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How To Love Yourself No Matter What

How To Love Yourself No Matter What

Written by: Amanda Hess: Certified Life Coach for women ready to heal past hurt and finally thrive
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You're still replaying that conversation from six days ago. The one where you said the wrong thing, or said nothing at all, and you've been rewriting it in your head ever since. You've read the books. You've listened to the podcasts. You've taken the advice, and you're still lying awake at 11pm running the tape back. Here's what nobody tells you — you can't think your way out of overthinking. Not when your nervous system is still convinced that if you just analyze it hard enough, you'll finally get it right and nobody will be disappointed in you. You learned that somewhere. You were probably very young. And it worked, which is exactly why it's so hard to put down. This podcast is for overthinkers who are done holding it all together and ready to feel at home in their own skin. The women who are smart and capable and self-aware, and still can't shake the feeling they're surviving instead of living. Each week, Amanda Hess, Certified Life Coach and straight-talking deep-feeler, shares honest coaching, personal stories, and practical tools to help you: Get out of your head and into your life Stop managing your emotions like a full-time job Quiet the replay without white-knuckling it Build self-trust that lasts Live on your terms — without apology You're not broken and you're not behind. You've just been doing it alone, with a brain that never shuts off and nobody showing you what to do with it. Come listen. You'll hear yourself in every episode — and find out how to love yourself no matter what. 📅 New episodes every Thursday.2025 How To Love Yourself No Matter What Alternative & Complementary Medicine Hygiene & Healthy Living Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Self-Help Success
Episodes
  • 333. Why You Can't Control Your Emotions (and How to Be Their Boss Instead)

    333. Why You Can't Control Your Emotions (and How to Be Their Boss Instead)
    Oct 8 2026

    A few weeks ago I got a no. I applied for something I really wanted, something that would have been a big deal for me and my business, and I didn't get picked. I'm not going to tell you what it was because it doesn't matter. What matters is what happened in the 4 seconds after I read the email, when my brain was off and running with every reason I wasn't good enough and every argument for making myself smaller so it would never happen again. That moment is what this episode is about. Not the no. What you do with the feeling that shows up right after it.

    In this episode I talk about the lie we've all been told, that emotions are something you can control, and what to do instead. I walk you through the reframe that landed for me driving in my car: your emotions are employees you don't get to fire. They show up to every meeting whether you hired them or not. You're their boss, but being the boss has never meant getting rid of them. It means respecting them, knowing them by name, understanding where they're coming from and what they feel like in your body, and then deciding what you're going to do with what they're offering. I also talk about why your capacity for this will be lower when life is hard, and what being a good boss to your emotions actually requires of you.

    I use figure skating to show you how this works in real time, because I just competed less than a month ago and the adrenaline dumped into my body exactly the way it always does. Fear showed up and told me to run. I didn't argue with her and I didn't pretend she wasn't there. I said, of course you're here, let's go, and I used that energy for my jumps. Shaky arms, shaky legs, brain trying to devolve, and me in the middle of it going, no baby, dig in, where's the music, what's next. That's what being the boss looks like. It's the same thing my clients go through when they're dating and terrified of liking someone who won't like them back. Same emotion, same body, same job.

    Key Takeaways:

    You don't control your emotions. Nobody does. Every plan that starts with "I just need to stop feeling this" fails, and then you make the failure mean something about you.

    Your emotions are employees you can't fire. They're always on the team. Being the boss means leading them, not getting rid of them.

    Respect comes first, and respect means acknowledgement. You can't acknowledge a feeling you can't name, so get an emotions wheel and move past "anxious, sad, mad."

    Understand where it comes from (the thought or belief underneath) and what it feels like in your body. You can't lead someone you don't understand.

    Then decide. Is what this feeling is offering what we're going to use, in the way it's offered? If not, how are we going to redirect it? Fear becomes fuel. You go anyway.

    Being a good boss to your emotions means sleep, regulation, things that ground you, and getting support where you need it. Your capacity will be lower when life is hard, and nothing is going wrong when it is.

    If you're exhausted from overthinking and stress, come to my free weekly class. I'll teach you this concept and several others so you can start feeling at home in your own brain. Sign up at amandahess.ca/overthink. And come find me on Instagram at theamandahess and message me what you took away from this one. I'd love to answer your questions.

    Links referenced in this episode:

    https://amandahess.ca/overthink

    https://www.instagram.com/theamandahess
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    22 mins
  • 332. Why Fall Feels So Hard (and How to Let Bittersweet Through)

    332. Why Fall Feels So Hard (and How to Let Bittersweet Through)
    Oct 5 2026

    Bittersweet is the feeling of saying hello and goodbye at the same time, and if you're resisting it, you're in a lot more pain than you need to be.

    In this episode I talk about the seasonal change we're in right now, both the one happening outside your window and the one happening in your life. Kids leaving home, parents aging, friendships shifting, chapters closing before the next one has really started. I see it in my clients in their 20s who are anxious to make spring happen faster, and I see it in my clients in their 70s who have bigger things landing on their doorstep every year. Fall is the season that unsettles people the most, and I break down why, plus the two things you actually need in place to let that emotion move through you instead of running from it: a nervous system that's regulated enough to feel safe feeling, and the skill of letting an emotion through. I also get into the difference between distracting and grounding, because the activity can look exactly the same and the intention changes everything.

