The one where we stop pretending everything’s fine just to keep the peace.

In this episode, I sit down with Kam Bassier (from Episode 136: “You’re Not Lazy, You’re Burnt Out”) to talk about a tension so many BIPOC adults are carrying right now:

Why are we — the kids of immigrant parents, BIPOC millennials and Gen Z — having conversations our families never could?
Why does naming pain feel like betrayal?
And what does breaking cycles actually look like in real life?

We talk about harmony culture in collectivist and immigrant families — where keeping the peace wasn’t about comfort, it was about survival and appearances. But when harmony is prioritized over accountability, the emotional weight doesn’t disappear. It gets stored in our bodies and shows up later as burnout, people-pleasing, numbing, substance use, overworking, resentment, and silence in our marriages and parenting.

This conversation isn’t about tearing our parents down.
It’s about understanding what they couldn’t take responsibility for — so we don’t keep carrying it, and so we don’t pass it on to our kids.

What we get into:

Gratitude and grief can coexist — you can honor the sacrifices and name the emotional gaps

Why “they did their best” often shuts down real healing

How choosing peace over accountability trains us to minimize ourselves

Why inner-child work isn’t cute — it’s necessary

Rest, boundaries, and feeling all emotions (not just “happy”) as acts of resistance

A raw moment about quitting weed — not because it’s bad, but because numbing became easier than feeling

Not everyone in your family will be ready for this work — and that’s okay. You don’t need permission to heal. The work may feel lonely, but it’s how cycles end and new ones begin.

One thing to take away:
You can love your family deeply and still choose healing over fake harmony.
The next generation is watching what we do with what we were handed.

Instagram: kambassier

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If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Taken from South Korea as a baby, removed from his culture, and told it’s for a “better life” that he "wasn't wanted". This is the reality behind many international adoptions.

In this episode, I speak with Moses, a therapist, advocate, and human being whose lived experience gives him a unique perspective on how 'adoption' functions as an industry of child trafficking. Through his work, he challenges the narratives that frame removal as rescue, and exposes how children are commodified, displaced, and erased for profit.

We explore commodification: turning human beings, culture, and lived experience into something that can be bought, sold, or managed, stripping away history and rights.

We also confront a common question: Isn’t it better to give an unwanted child a “good North American life”? Moses explains why this belief is a false narrative that assumes Western life is superior, erases the abuse many children experience, and leaves some struggling with trauma so severe that many have taken their own lives.

This episode challenges the fantasy, the brainwashing, and the language that normalizes global-scale harm, asking listeners to see 'adoption' for what it often is: a system that commodifies children and erases their histories.

Instagram: mosesafarrow

societyforadoptiontruth.org

thetruthguide.com

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

I came across Shawn Ahmed’s work the way so many of us do now — through a moment of laughter that quietly turned into curiosity. What followed was a conversation that went far deeper than comedy.

Shawn is a South Asian Canadian actor with an impressive body of work across television, film, and comedy — and in this episode, we talk about what lives beneath the credits. Growing up in that in-between space — being Canadian while being raised by immigrant parents — and how that lived experience shapes creativity, confidence, and the risks we take.

We explore what it means to choose a path that isn’t considered “safe,” how family support shows up in subtle ways, and what early auditions teach you about how the world sees you before you even speak. We also get into the tension many South Asian artists face: wanting the freedom to play roles not defined by race, while knowing that representation still matters — especially for the kids watching from the sidelines, wondering what’s possible for them.

This conversation isn’t about arriving at neat answers. It’s about staying in relationship with yourself, trusting your voice, and giving yourself permission to want more — even when it doesn’t match the script you were handed.

If you’ve ever felt caught between worlds, expectations, or versions of yourself — this one will land.

Instagram: iamshawnahmed

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

We’ve all been in rooms where the energy doesn’t match the claim of being a safe space - overthinking, comparing, and surface-level talk are what tends to go down instead. I sat down with Arunie, Psychologist with PCHS Calgary and co-host of Brown Girl Problems, for a conversation that goes beyond surface-level chats. Arunie highlights the truth behind the pressure to turn trauma into currency, and what it takes to build connection and support beyond the surface. We explore what brown women are tired of carrying, what we’re quietly unlearning together, and how to show up for each other - listening deeply, celebrating honestly, and supporting without competing, comparing, or explaining ourselves. Arunie 's MFU is a CTA in how we are showing up as a community.

Instagram: browngirlproblems.podcast

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Reshma Kearney returns to Middle Fingers Up following Episode 128, where she first shared her experience of losing her husband to suicide and raising three children through grief. In this conversation, we go deeper — into what grief looks like over time, how it lives in the body, and how it quietly shapes our mental health, parenting, and sense of self.

