models, and community support can break the cycle

Wes shares raw, honest insight from his own journey — and delivers a message every young person needs to hear:

“The minute you pick up that blade… the clock starts ticking.”

This episode is a must-listen for:

• Parents
• Safeguarding professionals
• Educators
• Anyone working with young people
• And young people themselves

Because risk doesn’t suddenly appear in adulthood.
It starts earlier.
And if we don’t understand it, we miss it.

If you are navigating abuse, support links are in the link tree.
If you’re a professional or survivor ready to deepen your understanding, you can also register your interest in trauma-informed training and resources via the links provided.

https://linktr.ee/breakthecyclemovement

⚠️When we think about risk, most people focus on one thing:

The risk of homicide.

But that’s only one part of the picture.

In this episode, I break down what I call the three pillars of risk—a framework that challenges the way safeguarding, policing, healthcare, and social care currently assess danger.

Because if we only focus on whether someone might take a life…
we miss everything happening before that point.

In this episode, I explore:

• Pillar 1: Risk of homicide
• Pillar 2: Risk of suicide and self-harm (for both victims and perpetrators)
• Pillar 3: The long-term impact on physical health

Because prolonged exposure to trauma doesn’t just affect mental wellbeing—
it impacts the body, increases disease risk, and can become life-threatening in its own right.

• A system focused on criminal thresholds instead of risk management
• Victims being criminalised for trauma-driven responses
• Children being removed without addressing the wider risk environment
• Services working in silos instead of as a safeguarding system
• Early warning signs being missed across schools, healthcare, and workplaces

This episode looks at the bigger picture:

• Why early intervention is critical
• How risk doesn’t disappear—it changes form
• The role of schools, healthcare, workplaces, and the justice system in identifying risk sooner
• Why conviction should never be the primary goal—safety should
• And why victims should never be expected to be the experts in their own abuse

This isn’t just about understanding risk.

It’s about rethinking how we respond to it—across every system that comes into contact with victims and perpetrators.

Because right now, we’re reacting to crisis.

When we should be preventing it.

🔺 The Three Pillars of Risk⚠️ What’s going wrong right now🔍 What needs to change

If you are personally navigating a situation like this, or need support post-separation, you can access the Heal & Self Advocacy Hub and the Safety Exit Plan via the link below.If you are a professional—or someone who has come through the storm and now wants to support others—you can also register your interest in accredited trauma-informed training, available for individuals and teams.🔗 ⁠https://linktr.ee/breakthecyclemovement