This episode is for parents who can’t relax.

If you’ve ever felt like you couldn’t turn your head for even a second without something going wrong, this chapter will feel familiar.

I talk about raising my autistic son during a season of constant movement and elopement. The fear underneath the running. The hypervigilance nobody took seriously. And what it does to your body when you’re always in protection mode.

This isn’t a how-to episode. It’s a lived experience.
For parents raising autistic or special needs children who feel like they’re always watching, always alert, and always tired.

This episode is the first chapter of my memoir, told out loud.

When my kids came back to live with me, my son Ste’ce was six, in pull-ups, nonverbal, and already diagnosed with autism and an intellectual disability. I didn’t understand what that meant yet. Not because nobody told me, but because I was overwhelmed, surviving, and didn’t have the language for what was happening in my own body.

In this episode, I talk about those early months. The accidents. The school calls. The memories that wouldn’t stop replaying. The shame I didn’t know how to name. And the moment I realized we were already playing catch-up without a map.

This isn’t advice or research. It’s lived experience.
If you’ve ever looked back and wondered what you missed while you were just trying to survive, this chapter is for you.

Repetitive behaviors like throwing aren’t always random or defiant. Sometimes they serve a purpose, especially during moments that require focus or regulation. In this episode, I talk through why simply stopping a behavior can increase stress, how replacement behaviors can support safety and regulation, and what questions parents can bring to their BCBA or therapist to better understand the “why” behind what they’re seeing.

This is a real talk reflection grounded in lived experience, RBT work, and research that supports harm reduction, communication, and nervous system regulation. Because safety and regulation can coexist.

References mentioned:

SPARK for Autism. Repetitive behaviors in autism and their role in regulation
Autism Internet Modules. Differential reinforcement and alternative behaviors
Links ABA. Teaching functional replacement behaviors
ERIC. Differential reinforcement and behavior support research