We talk about grief as an ongoing relationship rather than something to “get over,” how Reshma’s trauma-informed yoga and mindfulness work has evolved, and what she’s learning as a mother raising one son and two daughters through loss. We explore gendered grief, breaking South Asian cultural silence, emotional safety for boys, and what it means to raise the next generation with more permission to feel.

This episode is about breath, stillness, boundaries, and the courage to protect your peace — especially during transitions and the holidays. It’s about what grief takes, what it gives, and what we carry forward.

Because grief isn’t linear — and healing doesn’t mean forgetting.

Find Reshma on Instagram reshmakearney for more on her work and family updates.

Short, practical reminder: grief is about what we carry forward as much as what we’ve lost.

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode of Middle Fingers Up, we sit down with Rahell, a 23-year-old mixed-race individual navigating identity, privilege, and growth.

Rahell shares his experience as a “passing white kid” unpacking whiteness — what it meant to belong in some spaces, and what it cost in others. He talks about how hip-hop shaped his understanding of culture, power, and resistance, and the ongoing work of unlearning misogyny with honesty and accountability.

From childhood experiences in hockey and school that exposed racial divides, to reflections on survival, community-building, and responsibility in anti-racism work, this conversation explores the in-between spaces many mixed-race people live in.

As Rahell says, “We are not math problems.” Identity isn’t something to calculate or explain away — it’s something lived. He challenges listeners to move beyond surface-level allyship and ask, “What do I actually want from societal change?”

And for anyone listening who considers themselves aware, supportive, or “one of the good ones,” this episode quietly asks:

If the people most impacted by your actions feel dismissed, exhausted, or blamed — is it possible your intention to help is getting in the way of your ability to listen?

Whether you’re mixed-race, raising mixed kids, or reflecting on your own identity and blind spots, this episode offers an honest dialogue on healing and what it means to show up with integrity.

New episodes drop regularly—subscribe now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite platform!

Instagram: rahell_theg.o.a.t23

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode of Middle Fingers Up, I sit down with Nisha Mody, the relational and trauma-informed coach known online as Healing Hype Girl. Nisha shares her raw journey from a childhood marked by strict expectations and silenced playfulness to navigating codependency in a marriage to an addict, ultimately choosing divorce, childfree living, and reclaiming her voice. Together, we get into the common struggles of South Asian women—living on autopilot, breaking harmful cycles from family conditioning, and creating new norms rooted in self-worth, boundaries, and joy.

Nisha offers practical insights on unlearning people-pleasing, identifying core values, and fostering interdependence in relationships, while touching on broader themes like global impact post-October 7th, consumerism, and collective healing. Whether you're an overthinker seeking clarity or ready to disrupt patriarchal patterns, Nisha's story and tools will inspire you to meet yourself where you're at and embrace radical self-expression.

Tune in for reflections, actionable advice, and a teaser for part two on patriarchy, misogyny, and modern dating. Follow Nisha on Instagram and TikTok @healinghypegirl for more on her upcoming memoir, coaching programs, and Substack Memoirs of Amnesia. What cycles are you ready to break?

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Be A Tiger is an episode about what it really means to grow up as a South Asian girl who’s told to be strong… while also being told to stay quiet, stay small, and don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

In this conversation with award-winning author Kelly Kaur, we step into the world of Letters to Singapore through Simran — this young brown girl who is trying to hold herself together as an immigrant student from Singapore to Calgary in the 80's. As if the adjustment as a new comer isn't enough, Simran is also juggling carrying family expectations, culture, patriarchy, and a kind of freedom she wasn’t prepared for.

We talk about that early line her father gives her — “Be a tiger” — and how that message changes as we grow up. What it means to be a tiger as a girl, what it means as a woman, and what it means when you finally start choosing yourself.

And we go into the things we all know but rarely say out loud:
• What it meant in the ’80s to “stand out in front of white people” — and the survival skills coded into that
• What happens when you suddenly have freedom after being raised with none
• How our older women — who were once the bullied ones — can become the gatekeepers
• How patriarchy follows us from our parents’ homes straight into our marriages
• And what today’s immigrant students are actually facing — the racism, the headlines, the sound bites that blame them for everything while erasing the systems exploiting them

This episode is for every woman who grew up in-between… shapeshifting,
for the ones who learned to roar quietly…
and the ones who are setting the example to roar out loud. This episode is also for the brave man who wants to address his misogyny and set an example for the next generation. (We know you are out there )

Follow Kelly on Instagram: @kellykaur3

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" - It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted! Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to info@mfupodcast.com. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.