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Hey Gay Boy

Hey Gay Boy

Written by: James Wallis
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Hey gay boy.


This is a podcast about the things nobody warned us about. The quiet shame, the overthinking, the patterns we carried into adulthood without ever being given a name for them.


Each episode explores gay identity, mental health, and the psychology of growing up gay. Short, honest, and stripped back. Because some things are better said out loud. Part story, part reflection on what it really means to come out, grow up, and figure yourself out in a world that didn't always make space for you.


This podcast is for the gay man who has done the coming out bit but still feels like he's carrying something he can't quite name. The one who looks fine on the outside but knows there's a version of himself he never really got to meet. The one who grew up performing, pleasing, shrinking and is only now starting to unpick why.


If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you're exactly who this is for.


Hey Gay Boy started as a series of short form videos. Honest, spoken word reflections on the nuances of growing up gay. The response was something I wasn't prepared for. Thousands of people telling me they'd never had a name for what they were feeling. That someone had finally said it out loud.


The Substack followed. Then came the realisation that some of these conversations needed more than a caption or an article. They needed audio. They needed to feel like a voice note from someone who gets it.

So here we are.


Each episode draws on psychology, personal experience, and the kind of quiet observations that don't make it into mainstream conversations about LGBT life. We talk about minority stress, shame, self worth, attachment, the inner child, and all the invisible ways growing up gay shapes who we become, long after we've come out.


No guests (yet). No panel discussions. Just honest, considered reflections designed to be listened to on a commute, a walk, or one of those evenings when you just need to feel a little less alone in it.


Thank you so much for being here,


James x

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

James Wallis Hygiene & Healthy Living Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Social Sciences
Episodes
  • it was never about the six-pack

    it was never about the six-pack
    Jun 24 2026

    In this episode, I talk about the bodies we build and the validation we chase, and why getting the thing you always wanted so often leaves you feeling like a stranger to yourself.


    We've all got a thing. The abs, the jawline, the perfect picture, the number of likes. We call it a glow-up, taking care of ourselves, finally getting it together. But what happens when you get there, when the compliments roll in and the attention lands, and nothing inside you actually shifts?


    In this one I dig into why so many of us chase the "ideal" body, and why it's almost never really about the body at all. I talk about the validation loop, the Grindr notifications, the thirst traps, the endless refreshing, and what's really sitting underneath it.


    Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/

    Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content


    If you have a spare 2 minutes, I'd love your support for the bCreator nominations too, you can vote for me here


    Lastly, if you'd like to support my work - I am massive fan of coffee and you can buy me one here.


    Thanks for everything.


    Big love,


    James

    Want to go deeper?

    The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

    Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

    If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

    Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
    Show More Show Less
    12 mins
  • understanding the validation loop

    understanding the validation loop
    Jun 17 2026

    In this episode, I talk about the validation loop - and why no amount of likes, compliments, or achievements will ever fill the hole we've been trying to fill since we were kids.


    There's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from spending your whole life being loved for a version of yourself you've carefully constructed. You get the job, the body, maybe even the guy - and still something feels hollow. If you know that feeling, this one's for you.


    In this episode, I walk through the three stages of the validation loop - the performance, the achievement, and the collapse - and why so many of us in the gay community end up trapped in it.


    Drawing on Jung's idea of the persona, Alan Downs' work in The Velvet Rage, and some hard-won personal reflection, I explore how growing up feeling like something was fundamentally wrong with us taught us to earn our place in every room we walked into. And I talk about what it actually looks like to start breaking the cycle - not through another glow-up or a busier schedule, but by getting honest about the parts of yourself you've been hiding.


    Because the hunger was never really for validation. It was always for integration.


    Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/


    Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content


    Thank you as always x







    Want to go deeper?

    The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

    Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

    If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

    Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
    Show More Show Less
    10 mins
  • the drama triangle: the best thing I learnt in therapy?

    the drama triangle: the best thing I learnt in therapy?
    Jun 10 2026

    In this episode, I talk about one of the most useful things I've ever learned in therapy — and why I think it changes everything once you see it.


    Most of us have been in conflict that just doesn't make sense. The friendship that keeps blowing up. The relationship that runs in circles. The moment you realise you've spent years trying to fix everyone else's problems and somehow ended up feeling like the villain anyway.


    I walk through a psychological framework called the Drama Triangle - what it is, the three roles we unconsciously slip into, and why it hits differently when you've grown up gay. Because when shame, people-pleasing, and the need to be liked have been baked into you since childhood, these patterns run deep.


    This one is about understanding the scripts we didn't know we were following - and what it looks like to finally start rewriting them.


    Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/


    Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more content

    Want to go deeper?

    The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.com

    Come and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_

    If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.

    Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
    Show More Show Less
    9 mins
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