“Wake me when there’s a yield. Until then, it’s just electronic tulips with a nice PR team,” said a junk-bond trader I slept with in the ’80s, who later asked me about Bitcoin from Sing Sing.

This post, like my period, is three months late and yet another matter AI cannot solve, given my procrastination and sheer laziness. I remind you: I do not have a job, but I also do not have access to cash due to my husband’s mob ties. Crypto solves this.

Luckily I’m not pregnant, because I can’t deal with the weight gain and no, my lack of blood is not age-related, thank you very much. I’ve simply been doing laps every morning in the jail swimming pool with some of the loveliest felons from the heyday of trad-fi in the ’80s. Whoever claimed crypto had the most criminals clearly never lived through the Boiler Room years of slicked-back junk-bond bros whose foreplay consisted of a dry finger-bang while saying things like “financed raider” and “ramping the stock.” Even after all that, I still can’t handle the on-chain mess we have today. Stress level: high.

Between Bitcoin’s drastic drop blasting through my alimony and child support; yes, I asked for the funds to be in Bitcoin, and yes, that day happened to land on October 10, which historically is the worst week for us Jews, I remain violently underwhelmed by machine learning.I instead cling to my hardcore, conservative, maximalist American values: the Bitcoin white paper, my Bible pure and pristine collateral with no need for interference. Much like my engagement ring, which was a gift.

In this season of greetings, it’s important to remember what we’re grateful for. My list has been the same since I was thirteen years old: cigarettes, private jets, and Xanax.

I digress.

My guest today is the following Ivy League contemporary: Kyle O’Brien. He almost married my sister, which would have been awkward given the throbbing sexual tension permeating this episode. I am in awe of Kyle due to his knowledge, his Frenchness, his homoerotic encryption, and his commitment to longevity in a country where the biggest moneymaker is suicide prevention and Lexapro. Kyle is hot. Kyle is smart. He is also, allegedly, best friends with Biggie, Tupac, and Pavarotti from his stint at RapGenius.

He is the primary advisor to the Founder & CEO of Zama AI. He is co-pilot on strategy, execution, startup acceleration, partnerships, growth experiments, new ventures, and “special projects that are not drugs. .

Zama is an open-source cryptography company building state-of-the-art Fully Homomorphic Encryption (FHE) solutions for blockchain and AI basically wizard-level math that lets machines compute on encrypted data without ever seeing it. I promise you I wont need it. You might tho.

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New Sode Glitter Ledger;

I must be the only person on God’s Green Earth who is so deeply unimpressed with AI. Have you ever heard one of your peers or staff speak with authority on the topic without sounding like a complete pompous asshole with small anatomy and/or a troubling complexion?

Alas, I consider myself a deeply attractive pompous asshole with a kind stalker-like disposition . As such, I use ChatGPT like rest of my well bred waspy goldigging alcoholic materialistic sxually starved intellectuals for concoctions on how to seduce a Sheik or for how to leverage all of my alimony into a House in St St. Tropez. Otherwise, I see the AI use cases as a Communist Manifesto; good idea in practice, but everyone ends up #poor.

Perhaps automated workflows are uninteresting to yours truly because I have no workflow to automate. Ipso Facto; wake me when #AI can give my husband a uknowwhat and design a powerpoint that designs a plan to launder money for the lazy.

I digress,, my guest today is a real Crypto Nigerian Prince, side ordered as a well dressed Zoologist turned Ava Labs Executive. Not to be confused with an Avalanche Foundation executive. Yes, Afeez Awowole. He is a sought after guest and heavily edited my questions because most were too personal and likely indictable.

I was looking forward to learning how to cook the books beyond throwing my journals into boiling water. I asked him why #accounting is so boring. I asked how to talk about balance sheets with a hint of mortifying sexual tension. When I was high on quaaludes I took out a mortgage that I made on crayons to buy more #AVAX and could only eat chickpeas and prosecco for 3 weeks. ButI lost a stone so I am bullish. Furthermore, my ex had a penchant for the P-chain.