    I recorded this one a few weeks after driving to my skating competition with the low October sun coming through the window and the leaves starting to turn, and it hit me right in the chest. My mom passed away in August years ago, and that first fall without Sunday dinners at her house is still in my body every October. This is also the season my friend is in right now with one kid in university and one in grade 12, feeling anxious and depressed at the same time and wondering what's wrong with her. Nothing is wrong with her. That's bittersweet, and you can learn to hold it.

    Key Takeaways:

    Bittersweet is one of the most painful emotions to resist because resisting it means resisting what's really happening.

    You are not wallowing. You're struggling with how to process an emotion nobody ever taught you to process.

    Distracting and grounding can look like the exact same activity. The intention is what makes it one or the other.

    Growing your capacity for emotion is not optional as you get older. Bigger life things show up, and you need to be able to hold them.

    Once you know how to let an emotion through, it's just reps. But learning the skill is hard to do alone.

    Emotional confidence around things ending is what lets you relax into a fall season knowing spring is coming.

    If this is landing for you, book a discovery call with me. Learning the difference between distracting and grounding, and feeling safe while an emotion is moving through you, is exactly what I teach, and it is so much easier with someone doing it alongside you.

    Links referenced in this episode:

    The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

    Book a free discovery call: amandahess.ca/bookacall
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    17 mins
  • 331. Your Sensitivity Means You're Cold-Blooded (And Why Your Environment Matters So Much)

    331. Your Sensitivity Means You're Cold-Blooded (And Why Your Environment Matters So Much)
    Sep 25 2026
    The main point: a lot of us are essentially “cold-blooded” — meaning neurodivergent, ADHD-leaning, or simply sensory-sensitive — and our capacity to function hinges on the micro-environmental inputs we can control, so the real leverage is finding and installing your own “warm rocks.” I say this as someone who’s both lived it and coaches people through it: treating this as a physiological truth (think autonomic nervous system reactivity, interoceptive sensitivity, and increased allostatic load) reframes failures of willpower into predictable consequences of mismatched context and depleted executive function. Practically, that looks like environmental scaffolding and co-regulation strategies — noise-cancelling headphones, private rooms, scheduled solo sabbaticals, coaching that actually speaks our language — which reduce cognitive load, stabilize arousal regulation, and free up prefrontal resources for creativity and problem-solving. We unpack why school and many workplaces are “warm-blooded systems” expecting self-regulation, why that mismatch produces chronic survival mode for cold-blooded folks, and how compassionate, tailored interventions (behavioral scaffolds, rhythm-based routines, and targeted supports) create reproducible capacity. I also argue that coach–client pairing matters: a warm-blooded coach pushing platitudes won’t help a cold-blooded person, whereas a coach versed in neurodiversity and sensory modulation can provision the right hot-rock architecture. So, here’s my ask in jargon and plain English: identify one or two warm rocks this week, implement them (external supports + boundary engineering), and test the hypothesis that your environment, not your moral failing, is the variable you can change to feel better and do more.Some of us are warm-blooded and some of us are cold-blooded, and if you're cold-blooded, your surroundings decide a lot more about how you function than you've been told.In this episode I talk about a conversation I had with my colleague and friend Elena that shifted something big for me. She shared the idea that people with ADHD are often "cold-blooded." Like a lizard, they don't regulate their own temperature, so their environment plays a huge role in how well they can think, create, cope, and feel okay. Warm-blooded people can move through a messy house, no sleep, a loud room, and a packed social event and still get on with their day. Cold-blooded people can't, and most of us were raised in a warm-blooded world that expected us to act warm-blooded anyway.I also share what this looked like for me at a recent international figure skating competition, why I couldn't create the way I wanted to while I was there, and the "warm rocks" I've learned to put in place for myself, like alone time as an introvert and being coached by people who understand how I tick. When you know you're cold-blooded, you can stop judging yourself for struggling and start giving yourself what you need.Key Takeaways:Cold-blooded people are deeply affected by their environment, and that's not something you choseMost sensitive people, neurodivergent people, and a lot of women are more cold-blooded than we realizePushing through a cold environment while pretending you're warm drains a huge amount of energyWarm rocks are the external supports that make the hard things easier: your space, your structure, your support, your alone timeLook at where you're struggling and ask what warm rock would make it simplerPick one or two warm rocks, put them in your week, and see what happensIf you want help figuring out where your warm rocks need to be and what they could look like, book a discovery call. We'll look at where you're struggling, what support you need in place, and how to structure it so it works for the way you're wired.You are not the only one. I promise you that.Links referenced in this episode:https://amandahess.ca/bookacallTakeaways:I reframed my struggles through an ADHD “cold-blooded” metaphor — using thermoregulatory language and autonomic nervous system concepts to explain how environmental affordances and sensory gating impact executive functioning and creative capacity, which gives me permission to stop pathologizing myself.We need to identify our “warm rocks” — concrete environmental and structural scaffolds that reduce allostatic load and optimize our cognitive bandwidth for sustained task performance.I noticed that trying to perform high-demand tasks in a cold environment depletes my capacity, so we prioritize situational modifications like solitude, noise-cancelling headphones, or scheduled coaching to enhance sustained attention and creative output.Because society expects warm-blooded norms, I argued for compassion and systemic accommodation: educational and workplace designs should integrate neurodiversity-informed ergonomics and predictable routines to prevent chronic regulatory overload.I confess I use coaching as a personal hot rock — it's...
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    21 mins
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