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My Last Relapse: Life in Recovery After Addiction

My Last Relapse: Life in Recovery After Addiction

Written by: Matthew Handy
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About this listen

 My Last Relapse is the recovery podcast that says out loud what you’ve been secretly thinking about addiction, relapse, and recovery.

Matthew Handy—who lived through two decades of drug use—cuts through the lies and fear-mongering that dominate traditional recovery programs.

This isn’t about war stories or your worst relapse moments. It’s about the future—your future—without rigid rules, unrealistic expectations, or being told you don’t belong.

This is real conversations about relapse, addiction, treatment, rehab, recovery programs, meetings, self-help, and the stigma that keeps people stuck. For anyone who feels burned out, left out, or cast out by traditional approaches, Matt and his guests offer radical honesty, practical insights, and a new way forward.

Whether you’re battling substance use, struggling with sobriety, navigating withdrawal, dealing with cravings, or just tired of going through the motions, My Last Relapse is here to remind you:

You’re in recovery when YOU say you are.

For individuals, families, friends, and professionals who are done with the lies and ready for a future without using, this is your space.

Today, Matt is one of the founders of Harmony Grove Behavioral Health in Houston, Texas, created with his brothers after living the struggles of addiction and recovery firsthand. Their shared journey shaped who they are and inspired the creation of Harmony Grove, a place where authenticity and clinical excellence guide every step of the process.

Together, they’ve built a program that feels real, meets people where they are, and provides tools for lasting success.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling, you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and help is always available. If you or anyone you know needs help, give us a call 24 hours a day at 844-430-3060.2025 Hygiene & Healthy Living Physical Illness & Disease Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Life After Bipolar & Depression, Getting Locked in a Rubber Room, Quitting Alcohol and Picking Up Crack

    Life After Bipolar & Depression, Getting Locked in a Rubber Room, Quitting Alcohol and Picking Up Crack
    Jan 7 2026
    Doug experienced abuse in early childhood, and at age 12 when his father left, he spiraled into severe depression, suicidality, and repeated psychiatric hospitalizations. As a teenager, he discovered alcohol and used it to manage his symptoms while earning a master’s degree in social work and working at a suicide hotline, even as hospitalizations and heavy drinking continued.In his mid-30s, after a suicide attempt and abruptly quitting alcohol, Doug was introduced to crack cocaine, triggering years of intense addiction, medical crises, psychiatric admissions, and failed treatment attempts. During this period, he lost his marriage, access to his child, and his freedom, eventually serving nearly six years in Texas prison for robbery-related charges.While incarcerated, Doug found purpose in peer leadership, serving as a sexual-assault-prevention educator, 12-step sponsor, and chapel volunteer. After his release, he experienced relapses but reframed them as part of recovery rather than failure, rebuilding his life, his mental health, and his relationship with his daughters through honesty and accountability.Doug later remarried, adopted his stepdaughter, and built a career training peer specialists and advising states on mental-health, recovery, and justice-system reform. He authored The Path of Rocks and Thorns, blending his personal story with leadership and recovery insights, and continues to speak, train, and return to prisons as a free man to help others find a path forward.GUESTDoug SmithDouglas Smith, MSSW, is a leadership development trainer, certified trauma‑informed coach, and author of The Path of Rocks and Thorns: Leadership Lessons from a Prison Cell. He has over a decade of experience in mental health and justice policy, including roles at the Texas House of Representatives, the Texas Center for Justice and Equity, and as an adjunct professor at the University of Texas at Austin. Doug’s trauma‑informed leadership work is shaped by his master’s in social work, professional coaching training, and his own lived experience with mental illness, addiction, and incarceration.Learn more about Doug’s Book, The Path of Rocks and ThornsConnect with Doug Smith on LinkedInLearn more about D-Degree Coaching & TrainingMatt Handy is the founder of Harmony Grove Behavioral Health in Houston, Texas, where their mission is to provide compassionate, evidence-based care for anyone facing addiction, mental health challenges, and co-occurring disorders.Find out more at harmonygrovebh.com If you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling, you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and help is always available. If you or anyone you know needs help, give us a call 24 hours a day at 844-430-3060.My Last Relapse explores what everyone is thinking but no one is saying about addiction and recovery through conversations with those whose lives have changed.For anyone disillusioned with traditional recovery and feeling left out, misunderstood, or weighed down by unrealistic expectations, this podcast looks ahead—rejecting the lies and dogma that keep people from imagining life without using.Got a question for us? Leave us a message or voicemail at mylastrelapse.comFind us on YouTube @MyLastRelapse and follow Matt on Instagram @matthew.handy.17Host: Matthew HandyProducer: Eva SheieAssistant Producers: Mary Ellen Clarkson & Hannah BurkhartEngineering: Chris MannTheme music: Survive The Tide, Machina AeonCover Art: DMARKMy Last Relapse is a production of Kind Creative: kindcreative.com
    Show More Show Less
    2 hrs and 12 mins
  • Life After Being an Ecstasy “Connoisseur” & MDMA-Fueled Raver, and the K-Hole That Scared Me Straight

