If you were emperor or empress for a day, and you were blessed with superhuman -- but benevolent -- powers, what would you do to eradicate loneliness?

In this, the final episode of "Is Anybody Out There?", listeners from around the United States and Europe shared their answers -- really big, bold ideas for instantly ridding the world of loneliness. These were a mix of magical, wistful, and even doable strategies, but all equally thought provoking and heartwarming in their ingenuity and scope. Most of all, it's clear that people are ready to talk about loneliness, openly and honestly, and to view it as a societal ill that needs to be addressed rather than an existential issue.

Which is why, hosts Judy and Jeremy argue, that instead of thinking of loneliness simply as an evolutionary, unavoidable experience, we must face the possibility that it's partly a modern phenomenon, born of an ever-increasing individualistic society and economic and social conditions. Now is time for policy makers, institutions and society at large to do something about it.

Links

Johann Hari

"Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions"

Dr. Sam Everington

Social Prescribing

Daily Haloha

Roland Griffiths, Johns Hopkins

Look Up Movement 2020

Medicare Costs for Treating Isolated Older Adults

Dr. Vivek Murthy

"Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World"

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Why is that some of the world's most bustling and densely-populated cities are often the loneliest? In "Community Architecture," hosts Jeremy and Judy explore this paradox and discover that metropolises around the world were rarely developed with the well being of its inhabitants in mind. Instead, they were mostly built to pack in as many residents as possible in order to grow into economic powerhouses. As a result, looming skyscrapers, a lack of public areas in which to congregate and connect, and a dearth of green spaces, have made our cities such lonely places. And, certainly, following our collective experience of lockdown in 2020, we know now how important connection is to our wellbeing.

Three young professionals in the field of community architecture -- an urban planner in Toronto, an urban architect in London, and an urban neuroscientist in Vancouver -- share their thoughts and ideas for designing healthier, more pro-social urban environments of the future.

Links

Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Lonely Cities Index

World Happiness Report

15-Minute Neighborhoods

Olympic Village, Vancouver

MAKE, London

Kinship in the City Report

Uncommon, UK

Happy City Consultancy, Vancouver

Davie Village, Vancouver

Superblocks, Barcelona

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Feeling lonely? Don't have anyone to go for a stroll with? Or, could you use a cuddle? A feel-good, platonic hug? Well, then a friend rental website or a cuddling service could be just the things you need. They could also be the very resources we need to help with loneliness, even if only temporarily.

But what's it like to spend an hour with someone you've paid to be in your company? Hosts, Jeremy and Judy, decided to find out first-hand when they booked a couple of services through Rent-a-Friend and the Cuddlist, respectively. Both companies seem to be mining the commercial potential of loneliness and claim to be growing in reach and popularity.

You'll meet Maggie, Jeremy's rented friend, and Melody, Judy's hired cuddler. And you'll also hear the hosts' honest assessments on what each of their transactions felt like. They will also ponder broader, societal implications of why in an age when dating apps help strangers meet for meaningless sex and websites secure spouses from all over the world, paying for platonic companionship sill comes with moral burdens.

Links

Noreena Hertz, A Lonely Century: How to Restore Human Connection in a World That's Pulling Apart

Rent-a-Friend

Cuddlist

Awakening the Hands

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After a year of social distancing and isolation, the power and value of our friendships has never been more appreciated. And what's really come into focus is that healthy social connections is one of the best antidotes to loneliness. However, there's a deeper, evolutionary reason behind this longing to see our friends in-person again: face-to-face interactions with a few dear pals actually produces a surge of good hormones that makes us feel happy and less lonely, while boosting our immune systems and staving off viruses and even mental decline.

Lydia Denworth, a science journalist and author of the book, "Friendship: The Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond," helps explain the science behind the life enhancing role of social connection. Sharing human stories and research findings, she brings to life the benefits of friendships. We learn, for instance, that the quality of a few meaningful relationships is more important when predicting mortality rates and happiness in old age than income, education or even cholesterol levels.

Ms. Denworth also reminds us that hanging out with friends should never be optional or something that's squeezed in between work and family obligations. Make socializing a priority, she advises, because when we get together with our close buddies, we're doing something fundamentally important -- something that's good for our health and for the health of our friends.

Links

Lydia Denworth

Friendship: the Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond.

University of Kansas research

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

Up Documentary Series

John Cacioppo

AARP survey on the cost of loneliness

Guest Info

Lydia Denworth is a science journalist and speaker. She is a contributing editor at Scientific American and the author of three books of popular science, including Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond. Adam Grant called Friendship one of the top 20 leadership books of 2020 and Booklist called it “the best of science writing.” Lydia’s work has also appeared in The Atlantic, the New York Times, Psychology Today and many other publications.

www.lydiadenworth.com

@LydiaDenworth.

(Photo credit: Jessica Barthel.)

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Are we in the midst of a loneliness epidemic? Well, it depends who you ask. This week's guest, Dr. Mark Epstein, a therapist in New York City and a practicing Buddhist, believes that loneliness is simply one of life's everyday traumas. A ubiquitous human condition that doesn't only visit the unlucky but almost everyone, much like sadness, fear and even death.

