Episode Description

A comment on social media called me a “complete nobody” sharing “baseless opinions” about things I’m “unqualified” to speak on.

Instead of deleting it, I decided to unpack it.

Because underneath that one sentence sits something bigger — who we decide gets to speak, who gets dismissed, and how easy it is to start believing the dismissal.

In this episode, I explore what actually makes someone a “nobody,” what qualification really means outside of institutions, and why we hand so much power to opinions from people who don’t know us, fund us, or live our life.

This also ties into what I call the Use-By Lie — the quiet narrative that creeps in as we get older, telling us our window has closed and our voice carries less weight.

This isn’t about politics.
It’s not about being right.

It’s about permission — and how often we outsource it.

If you’ve ever held back because you felt under-qualified, under-recognised, or past your “prime,” this one’s for you.

In this episode, we cover:

• What actually defines a “nobody”
• Why visibility gets confused with value
• The difference between qualification and judgment
• What makes an opinion truly baseless
• How commentary shrinks people more than real limits do
• The psychology of borrowed ceilings
• The Use-By Lie — and how it shows up later in life
• Rebuilding vs building, and the shift that changes everything
• Why permission is internal — even when doubt is loud

Mentioned:

• The Man in the Arena – Theodore Roosevelt
• The concept of the Use-By Lie

If this episode gave you something solid to think with, you’ll find more at grownmanspeak.com.au.

That’s where the podcast archive lives, along with articles, free resources.

Like a copy of my new book The Gap click the link below

BUY THE GAP

If it landed, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

Till next time, catch you later.

This is Grown Man Speak — a podcast for men who’ve lived some life and want to see more clearly what’s been running them.

If this episode landed, you’re welcome to join the conversation in the Grown Man Speak Facebook group.

More to come.

Episode Description

After a big creative push, there’s often a strange, quiet stretch that follows.

The work’s been done.
The effort’s been spent.
But nothing’s reflecting back yet.

In this episode, I talk about that uncomfortable gap between effort and results — the phase where doubt creeps in, motivation drops, and a lot of blokes quietly give up.

Not because they failed — but because the silence messes with their head.

We dig into why this phase feels so destabilising, how our need for certainty drives us to distraction or quitting, and why learning to stay put in the valley might be the most important skill you can build — whether you’re creating something, changing your life, or just trying to move forward without blowing it all up.

This isn’t about pushing harder.
It’s about understanding what’s actually happening when things go quiet — and not misreading the process.

In this episode, we cover:

• The strange “dead air” that follows a big push
• Why silence often gets mistaken for failure
• The gap between effort and outcome — and why it’s unavoidable
• How uncertainty triggers old survival behaviours
• Why most people quit before anything has time to work
• The idea of the Valley of Despair — and why it shows up in every meaningful change
• Noticing and recording micro-wins when progress isn’t obvious
• Why learning to tolerate uncertainty matters more than motivation

A simple tool mentioned:

• The Proof Journal — a way to collect real evidence of progress when your brain starts telling you nothing’s changing

Here you can check out the new Grown Man Speak Website

https://www.grownmanspeak.com.au/

You'll find all my latest Medium articles, a growing library of free resources, the podcast archive, newsletter signup, and soon—you'll be able to order The GAP.

If you enjoyed this episode, add it to your favorites, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Every bit helps us reach more blokes—and that's the mission."

Till next time, catch you later.

This is Grown Man Speak — a podcast for men who’ve lived some life and want to see more clearly what’s been running them.

If this episode landed, you’re welcome to join the conversation in the Grown Man Speak Facebook group.

More to come.

Misalignment doesn’t just feel uncomfortable — it costs you.

In this episode of Grown Man Speak, Rob follows on from Episode 2 and takes a closer look at how misalignment actually shows up in real life — through behaviour, broken promises, resentment, and loss of trust — and the invisible price we pay when we live with it for too long.

This isn’t about quick fixes or seven-step plans.
It’s about learning to read the signals your life is already giving you — and understanding what they’re costing you.

In this episode, we explore:

• How misalignment shows up in behaviour (not character)
• Why unease is a signal, not proof that you’re broken
• The Eulogy Gap — and how it reveals direction
• Broken promises as pressure points, not moral failure
• Trade-offs, resentment, and the cost of unowned compromise
• How loss of trust (with others and yourself) quietly erodes confidence
• Simple clues that point toward what actually matters:
  • what lights you up
  • what pisses you off
• Aristotle’s Golden Mean — and why living at the extremes drains you
• Why values change over time, and what happens when you live by outdated ones

Exercises Mentioned in This Episode

These aren’t homework. They’re tools. Use what’s useful.

1. The Eulogy Gap

Imagine someone you genuinely respect delivering your eulogy.

• What would you want them to say about you?
• Based on how you’re living right now, what would they actually say?
• How big is the gap?

That gap is where misalignment lives.

2. Broken Promises Audit

Think about promises you genuinely mean when you make them:

• to your kids
• to your partner
• to yourself

Where do they keep breaking?
Not to judge yourself — but to spot conflicting values or limited capacity.

3. Follow the Clues

Two simple lists:

• What lights you up?
  (20 things you genuinely love doing — not escape, not thrill-seeking)
• What pisses you off?
  Your frustrations are your values in reverse. They reveal boundaries and conflict.

A Note on This Podcast

This podcast isn’t here to fix you, motivate you, or tell you how to live.

It’s here to help you see clearly:

• what’s off
• what it’s costing you
• and what deserves your attention

Awareness comes first. Action comes later.

Get Involved

If this episode landed for you:

• Follow or subscribe so you don’t miss future episodes
• Leave a rating or review — it genuinely helps more men find the show
• Join the conversation in the Grown Man Speak Facebook community https://www.facebook.com/groups/1226777382613319

A website and further resources are on the way.

This is Grown Man Speak — a podcast for men who’ve lived some life and want to see more clearly what’s been running them.

If this episode landed, you’re welcome to join the conversation in the Grown Man Speak Facebook group.

More to come.