When Hilary was in her 20’s, she was definitely not thriving financially. She was advising multi million dollar clients by day and coming home to a stack of bills she wouldn’t open because she couldn’t pay them.

She was a massive overspender. Hilary was earning 6 figures and spending 6 and a half. She realized she had to repair her relationship with money and wealth.

This was a very emotional time for Hilary. Looking at the numbers and realizing how in debt she was made her feel like a piece of crap. She was lucky enough to go to a great school and smart enough to graduate with honors.

Hilary was determined to figure out how she got so deep in debt. She started reading everything she could on the psychology of money.

Her mother was a budgeter and saver and Hilary was ashamed with the amount of money she could spend on birthday presents for friends. Hilary wanted a pair of Nikes like the other girls on her basketball team but had to get her shoes from Payless.

Hilary felt like there was never enough money for the things she wanted in life. That became her money operating system. It’s a very common money operating system. And there are many others also.

Through the divorce of her parents and her father not wanting to pay her mother, Hilary came to realize that money  is power. So operating with the thoughts ‘there’s never enough money’ and ‘money is power’, Hilary would spend and buy to try to show she was successful, even though she had no money in her bank account.

Luckily, she was able to unravel those behaviors and make a change in her own life. This made Hilary want to teach her framework to others, especially women. Also by doing this, her business took off.

So many entrepreneurs limit money in their life with their thoughts. Even though Hilary has a very traditional background as far as her training, until she changed her mindset, she would spend money as soon as it was in her back account.

For Hilary to make a change, she started doing the opposite of what she had been doing. Where she had hidden her money troubles before, she became super transparent about them. And she also, just wouldn’t do things where she would be spending money. It was super tight and painful for several years.

After Hilary had her condo foreclosed, she turned in her leased BMW and paid off her negotiated credit card debt, she then began rebuilding. She didn’t buy a coffee for 2 years. After she fixed the problem, she has now built up enough wealth to be financially independent. And that’s definitely thriving financially. 

In addition to the traditional financial advising, Hilary has Ignite Investing for people who are just getting started in investing. This program makes financial advice accessible. She also has a coaching program, that teaches exactly what she did to get out of debt and build wealth.

Hilary shares her 7 Steps To Wealth with us. 

1 - Decide. Involve your mindset and how you see your future.

2 - Speak. Look at all your scripts about money. Journal. Write down all the things you think and say about money.

3 - Plan. Most people don’t have a plan. She teaches a multiple account system, not budgeting.

4 - Earn. Raise the ceiling.

5 - Ask. She has a No Challenge. Make so many big requests, your goal is 100 no’s. If you get to 100 no’s, you’ll have so many yeses, you’ll have a different life. People are afraid to ask.

6 - Invest. Compound your wealth.

7 - Protect. Protect your wealth with wise decisions and your identity from theft.

A lot of people, especially women, have this idea that money is a zero sum game, Hilary tells us. Just enough is enough. She wants us to know there is an abundance of money, you can be rich and everyone else can too.

Hilary works with a lot of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s and doesn’t know many that work past 70. You need a stash of money to support your...

In this part two episode, we discuss money practices and money maps. We jump right in to the practical and discuss money dates. For example, mixing in candles and chocolate, music of any kind, whatever will be supportive for you sitting down and taking a look at your money. Whether it’s 5 minutes or 15 minutes, every few days or at least once a week, it’s important to start.

Ask yourself, “What is one step you can take around money today?” It may be just looking at your bank balance. However, you may discover fraud like Bari did and catching it early is important.

Bari shares how just like a daily hike a true money practice is ongoing and consistent. It may be difficult at first and some might want to just get it over with. Start with a little at a time and let it become more often and longer.

There’s a big difference between the way people handle their money and that’s okay. Bari and her husband were supportive of each other but they also were competitive. It was 7 years before they completely combined their accounts.

People spend differently and the main thing is to have a conversation about it. The values for each person are a part of the way they spend and important to be considered.

With couples, Bari recommends starting with story time first. Step one - 30 minutes, 15 minutes each, money healing work, share stories good and bad about what happened in your childhood.

Next you’ll move into values, then who’s on what and lastly, goals and dreams and getting on the same team. It’s so important to do all of this with compassion. 

Values based bookkeeping is so important with the renaming of the different categories. It’s all about where you’re spending your money and where you’re giving your time and attention.