Dr. Epstein is also the author of a number of books that bridge Buddhist teachings with Western psychology. During his interview on this episode of "Is Anybody Out There?" he offers great insight into these two traditions, simultaneously quoting Donald Winnicott, a British child psychoanalyst, and the Buddha.

In dealing with everyday traumas such as loneliness, he guides us away from quick fixes and instead, offers an alternative of mindfulness and self-reflection that's grounded in Buddhism. Through anecdotes, Buddhist fables and personal practices, he informs us that meditation encourages us to sit with these uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions in order to understand our feelings of incompleteness and to find solutions to help us navigate a way out. And when we do, we might even emerge more enlightened. Meditation and mindfulness, he believes, are ways for us to unlock the transformational potential of trauma because a hidden kindness often gets woken that we can apply towards ourselves and others who might need help.

Links

Mark Epstein

Donald Winnicott

Dhammapada

Daniel Goleman

Joseph Goldstein

Jack Kornfield

Richard Alpert

Sharon Salzberg

Meditation and loneliness

Guest Notes

Mark Epstein MD is a psychiatrist and author of 8 books about the interface of Buddhism and psychotherapy, including Thoughts without a Thinker, Going to Pieces without Falling Apart, Psychotherapy without the Self, The Trauma of Everyday Life, Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself, and the forthcoming The Zen of Therapy: Uncovering a Hidden Kindness in Life to be published in January 2022 by Penguin Press. He is a graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Medical School.

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Some 12 million Americans over the age of 60 live alone. This doesn't mean they're all lonely, but loneliness is a massive issue for older adults, especially among those 80 and over. So, hosts Jeremy Warshaw and Judy D'Mello dig deep into one possible cause of this problem -- an issue that looms large in our society today: ageism.

Ageism, in terms of popular culture and attitudes, is rife in the West. Truthfully, it's a cultural scandal that often leads to seniors being marginalized and isolated, which, in turn, leads to loneliness. But thanks to the efforts of this episode's first guest, Katie Wade, who works for Covia, an organization that's dedicated to improving life for older adults, there are available programs for seniors to find connections and companionship. She believes strongly, and it’s backed up by research, that seniors need and benefit from being treated as active participants in close relationships. That in fact their brains are fully capable of creativity and conceptual thinking, and they are not just looking for caregiving support.

Additionally, we hear from two older women, who experience loneliness in different ways, about the value and impact these programs have on their lives. Meanwhile, Dr. Louise Hawkley, this week's final guest, who is a research scientist at the University of Chicago and a founding member of the International Loneliness and Isolation Research Network, offers unparalleled insight into loneliness and ageism, as well as resources that can help.

Links

Older adults living alone

Covia

Social Call

NORC

AARP

Connect2Affect

Little Brothers – Friends of the Elderly

Experience Corps

Guest Notes

Katie Wade, MEd, LPC, is passionate about ensuring we all have access to creative means of connecting with ourselves and others as we grow older. A constant thread in her work, since her very first internship, is our great need for meaningful social connection. After working as a mental health therapist with older adults in an inpatient setting, Katie maintained a private practice while providing social connection programming and other services to older adults and caregivers, and now nurtures and grows innovative creative aging programs. She is the director of Social Call, a social connection program for older adults.

Dr. Louise Hawkley is a research scientist at the National Opinion Research Center, affiliated with the University of Chicago. She is a co-investigator on the NIA-funded panel study, the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP), and the Principal Investigator of the NSHAP COVID supplemental study which began in September 2020. Her research contributions are predominantly in the area of perceived social isolation (loneliness) and health during aging. She is a founding member of the International Loneliness and Isolation Research Network (ILINK), and a member of the Scientific Advisory Committee for the Coalition to End Social Isolation & Loneliness.

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Did you know that 18 to 35-year-olds experience loneliness at higher rates than older adults? We didn't either until we came across a Cigna 2020 Loneliness survey, which reported that 61% of millennials and gen-Z-ers in America said they often felt lonely. And, that experiencing loneliness in one's 20s is near the top of the list of challenges for this age group.

This was a surprising discovery. But it's also relatively new information, so we knew that finding definitive answers to explain this trend would not be easy. Nonetheless, we wanted to know more, if only to enable young people to talk about their loneliness and provide them with the appropriate support.

Our three guests featured on this episode -- Emery Bergmann, a college student, Megan Bruneau, a therapist who specializes in working with millennials, and Dr. Melissa Hunt, a clinical psychologist and author of "No More FOMO: Limiting Social Media Decreases Loneliness and Depression" -- offer great insights and practical advice for young people who might be experiencing loneliness.

Some of the topics discussed:

• Navigating life's difficult transitions, like going away to college.
• Dealing with self-worth issues during periods of social disconnection.
• Loneliness is a human condition and nobody's fault.
• Childhood traumas, like bullying, can lead to loneliness in young adults.
• Working with a therapist and creating a safe space for discussion.
• The physical and psychological effects of loneliness.
• Friendships in a hyper-connected world.
• Social media.

Links

Cigna 2020 Loneliness Survey

Emery Bergmann Video

Emery Bergmann New York Times

Johann Hari

No More FOMO: Limiting Social Media Decreases Loneliness and Depression

iPhone Battery Usage

"A Biography of Loneliness"

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