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Raise your hand if the last couple of weeks have felt… heavy.

Not just busy. Not just frustrating.
Heavy.

As more information comes out about the Epstein files and the physicians connected to them, many of us are noticing something uncomfortable stirring beneath the surface. And today, we’re naming it.

Vicarious shame.

Not guilt. Not embarrassment. Not even anger—though that may be there too.
Shame.

And here’s the important distinction:

• Guilt says: I did something bad.
• Shame says: I am bad.
• Vicarious shame is when we feel shame on behalf of someone else and their actions.

You haven’t done anything wrong.
And yet you may feel the weight of it.

Because we are physicians.
Because we identify deeply with our profession.
Because we carry responsibility seriously.
Because we are highly empathic women who have been socialized to hold things together.

And medicine? Medicine has trained us in shame.

We trained in environments where missteps equaled inadequacy.
Where not knowing something meant being exposed.
Where performance and worth blurred into one.

So when we see male physicians—powerful, wealthy, prominent—implicated in abuses of power, something hits close to home. Not because we are like them. But because we share the title.

And if you’ve noticed:

• A heaviness in your chest
• A compulsive urge to scroll and read more
• A sense of disgust that somehow turns inward
• A quiet questioning of the profession

You are not alone.

But here is what we will not do:

We will not carry their shame.

They deserve to experience shame for their actions. Shame is an appropriate human response to wrongdoing. If they do not feel it, that is their pathology—not your burden.

We do not atone for abuses we did not commit.
We do not hold shame for the profession.
We do not absorb the moral weight of other people’s misconduct.

What do we do instead?

1️⃣ We name it.

Naming vicarious shame immediately loosens its grip. When you say, “Oh. That’s what this is,” your nervous system settles.

2️⃣ We speak it.

Shame thrives in silence. When we talk about what we’re feeling—with trusted colleagues, friends, or within supportive spaces—we metabolize it.

3️⃣ We give it back.

There are practices for this. Writing a letter and burning it. Speaking aloud that you are releasing what isn’t yours. Sitting in witness with another human and choosing to let it go.

You are allowed to release shame that does not belong to you.

4️⃣ We practice critical awareness.

You may notice how quickly you internalize responsibility. How readily you identify with the profession. How often you hustle to represent medicine “well.”

You are not the bad actor.

You provide care.
You carry responsibility with integrity.
You have not abused your privilege.

We will not confuse ourselves with them.

This is heavy work. But it is human work. And it is especially

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: megan@healthierforgood.com

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

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You listen.
You nod.
You try to apply what you’re learning.

And still—something isn’t quite moving.

If that’s you, pause with me for a moment, because here’s the truth we don’t say out loud enough:

You are not doing anything wrong.

Most of what you’re trying to change—burnout, boundaries, habits, presence, sustainability—was never meant to be done in isolation. Not squeezed between patient visits, portal messages, and bedtime routines. Not silently. Not perfectly.

In this episode, we talk about what actually changes when women physicians stop trying to do this work alone and start doing it in community.

We explore three powerful shifts that happen when you’re supported instead of self-managing everything:

1. Community changes what feels possible
When you hear someone name your thought out loud, shame loosens its grip. You realize your struggle is patterned—not personal. And suddenly, you’re not wasting energy on self-judgment. You’re solving the real problem.

2. Accountability becomes support, not pressure
This isn’t about being pushed harder. It’s about being witnessed. About having your intentions held with you when your energy is depleted—and celebrating the small, meaningful wins that actually move the needle.

3. Self-kindness grows faster in relationship
Most of us didn’t learn compassion alone—we learned it by being treated kindly. In supportive spaces, we borrow that voice at first… until it becomes our own. And that voice is what sustains real change.

This episode also introduces The Practice—a connected community for women physicians who are done trying to “fix themselves” and ready to practice a more sustainable way of living and working.

Inside The Practice, you’ll find:

• Twice-monthly themed group sessions
• Open office hours for real-time problem-solving
• Monthly 1:1 coaching with me
• A space where your intelligence is assumed, your exhaustion makes sense, and your humanity is not treated as a problem

You don’t need more discipline.
You don’t need to try harder.
You don’t need to do this alone.

🎧 Listen to the episode, and if something in you whispers “this is what I’ve been missing,” that voice is worth trusting.

👉 Learn more about The Practice.

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: megan@healthierforgood.com

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us a text

Without overthinking it (yes, I know—that’s a tall order), I asked you to name one difficult emotion you’ve felt in the last few days. Anger. Frustration. Disgust. Resentment.

If your immediate instinct was to judge yourself for it—or to shove it down and keep functioning—this episode is for you.

As women physicians, we’ve been trained to override our internal signals. Push through. Stay professional. Don’t be “too emotional.” And yet, here we are—exhausted, overwhelmed, and wondering why everything feels so heavy.

In this episode, we slow it way down and start with the basics:

• What emotions actually are (and no, they’re not weaknesses)
• Why naming an emotion matters more than “fixing” it
• How emotions show up in the body—and why that’s information, not a flaw
• The simple (but powerful) process of connecting feelings → thoughts → actions
• How to stop judging yourself for having very normal human responses to very real circumstances

We talk about why staying stuck in unexamined emotions often leads to actions we regret—and how creating even a little space lets you choose differently. Not from suppression. Not from explosion. But from clarity.

This is about digesting emotions instead of drowning in them or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about honoring what your feelings are telling you—especially in a world (and a medical system) that benefits when you don’t.

And yes, I also share a bit about a new group experience I’m opening for women physicians who are craving connection, clarity, and a place where they don’t have to hold it all alone anymore.

You are not broken.
Your emotions are not wrong.
They might actually be pointing you back to who you are.

🎧 Listen in and let’s practice being human—on purpose.

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: megan@healthierforgood.com

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD