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In this episode, the hosts blend personal anecdotes, characteristic humor, and deep-dive conspiracy theories, all while sampling "Champagne Bears" (gummy bears) and discussing high-end whiskey.

Falling Down and Looking Up

The episode kicks off with the hosts trading "stairs stories." One host recounts a recent "expeditious descent" where he slipped in "cartoon mode" while trying to sign for a package, resulting in multiple rug burns. This prompts a second story from years ago involving a single-wide trailer, icy wooden steps, light blue boxer briefs, and "church shoes" (slick-bottomed loafers). The host describes a cinematic fall where he hit every single step, landing in the ice while his 120-pound bulldog, Hoss, watched with complete indifference.

The "Purple Bag Project" and Cultural Humor

Transitioning from their usual "self-sponsored" appreciation for Crown Royal, the hosts highlight a philanthropic effort they discovered: The Purple Bag Project.

• The Mission: Crown Royal turns their iconic purple bags into care packages for overseas military personnel.
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• Interaction: Users can virtually "pack a bag" on the website with items like beef jerky and nuts at no cost.

The conversation then veers into a comedic list of "alternate names" for white people (e.g., "Arctic Hermano," "Cracker Attacker," and "Wonder Bread Dunderhead") and a funny story about one host attempting to order Panda Express in a "samurai voice," much to the embarrassment of his son.

The "Big Hoax": The Moon Landing

The "Tough Topic" of the day focuses on the validity of the 1969 moon landing. The hosts express skepticism based on several classic conspiracy points:

• The Camera Work: They question who was already on the moon to film the lander and the first steps.
• The Technology Gap: They find it hard to believe that 1969 technology allowed for clear communication from space when modern cell signals drop between a driveway and a foyer.
• Modern Issues: They contrast the "flawless" 60s missions with modern astronauts getting "stuck" in space, questioning why we haven't returned if the technology was mastered decades ago.

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In this episode of the podcast (Season 3, Episode 3), Double G opens the year 2026 with their usual brand of irreverent and often politically incorrect humor.

Episode Highlights

• Merch & New Beginnings: The hosts discuss their new intro song and promote their latest merchandise, specifically highlighting a "Braille shirt" (the "Steve's Wonder Tee"). They joke about the irony of a Braille shirt that blind people can't actually read because it isn't embossed.
• Observations on Accessibility: This leads to a comedic riff on the placement of Braille in public spaces. They question how blind people find Braille signs on restroom walls or why Braille is included on drive-up ATM buttons, jokingly suggesting they wait at an ATM to "rob" a blind driver.
• New Year’s Resolutions: They revisit their stance that "resolutions are dumb." One host tells a story about a man named Luis who joined an expensive gym ($65/month) only to go home immediately without working out.
• "Black Chris" and the Plate of Dicks: A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a listener/friend named "Black Chris." They laugh over a photo he sent of a New Year's Eve meal involving pretzel breadsticks and ranch dressing that looked unintentionally phallic.
• Prison & Race Jokes: The conversation shifts to one host’s brother in prison ("the joint"), his interactions with a Hispanic inmate named Enrique, and a "Yakuza" coworker named Dave. The humor relies heavily on racial stereotypes and "petty" observations.
• The "Tough Topic" – Lawn Care Etiquette: The hosts eventually get to their main topic: what time is it socially acceptable to start lawn work? They complain about neighbors using leaf blowers as early as 7:45 AM on holidays and discuss the efficiency (or lack thereof) of professional landscaping crews.

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In this episode focused on tackling tough topics, Goat and Glaze are joined by "Korben Dallas" (previously Zoltar) to explore the highly unusual question: "How do blind people know what humans look like?" The discussion quickly spirals into a hilarious and surprisingly deep philosophical debate, using the previous episode's jail call as a perfect, unscripted opening.

The hosts contemplate how the blind form a baseline for appearance, joking that perhaps they rely on action figures or old Raggedy Ann dolls. They question the challenges of a blind introduction where feeling someone's face is necessary, and hilariously ponder the implications of having a blind caregiver in prison.

The conversation rapidly accelerates, proposing a scientific approach to blindness through echolocation (like dolphins) and questioning if the tapping of a white cane is essentially Morse code. They address crucial, unanswered life questions, such as:

• Who watches the child if two blind people have a kid?
• How would blind parents recognize autism or a gender transition in their child?
• How do blind people navigate apartment buildings when numbers can be inverted?

This leads them to the terrifying realization that blind people, who can't see the environment changing from concrete to sand, might be the only ones who truly encounter quicksand in modern life, ending the segment on a darkly funny note. The hosts also take a side-quest to critique their beverages, finding a hard-to-believe statement on their Coke can: "Contains no dairy," and preview the next tough topic: lawn care etiquette.