    Life After Being an Ecstasy “Connoisseur” & MDMA-Fueled Raver, and the K-Hole That Scared Me Straight
    Dec 30 2025
    Born in Italy to Russian parents, Dan came to the U.S. as a baby and grew up in a highly driven immigrant community near Princeton, New Jersey. An only child, he was pushed hard to be successful in academics and athletics, with video games becoming an early escape. As a teenager, he turned to marijuana and alcohol, escalating after his mother passed away during his senior year. He headed to college in 2013, where he bounced between fraternities for drug- and alcohol-related issues while throwing himself into lifting and bodybuilding. At a rave, he was introduced to MDMA, soon followed by cocaine, ketamine, and psychedelics. Despite the severe anxiety waves and emotional volatility that followed, he completed a mechanical engineering degree, stayed for a master’s in financial engineering, and moved to New York to work on Wall Street.There he tried to balance long finance hours with heavy drinking, cocaine use, compulsive dating, and intense strength training. As he dove deeper into raves and festivals, he began to refer to himself as an ecstasy “connoisseur.” In 2022, he relocated to Los Angeles for a new job, still using while adding jiu jitsu, running, and competitive bodybuilding. A frightening ketamine episode, a collapsed relationship, and months of white-knuckle abstinence pushed him toward change. Inspired by discipline-focused figures online, in 2024 he found a sponsor in Studio City and began working the 12 steps. After a relapse on MDMA in May 2024, he restarted his sobriety on May 21 and returned to the steps with urgency. He left banking for full-time personal training, completed a full inventory with a new sponsor, and eventually began sponsoring others.In May 2025, he stepped back on the bodybuilding stage sober—this time pairing competition with a life grounded in discipline, service, and the steps.GUESTDan VaysburdDan is a Certified Personal Trainer (NASM) and Nutrition Coach (Precision Nutrition). His strength-based system helps clients achieve success without intense workouts, extreme diets, and expensive supplements. He offers online coaching to anyone worldwide through phone and video conference.Learn more about personal trainer and nutrition coach Dan VaysburdFollow Dan on Instagram @dan.vaysburdMatt Handy is the founder of Harmony Grove Behavioral Health in Houston, Texas, where their mission is to provide compassionate, evidence-based care for anyone facing addiction, mental health challenges, and co-occurring disorders.Find out more at harmonygrovebh.com If you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling, you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and help is always available. If you or anyone you know needs help, give us a call 24 hours a day at 844-430-3060.My Last Relapse explores what everyone is thinking but no one is saying about addiction and recovery through conversations with those whose lives have changed.For anyone disillusioned with traditional recovery and feeling left out, misunderstood, or weighed down by unrealistic expectations, this podcast looks ahead—rejecting the lies and dogma that keep people from imagining life without using.Got a question for us? Leave us a message or voicemail at mylastrelapse.comFind us on YouTube @MyLastRelapse and follow Matt on Instagram @matthew.handy.17Host: Matthew HandyProducer: Eva SheieAssistant Producers: Mary Ellen Clarkson & Hannah BurkhartEngineering: Chris MannTheme music: Survive The Tide, Machina AeonCover Art: DMARKMy Last Relapse is a production of Kind Creative: kindcreative.com
    Show More Show Less
    2 hrs and 20 mins
  • Life After Splitting a Cop’s Head Open and Getting Dumped in a Desert Wilderness Camp at 15

    Life After Splitting a Cop’s Head Open and Getting Dumped in a Desert Wilderness Camp at 15
    Dec 23 2025
    Seeing him on this podcast for the first time in 13 years, Matt admits to his old friend Austin York that he robbed him during the chaos of their using days in Southern California.

    Like Matt, Austin got into trouble very young, fighting in school and using drugs at a young age. His parents sent him away several times to try to get him back on track. He bounced around multiple high schools but never graduated, spending most of his teen years in juvenile rehabs like Phoenix House in San Diego and a wilderness camp in Idaho.

    He was arrested multiple times, including once for battery on a peace officer, which led to alternative sentencing at a wilderness camp. He spent time in solitary confinement in a Utah treatment facility before being sent home when insurance stopped paying.

    At 16, Austin got sober for the first time and built a strong sober community through Young People’s AA, but then at 18 he relapsed, got fired from his job and lost his chance to graduate high school.
    After living on the streets and facing violence, he reconciled with sober friends who brought him back to meetings to rebuild his life.

    In sobriety, he found purpose working in event production for major music festivals like Coachella and Lightning in a Bottle. Today, Austin stays active in recovery and focuses on his business, family, and community, crediting the support and accountability of his sober network for helping him stay on track.

    GUEST

    Austin York
    Freelance Project & Site Manager for Live Events

    Austin York rebuilt his life after years of addiction, homelessness, and time in juvenile rehab and prison. Today, he works in event production for major music festivals and runs a fishing charter business in Texas with his friend. Austin is dedicated to recovery, family, and helping others find hope and stability after hardship.

    Connect with Austin on LinkedIn

    Matt Handy is the founder of Harmony Grove Behavioral Health in Houston, Texas, where their mission is to provide compassionate, evidence-based care for anyone facing addiction, mental health challenges, and co-occurring disorders.

    Find out more at harmonygrovebh.com

    If you’re feeling overwhelmed or struggling, you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and help is always available. If you or anyone you know needs help, give us a call 24 hours a day at 844-430-3060.

    My Last Relapse explores what everyone is thinking but no one is saying about addiction and recovery through conversations with those whose lives have changed.

    For anyone disillusioned with traditional recovery and feeling left out, misunderstood, or weighed down by unrealistic expectations, this podcast looks ahead—rejecting the lies and dogma that keep people from imagining life without using.

    Got a question for us? Leave us a message or voicemail at mylastrelapse.com

    Find us on YouTube @MyLastRelapse and follow Matt on Instagram @matthew.handy.17

    Host: Matthew Handy
    Producer: Eva Sheie
    Assistant Producers: Mary Ellen Clarkson & Hannah Burkhart
    Engineering: Voltage FM, Victoria Cheng
    Theme music: Survive The Tide, Machina Aeon
    Cover Art: DMARK

    My Last Relapse is a production of Kind Creative: kindcreative.com
    Show More Show Less
    3 hrs and 24 mins
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