#Avalanche is the less cute stepsister of #Solana with an Ivy League degree and a #vicodin problem. She has what it takes to succeed with meaningful useless institutional partnerships for real world assets that I cannot melt down into a bullet. Real world assets should not be on-chain and should be in a #vault. Although I have some assets onchain I lost them because it is too goddamn complicated to retrieve. But like #Jesus Christ rising on Easter, Avax too will rise.

I digress, Awkle met during the early days of Facebook in Ireland, I was working as a cocktail waitress on the lam and he helped set up a sick album. I was desperately in love with him but he maintained that he couldn't marry a married woman . Instead he agreed to help me put my ConED on autopay and teach me the zoology of #Ocelots.

He is deeply intelligent to the point of sinister intrigue. His accent is a country club pour of Miles Davis meets Michael Saylor meets Liam Neeson. If this Nigerian Prince says Avalanche will change the world then it's indeed time to take out a third mortgage in Cray Paux right in time for Halloween. #GlitterLedger #Avax #AutomateMyPChain

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New ‘Sode Glitter Ledger; Its Fashion Week where DATS are ala mode on the cover of Vogue. Ipso facto I shall request filing for a DAT all over my body and wrap it in a NVIDIA oil titanium put leveraged on Cote du Rhone and chocolate sprinkles.

What's a DAT you may ask. Well I’m so glad you did. I turned to my psychiatrist Dr. Seuss, who has a confusing following as a Nazi Bitcoin Maximalist. But I digress, he requested I open up The CAT in the DAT and read on page 14.

“It is fun to have fun But you have to know how. That is what the cat said.Then he fell on his head!” -"They are tame. Oh, so tame! They have come here to play. They will give you some fun On this wet, wet, wet day."Oh, the things they will bump! Oh, the things they will hit! Should we tell her about it? Now, what SHOULD we do? Well. What would You do If your mother asked You?

Inspired but confused, I realized that $375 session that had gone to waste could have spent on Bitcoin or quayludes. I then asked my dearest friend Fyre Festival Founder Billy McFarland Together with my bedazzled baccarat magnifying glass his Sharpei intern, we both determined that DATS are cute companies that purchase tokens on their balance sheets to capitalize on adderal spiked price appreciation and then they subsequently dump it in the pubelle. Thats french for garbage can. I am in.

Oh the things you can think when you think about Seuss!

Alas, Billy and I are throwing a Cat in the DAT Conference on Hedera for Armani RIP. It will be held in Gstaad on a Green Mountain aptly named Galaxy.

But I digress.

My guest today is the supremely wonderful Josh Sroge. I interviewed Josh so long ago that just about everything in this episode is now factually incorrect. Do not let this stop you from listening. As most of what I say in the present is wrong.

Josh is almost as entertaining as I am so the interview is worth a listen if insider info Binance US water cooler alpha intrigues you.

It does not me. All I care about is Xanax and Private Jets and Hedera.

I really wanted to get Josh on the show because I have not had a guest without hair and I want a Hedera Grant so I can finance my 2nd home in Burkina Faso. I queried a critical question where I wanted Josh to determine the answer to who would win in an elegant bar fight between Bitcoin Maximalists, CZ, or Hedera Fanatics. Josh responded with the flair of a disgraced politician. Alas, Josh is a former aspiring local politician, whose campaign I laundered money through to finance purchasing a Birkin and a pack of cigs.

I digress. Josh is a fascinating melange of the Old School Crypto Bros of yester year coupled with a New Yorker Roc Hudson charm sans homosexuality. We met on a panel but I was not on it. He lives in the Caymans for obvious reasons. He had a stint as the CFO slash CEO of Binance US and currently serves as a Director of the Hedera Foundation. He fits my criteria of financial availability in a mate based on his resume. Thats french for resume. Josh agrees with me that sales is essentially about how thin you are. The man has the charisma of someone who could sell you a timeshare on Jupiter and has had an enviable career in a space full of many individuals who have needed thousand dollar attorneys. Josh is welcome on Glitter anytime. It was the utmost pleasure.

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