Toggling: How to Move Between Safety and Desire Without Shutting Down
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Toggling: How to Move Between Safety and Desire Without Shutting Down
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About this listen
Have you ever wanted closeness… but the moment things turned sexual, your body pulled back?
Or wanted desire… but suddenly felt overwhelmed, disconnected, or numb?
In this episode of Do You Feel That?, we introduce the concept of toggling — the ability to move back and forth between safety and stimulation, comfort and edge, without shutting down or pushing through discomfort.
Because great intimacy isn’t about staying turned on the whole time.
It’s about knowing when to lean in — and when to soften.
We explore:
- Why desire lives in the nervous system, not just the mind
- How too much safety can flatten desire — and too much intensity can overwhelm it
- Why pausing doesn’t kill the mood (and often creates more desire)
- What toggling looks like in real-life intimacy, not theory
- Common mistakes couples make when someone needs to slow down
- Language partners can use to pause without disconnecting
- A simple toggle practice you can try together this week
If you’ve ever felt like intimacy swings between “too much” and “not enough,” this episode will help you find the middle ground where connection and desire can coexist.
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