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My Spouse Died Too

My Spouse Died Too

Written by: Emeric McCleary Widower
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About this listen

 The My Spouse Died Too podcast gives you hope, so you can heal, find love again, and give grief the middle finger. You're not alone, because My Spouse Died Too. My name is Emeric McCleary. I'm your host. Join me and our widowed guests. This ain't your Grandma's grief group!2019-2024 Emeric McCleary Relationships Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Episode 96: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (3 of 3)

    Episode 96: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (3 of 3)
    Apr 16 2024

    The last doctor visit, and why Jane's doctor cries.

    Hope discussion. Did Jarie have a hope stopping point, like I did?

    What love is.

    Jane's last written words, delivered to Jarie, after Jane dies.

    Now, how Jarie lives each day, even if it's a shytty day. Try this.

    Love after Jane. Is soon, too soon? Define soon.

    Dating and guilt. No one else knows your path.

    If you're uncertain (scared to death) about dating, hear what Jarie says, because you might not have another shot.

    Quitting substances (except caffeine and orange-glazed scones). Jarie specifies his decisions, effects, and how this helps to not make life more miserable.

    Golden words of wisdom.

    Link to Jarie's website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie.

    If you haven't listened to Parts 1 or 2, link here: Part 1 Part 2

    Thanks for listening.

    Yes, and...

    Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

    • Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
    • Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
    • Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
    • Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
    • And it's the best way to contact me.

    Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

    Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

    Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

    ~ Emeric

    My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.
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    1 hr and 11 mins
  • Episode 95: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (2 of 3)

    Episode 95: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (2 of 3)
    Apr 9 2024

    Vaping to cope. THC and CBD.

    Jane needs Jarie to be her ROCK.

    Failure lump in Jarie's throat. The feeling…how anxiety and stress manifest themselves.

    When Jarie, the man who loves a plan, asks himself "How am I going to fix this?" And then realizes "I can't fix this!"

    Chemotherapy ravages—Jarie buzzes off Jane's long black hair.

    Freezing your embryos. Jarie and I have a gut-wrenching intimate discussion.

    Discussing death with your dying spouse. So hard.

    How a guardian angel social worker puts things into clear focus.

    Jarie describes the best gift he's ever had: priceless words Jane said to him about finding love after death.

    Link to Jarie's website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie.

    If you haven't listened to Part 1, link here: Part 1

    Thanks for listening.

    Join us for part 3 of 3.

    Yes, and...

    Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

    • Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
    • Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
    • Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
    • Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
    • And it's the best way to contact me.

    Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

    Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

    Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

    ~ Emeric

    My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.
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    1 hr and 14 mins
  • Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3)

    Episode 94: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir (1 of 3)
    Apr 3 2024
    If you marry, and mark your day with ceremony, you might include these wedding vows: To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part. Half-easy to recite, but fulfill—a Sisyphean effort. Widowed guest co-host and author Jarie Bolander joins us. Jarie's book is titled: Ride Or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir. Jarie's memoir, a poignant tribute to his late spouse Jane, is a testament to the power of love and commitment those exact wedding vows embody. Here's the set-up… Friday, the day after Christmas 2015. Married less than two years, Jarie and Jane are San Francisco's young attractive power couple. Jarie is 45, a Silicon Valley engineer, entrepreneur, seven-book author, podcaster, blogger, and working on another start-up. Jarie is a highly functional introvert. Jarie's spouse Jane, an outright extrovert, runs the public relations firm she founded. A quenchless zest for life fills Jane, a 35-year-old fireball. Jarie and Jane work on making a baby. But after two miscarriages…diagnostic blood tests become routine. Now, the day after Christmas—after spending a few hectically fun-filled days at Jane's parent's house, it's time to drive the thirty-five-plus minutes home to San Francisco. Jarie looks forward to getting home midday and relaxing a bit before their restaurant dinner date. But Jane insists on having her next routine blood draw today. Jarie protests why Jane can't wait until the next week because it's barely the day after Christmas AND it's a Friday. The walk-in-no-appointment-necessary laboratory is on the way home. It's quick. Blood drawn. 35 minutes later, Jane and Jarie arrive home, unpack, and put their luggage away. Jane's cell phone rings. An unknown caller. Jarie says ignore it. Jane answers because restaurants often call to confirm reservations. The restaurant is not the caller--the medical facility calls. Jane's blood test results signal concern. The caller wants Jane to test more NOW. Please come into the hospital via the Emergency Room entrance. Jarie and Jane enter the ER entrance. And straight away, escorted into a curtained section. Not even 6 minutes pass, two doctors enter. After introductions, one doctor asks Jane do you know why you're here? Jane says, because I was told over the phone my blood test was abnormal. The doctor agrees. The doctors also ask about the small patches of red dots on Jane's tummy. The red dots appeared after the last miscarriage—severe cramping often bursts tiny surface blood vessels. Jane asks why, what about the red dots—and the doctors say they need an opinion from the on-call oncologist. Oncologist? Why an oncologist? One doctor says, well, we're not exactly sure, but it looks like you might have…leukemia. Jarie's book is the first I've read written from a widowed Man's viewpoint. Jarie's memoir NAILS it. So much echoes my own once-upon-a-time story. Jarie hands you his heart, his fears, his perceived failings. Weaknesses. Strengths. Obsessions. Addictions. Things you only tell your therapist. Jarie's experience might parallel yours. For example, as men, we were raised to be protectors, not caregivers. An old-fashioned male archetype? In our DNA? Jarie painstakingly details his caregiving odyssey. Losing himself in Jane's sickness, he copes by numbing. Alcohol. Pot, Caffeine. His therapist doesn't know to what extent. Jane's health declines. Jarie can't protect Jane. His self-perceived failure persecutes him. And from diagnosis to death, not even 18 months pass. Kindly observe what happens after Jane's death. Because Jarie continues his lionhearted pilgrimage— through grief and anger— to find himself, and love again. Link to Jarie's website JarieBolander.com where you can purchase his book and learn about everything Jarie. Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3. Yes, and... Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits: Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.And it's the best way to contact me. Because you shouldn't have to journey alone. Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com. Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger. ~ Emeric My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2024 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.
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    1 hr and 4 mins
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