Even just renaming your rent by calling it home or sanctuary or love shack can make a difference. Sometimes this makes people realize where they’re living doesn’t feel good and they decide to do something about that.

By taking a deeper look at your numbers, you can see if your values are reflected in them. If not, then you can make changes so you’re actually living your life in alignment with your values. 

Bari renamed budgets to money maps. The first step is to sit down and create a 3 tier map of the categories and actual numbers. The first tier is basic needs, the second tier is comfortable and lastly, the third tier is ultimate. These will change throughout the years.

On a monthly basis, you need to review the numbers and your intentions. At different phases in life you have to be more rigid than at other times.

Money healing, money practices and money maps all intertwine together. All three phases are the foundation. 

Bari shares about how money legacy for her is past, present and future. She talks about all she learned from her father and all that she had to learn too. She was able to heal before he passed. She talks all the time with her mother and her son about money.

Bari said, “Legacy for all of us, is honoring where we come from, the beauty, the pain, what needs forgiveness. And it really asks us, ‘What do we want to pass on?’”

Bari’s definition of success is having a full life in family, in work, in health and in giving to the larger community. 

The best financial advice Bari was given was learning the body check in. It’s the best life advice. Learn how to listen to your sensations, to your body, learn how to sit and be and feel and understand. Bring it to your relationship to money as well. 

Bari Tessler’s website - 

www.baritessler.com

On her website Bari offers a free 7 day mini course and also a year long evergreen program.

Bari’s Instagram -

www.instagram.com/baritessler/

This week on the Money Made Easy Podcast we have on Bari Tessler, author of the book, “The Art of Money”. We get to find out all about how she went from wanting to be a solid gold dancer to becoming a financial therapist.

Bari started therapy when she was 16 but other than going from wanting to be a dancer to a business woman and being interested in psychology, she started undergrad not really knowing what she wanted to be and do.

While spending a year in Israel, she put dance and psychology together and she briefly thought she made up Dance Movement Therapy. She went to graduate school for somatic psychotherapy.

At the age of 28, her student loan came through and that was a real wake up call. At the time she was making $11 an hour in the mental health field with a masters degree in psychology.

She realized in graduate school, money was never discussed. Nothing was said about how to get clients and run a business. And she also realized money wasn’t the issue, it was not being able to have conversations about money.

She considered running away, but instead decided she would face her student debt by learning everything she could learn about money. She started by learning bookkeeping and starting a bookkeeping business.

Growing up in a middle class family, she received mixed messages about money. There was a spirit of generosity and there was a lot of control around money.

We talk about money stories we get from our family - good and bad. Tetia shares about how her father getting gas for her taught her how to receive. 

Now Bari is 20 years in to starting her practice of financial therapy. And she is still learning new things and she still has emotions around money.

It’s important to Bari that financial literacy and emotional literacy have to be together. There are lots of ways and she thinks it’s important to get creative and find what works for you.

In "The Art of Money", Bari writes about how there are 3 phases - Money Healing, Money Practices and Money Maps. She credits her somatic psychotherapy tools for getting her through her money issues and on to what she’s doing now.

One of the people Bari was doing bookkeeping for encouraged Bari to do a speech about combining her healing and practical aspects of how she handled money. This is what led to the work and the book for Bari.

The way Bari addresses shame around money and healing around that and other emotions is so important. She talks about how most of us didn’t receive any type of education around money. 

One of Bari’s favorite tools she shares in "The Art of Money" is the body check in. Simply stopping for 5 seconds, 30 seconds, a minute, and just checking in with your body on a physical level. Are you standing or sitting? Are your shoulders up?    

The next level is on a sensation level. What sensations are moving or still in your body? The next level is emotions or feelings. What emotions are you feeling around money?

The fourth level is what is going on with your breath? Is it more in your chest or lower? Is it shallow or full? And what adjustments can you make?

This is not a one and done check in. It’s to be done repeatedly - when you’re paying your bills, talking with your partner, shopping, buying a car. This leads to understanding about what comes up for you.

Bari shares how these check ins can lead to understanding and shifts and changes in money patterns. It can help create a relationship with money that is right and feels better and more successful.

After the body check in you go into the practical. The gentleness and the compassionate. Instead of “I’m stupid” or “I should know this” you should try, “None of us learned this” and “I can learn this”. 

Knowing your values and what’s important to you is so important. Bari talks about how much more prepared you are when you’ve done this work.

We love how in the book...