In this episode, Brooke shares a marriage webinar she taught a few years ago—packed with practical tools for strengthening connection, especially in the “kids are grown” season when the marriage dynamic often shifts. Brooke explains how you can change the feel of your marriage without waiting for your spouse to “try harder,” by focusing on what you can control: your thoughts, your emotions, and your choices.

Quick note: Brooke teaches in the first person for relatability, but many examples are composites from clients, conversations, and some personal experiences—meant to highlight the principles, not “tell on” her sweet husband.

• When kids leave, the couple relationship becomes more central again
• Old routines and “roles” get exposed (and sometimes feel awkward)
• Small patterns can create distance—or rebuild closeness

Brooke invites you to observe the everyday routines that shape the relationship, like:

• Morning connection (or no connection)
• How you greet each other when someone comes home
• Communication habits: texts, calls, check-ins
• Holidays, birthdays, and planning styles
• Dinner timing, decompression needs, and family rhythms
• Date night decision-making

Key idea: If you don’t like the dynamic, you can experiment with changing it—on purpose.

Brooke teaches a simple framework (from Brooke Castillo/Life Coach School) to create awareness and change:

• Circumstance (neutral facts)
• Thought (your interpretation)
• Feeling (emotion created by your thought)
• Action/Inaction (how you show up externally + internally)
• Result (what you create—often proving the thought)

Big takeaway: Your marriage experience is shaped more by the meaning you assign than the facts themselves.

Brooke walks through examples like:

• Husband sighs about hosting family dinner
• Husband comes home and goes straight to his office
• Husband says he’ll be home at 5 and arrives at 6

She shows how painful interpretations often create distance (resentment, coldness, shutdown)… and how alternative thoughts create options (curiosity, compassion, backup plans, calmer connection).

Helpful replacement thoughts from the episode:

• “He has a lot on his plate right now.”
• “I can be a soft place to land.”
• “This isn’t about me.”

Brooke teaches how intentionally focusing on what you appreciate changes you and shifts the emotional climate of the relationship. She models this by sharing a list of specific things she loves about Tom (voice, integrity, thoughtfulness, rhythm, etc.).

Key idea: What you repeatedly focus on becomes your lived experience.

Brooke teaches the difference between:

• Acceptance for the “small stuff” (adding: “and that’s okay”)
• Boundaries for what is not okay

Boundary definition (as taught): A boundary is about what you will do—not what you’ll force another adult to do.

Example structure: “If you do ___, I will ___.”

She emphasizes follow-through matters.

• Pick one marriage dynamic to adjust this week (a greeting, a check-in, a new...

Most of the things we regret saying or doing didn’t come from who we want to be—they came from discomfort we didn’t pause long enough to regulate.

In this practical and deeply relatable episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki introduces a simple but powerful emotional skill she calls The Power of Pause. Through everyday examples—missing razors, sticky cereal bowls, and family dynamics—Brooke shows how pausing before reacting gives your nervous system time to calm and your wiser self time to lead.

This episode is an invitation to stop reacting from irritation, urgency, or hurt—and instead choose responses that align with your values, your faith, and the kind of person you want to be.

1. What “the power of pause” really is and why it works
2. How small moments of discomfort often trigger outsized reactions
3. Why pausing saves emotional, physical, and relational energy
4. How overreacting creates shame cycles—and how pausing prevents them
5. Why practicing pause with small things builds strength for bigger ones
6. How the pause helps you embody patience, kindness, and compassion
7. What it looks like to respond from alignment instead of impulse

Brooke also connects the power of pause to Christlike behavior—highlighting how Jesus modeled pause through silence, solitude, and restraint.

Instead of thinking:

1. “I’m impulsive.”
2. “I always say the wrong thing.”

Try practicing:

1. “I’m a person who pauses.”
2. “I’m learning to respond instead of react.”

Small identity shifts create powerful long-term change.

Brooke explains the concept of the zone of resilience—the emotional space where you’re calm, open, and grounded—and how pausing helps you return to that space instead of spiraling into fight, flight, or shutdown.

The pause isn’t about suppressing emotions.

It’s about giving your body and brain time to settle so you can choose wisely.

1. Where do I tend to react instead of pause?
2. What discomfort am I trying to escape when I react quickly?
3. How would my relationships change if I paused more often?
4. What would it look like to identify as someone who pauses?

Brooke references a free video called:

“How to Bring Your Emotions Down So You Don’t Overreact”

Click Here for the Free Resources page

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January often arrives with pressure—to reset, improve, fix, and do better. But what if this year, you entered January differently?

In this reflective episode of Midlife with Brooke, Brooke Oniki invites you to slow down and reconsider how you think about growth, New Year’s resolutions, and personal change. Instead of asking “What do I need to fix?”, Brooke offers a gentler, more grounded question: “How have I already changed?”

Drawing from personal holiday experiences, meaningful family moments, and faith-filled reflection, Brooke encourages midlife women to honor the emotional, physical, and spiritual effort they’ve already made—especially during December—and to begin January with compassion rather than urgency.

This episode is a permission slip to rest, integrate, and recognize the quiet growth already happening in your life.

1. Why setting the same goals every year doesn’t mean you’re failing
2. How growth happens quietly—in conversations, pauses, and repair
3. A powerful example of emotional repair with one of Brooke’s daughters
4. Why honoring December’s effort matters before asking more of yourself
5. How to tell the difference between being “behind” and being tired
6. The five pillars of nervous system regulation and why they matter in January
7. A faith-centered reframe on slowing down instead of pushing harder
8. Why you don’t need to become a new version of yourself—just notice who you’re already becoming

1. Where have I already grown this past year, even if it wasn’t visible?
2. What effort did December require of me that deserves acknowledgment?
3. What pace feels supportive for me right now?
4. What might it look like to rest, not quit—just integrate?

If allowing emotions feels difficult, Brooke references a previous episode that may be especially helpful:

Allowing Is the Goal: The Most Underrated Emotional Skill

Listen here:

https://brookeoniki.com/captivate-podcast/allowing-is-the-goal-the-most-underrated-emotional-skill/

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