CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language and spoilers!

This may not be the romance novel you want, but it is the romance novel you read. It's time for class at the Zodiac Academy.

And Awakening is, like, full of every fantasy trope you can think of: vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, nymphs, elemental magic, tarot, and astrology for some reason. Sexy, rich white men do a lot of bad things.

If you read this book, please note that hat boy's name is DIEGO. He MIGHT be evil, but we don't know yet. Let's ask the authors so we don't have to read 9 books to find out.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language, spoilers, and discussion of violence and death.

As far as the smut scale is concerned, Our Infinite Fates: A Novel's score is abysmal. Nevertheless, your hosts chose to read it and at least one of them had a good time!

The story follows fates-crossed lovers through their many lives and grizzly deaths. This episode follows your hosts through their thorough discussion of the novel's plot and several debates on what should or could have actually happened in the story.

Join us for this not-very-sexy time warped book talk!

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language and spoilers!

This book is about women in STEM: Sexy Titty-blessed Emergency-room-going Man-hating. (Sorry for that.)

We meet Bee, tiny, manic-millennial dream girl, and Levi, stoic and emotionally stunted science-jock. They're enemies, but wait! They're also in love. There are cats. There are outside feuds. There is a MURDER PLOT with an astronaut named Thomas. Copious diseases and mental illnesses abound.

No one in this book communicates, but that's ok, because that's what makes it good story telling, baby!

There, we read it. Toyota.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language, spoilers, and discussion of violence and death.

We did it. After two seasons, we finally made it to Fourth Wing, and it did not disappoint.

In this episode, you'll get love, loss, dragons, and family trauma. Death isn't the only thing lurking around the corners of Basgiath War college, and your hosts have plenty of thoughts to share on these characters and their magic in and out of the dorms. ;)

Strap into your dragon harness and have a nice ride!

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language, spoilers, and discussion of family trauma.

Easter cums year-round for readers of this story, and it's shaped like peeps...but human-sized peeps with big ol' penises.

Join Jessicunt and K as they dive into this creamy disaster that brings to life candy, will make you laugh, and have you questioning what modern love can look like in 2025.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language, spoilers, and discussion of sexual assault.

It's Bridgerton, Bitch!

Have you ever watched a TV show and thought, "Wow, I wish there was a worse version of this in book form?" Well, LUCKY, this one is for you!

The Duke and I is the boring story of Daphne and Simon. If you want smut, this technically checks some boxes, but feel free to watch the show instead. Shonda Rhimes, save us. (Though she doesn't spend as much time describing Simon's bed sheet kink.)

If you like boring, there is an entire universe of hetero nonsense for you to enjoy. Apparently Gregory's story is especially unhinged.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language and spoilers!

What do cannibalism, climate change, the Northwest Passage, and romance all have in common? The Ministry of Time!

In this episode, Jessicunt and K discuss the life and love (?) of an overworked British government employee, "The Narrator," as she works to assimilate a time traveling naval officer from the 1800's.

Grab your sea legs and hop aboard!

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains spicy language and spoilers!

What is discovered in A Discovery of Witches? In this episode's pick, Jessicunt and K explore the rich universe in Deborah Harkness's first book in the DOW series. Unfortunately for them, their exploration yields disparate opinions. Not the friendship-ruining kind, but still.

Does Diana Bishop have a personality beyond being THE CHOSEN ONE (chosen by Matthew at least)? Does Matthew have normal sperm? And, do the gay aunts ever get their own story? The answer is no. But listen to this episode anyways.