In this episode of The Choice Space, Dr Lee David speaks with Nic Malcomson, integrative psychotherapist, about the success trap – the pattern where strengths that once helped us thrive can gradually become rigid and exhausting.

The conversation explores how early success, positive feedback and high standards can shape identity over time. When life becomes more demanding or circumstances change, the same qualities that once worked well can begin to create pressure, self-doubt and a fear of slipping.

Lee and Nic discuss how this can show up in different ways – from ongoing over-striving and perfectionism to a deeper sense of feeling stuck after a setback. They reflect on the link between performance and self-worth, and how difficult it can be when identity becomes tied to always coping, achieving or getting things right.

The episode also explores Nic’s idea of fallible flourishing – a more compassionate and realistic way of thinking about growth, motivation and thriving. Together, they consider the value of naming the pattern, recognising the role of environment and finding space for being human rather than endlessly performing.

This is a thoughtful conversation about pressure, identity and self-worth, offering a kinder and more sustainable way to think about success.

Key moments

00:00 Why naming it matters
00:29 Introducing the success trap
01:30 Nic’s own experience
04:27 How identity develops
06:37 Burnout and breakdown
07:03 Chronic, acute and stuck patterns
11:01 Why setbacks can help
13:37 Ideal lived self and feared self
19:08 The importance of normalising
26:54 Under, over and optimal motivation
31:49 Fallibility and connection
33:18 Environment and supportive change

About the guest

Nic Malcomson is an integrative psychotherapist who has delivered more than 5,000 therapy sessions for doctors through NHS Practitioner Health and in his private practice, Eudemedics: Well-being for Doctors. He developed the Fallible Flourishing Model, which explores how early experiences of success can later create psychological traps around performance, identity and self-worth, and how these patterns can shift towards more sustainable flourishing.

You can connect with Nic on LinkedIn or through his website: www.eudemedics.com

About the host

Dr Lee David is a GP, CBT therapist and author specialising in mental health and wellbeing. Lee has written many books on CBT, mindfulness and teen wellbeing, and speaks regularly at conferences and in the media. Away from work she enjoys running, hiking, singing in a choir and spending time outdoors with her family. You can find Lee through her website and on Instagram, TikTok (@dr.lee.david), Facebook and LinkedIn. You can find more about her books, wellbeing courses and therapy here: https://linktr.ee/dr.lee.david