Why shared values matter more than size when building real community

Some freaks build massive platforms.

Stages.

Email lists.

Follower counts.

And then there are the freaks who build quietly — curating small circles rooted in shared values, deep trust, and sustainable connection.

In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with business strategist and operations expert Gwen Bortner to explore what community looks like when you opt out of hype, funnels, and “bigger is better” messaging — and choose intentional depth instead.

Gwen has spent over four decades building businesses, forming networks, and supporting women entrepreneurs. And while she doesn’t run a massive membership or chase viral growth, she has cultivated something many people secretly crave: meaningful, values-driven connection that sustains itself.

Together, Tonya and Gwen unpack what makes a community truly work, why shared values matter more than shared industries, and how defining success on your own terms changes everything.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to scale bigger when what you really want is deeper — this conversation offers a grounded, confident alternative.

[04:15] Why being “smart” doesn’t mean being smart at everything

[11:30] How shared values create stronger connection than shared revenue levels

[18:40] Why curated small groups bond faster than large memberships

[24:10] The confidence required to build “small on purpose”

[31:55] Why sustainable success matters more than being the best

[39:20] What happens when communities connect independently of the leader

[46:05] How to ask better questions than “What do you do?”

[52:30] One simple shift to help you find your people offline

Gwen challenges the assumption that community must be massive to matter.

Her approach is simple but powerful: curate small groups around shared values — not shared industries, revenue levels, or status.

In her quarterly planning retreats, women from wildly different business models and financial stages gather. What binds them isn’t similarity in structure — it’s alignment in values. Creativity. Kindness. Integrity. A desire to leave the world better than they found it.

The result? A community that sustains itself — even outside the container Gwen creates.

Private chats flourish. Partnerships form. Support extends beyond the structured event.

Not because it’s engineered.

Because it’s aligned.

One of the most liberating themes in this episode is Gwen’s clarity around success.

She doesn’t chase being the biggest.

She doesn’t need to be the best.

She doesn’t measure her worth by follower counts.

Instead, she focuses on being consistently good — and building a business she can sustain without burnout.

In a world obsessed with scaling up, Gwen reminds us that confidence comes from knowing your own definition of success — and refusing to borrow someone else’s metrics.

Perhaps the most practical takeaway from this conversation is this:

If you want to find your people, stop asking what they do.

Ask what they love about what they do.

That one question reveals values. And values are the fastest way to determine alignment.

Community doesn’t form around résumés.

It forms around meaning.

Gwen Bortner is a business strategist, operations expert, and trusted advisor with more than 40 years of experience across multiple industries. She helps women entrepreneurs define...

Why activity isn’t the same thing as impact—and why belonging begins where responsibility starts.

Belonging doesn’t come from being visible.

It comes from knowing that if you weren’t there, something real would be missing.

In this solo episode, Tonya Kubo reflects on a moment from her conversation with Jeff Yoshimi that wouldn’t let her go: people stay engaged when their effort actually changes something.

From that insight, Tonya unpacks a distinction many communities get wrong—the difference between participation and contribution. Liking posts, showing up to meetings, and staying active can create the appearance of belonging without ever creating real agency. And when communities confuse visibility for value, people drift—not because they don’t care, but because nothing they do seems to matter.

This episode explores why participation is safe and scalable, why contribution is risky and uneven, and why belonging forms not through sameness, but through shared responsibility. Tonya also speaks directly to community builders and leaders, examining what it ethically demands to steward spaces—especially when you’re managing communities you’re not personally part of.

If you’ve ever felt invisible in a crowded room, burned out in a highly “engaged” space, or frustrated that your efforts never seem to change the outcome, this episode names what’s really happening—and why it’s not a personal failure.

You’ll hear how:

1. Participation measures presence, but contribution changes systems
2. Visibility can be mistaken for value—and why that erodes belonging
3. People disengage when effort has no consequence
4. Belonging forms through trust, not inclusion alone
5. Uneven impact makes contribution emotionally risky
6. Communities fail when they protect comfort instead of meaning
7. Ethical community stewardship centers member agency over control
8. Belonging doesn’t require sameness—it requires responsibility

1. 0:00 – 4:30 Why engagement doesn’t equal belonging
2. 4:31 – 9:10 The insight from gaming that reframed everything
3. 9:11 – 14:45 Participation vs. contribution—and why we confuse them
4. 14:46 – 19:30 Why people drift when nothing they do matters
5. 19:31 – 25:20 The emotional risk of uneven impact
6. 25:21 – 31:40 Designing communities where effort has consequence
7. 31:41 – 38:10 Stewardship, power, and managing communities you’re not part of
8. 38:11 – 43:50 Protecting pathways for agency instead of comfort

How play, science, and grief come together to create unexpected community

Some freaks show up in obvious places.

Labs. Universities. Gaming consoles.

And then there are the freaks who live at the intersections — where research meets play, grief meets creativity, and community forms in unexpected ways.

In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with philosopher, cognitive scientist, and systems thinker Jeff Yoshimi, a professor at University of California, Merced, to explore how video games and citizen science can do more than entertain — they can save lives.

Jeff’s book Gaming Cancer was born out of personal loss, professional curiosity, and a refusal to accept helplessness as the final answer. After cancer touched his family in devastating ways, Jeff began asking a radical question:

What if everyday people — gamers, designers, artists, marketers — could meaningfully contribute to cancer research without needing a lab coat?

Together, Tonya and Jeff explore how games tap into our deep wiring as problem-solving creatures, why motivation works differently when the challenge is the reward, and how belonging can form when people from wildly different worlds come together around a shared mission.

If you’ve ever felt powerless in the face of a massive problem — or wondered whether your skills could actually matter — this conversation offers a hopeful, grounded, and deeply human reframe.

[05:40] Why humans are wired to solve problems — and how games activate that instinct

[10:55] How game design creates intrinsic motivation (and why homework can’t compete)

[16:30] The moment Gaming Cancer was born during a sleepless night at Stanford

[22:45] Citizen science explained: how everyday players can contribute to real research

[28:10] How the RNA-design game Eterna helped advance vaccine research

[35:20] Why designers and marketers are essential to scientific progress

[41:50] What happens when grief, play, and purpose exist in the same space

[49:05] Why trying something — even without guaranteed success — still matters

[55:40] What to do if you want to help but don’t know where to start

Jeff explains that games aren’t just distractions — they’re beautifully engineered systems that reward curiosity, persistence, and creative problem-solving.

When scientific challenges are embedded into game mechanics, players can unknowingly contribute to real discoveries simply by doing what humans do best: trying to solve the puzzle in front of them.

One powerful example comes from Eterna, a game where players helped design RNA molecules — contributions that played a role in developing coronavirus vaccines stable at room temperature. That’s not hypothetical impact. That’s real science shaped by collective effort.

Cancer often leaves people searching for something they can do.

Fundraising. Awareness. Advocacy. Prevention.

Jeff suggests a fifth path: contribution through skill.

Artists can design.

Marketers can attract players.

Developers can build systems.

Gamers can play — and solve.

Instead of asking people to leave their talents behind, citizen-science games invite them to bring all of who they are into the fight.

One of the most grounding truths in this conversation is simple:

You don’t need certainty to justify action.

Jeff is clear — most scientific progress is incremental. But reframing problems through