No Pity Pancakes -- Ep. 005 cover art

No Pity Pancakes -- Ep. 005

No Pity Pancakes -- Ep. 005

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 For years — any emotional disturbance I had was either expressed aggressively or bottled up inside for a “rage out” at a later time. It took me years to draw correlation between the downplaying and expressing of my true feelings and all the rage I still contained inside. As time went, self control became a novelty, and the emotional triggers began consuming me. Eventually, I couldn’t maintain relationships, work a job, or build businesses due such rage outs. So I relegated myself to my foxhole and prayed I’d make it out alive. After many years of sitting and observing myself objectively within this game of Life, I’ve come to comprehend why I am — the way I am, in such emotional circumstances. I disregard how I feel regularly because I feel bad about potentially making others feel bad. For instance, this past Saturday — after a long week of hooking and jabbing, I wanted chocolate pancakes with the family. After sleeping into until noon for a much needed rest day, we all rendezvous’d in the kitchen for pre-breakfast planning. Usually, my step-daughter and I, one-two punch the job together but after 5-days of school and an 8-hour shift at work on Saturday — her willingness to participate was minuscule. However, I had been wanting pancakes for 3-days. Instead of making them when I wanted them, I chose to wait, because I felt bad and hoped to have them on Sunday together as a family. Upon hearing she didn’t want to make pancakes with me, I immediately morphed into my 14-year old self and through a silent fit. She instantly saw my face turn sour and attempted to course-correct by saying she’ll make them. Obviously, it was too late and I cut off my nose despite my face. I didn’t want pity pancakes! I wanted her to WANT to make the pancakes because a voluntold effort (as we know all too well) always comes up half-assed. I tell her not to worry about it as I fume at the table. Seeing that I needed a moment, she decides on avocado toast and begins preparing it to eat. In the middle of my mental foray, I ask myself why pancakes would make me so mad? Why would the idea of an exhausted 16-year old not wanting to make pancakes with me after a long 6-day week would upend me so badly? I chose to stop fuming in the moment and begin feeling into the sensations I was feeling — “I don’t feel appreciated.” That was the underlying feeling I had at the table fuming. Yet, I know for a fact my step-daughter and wife constantly make me feel appreciated. So what was it? Then it clicked — I didn’t feel appreciated by my own self and I was projecting outward onto my step-daughter in personal frustration. Some part of me wanted Chocolate pancakes on Thursday. That part of me was now expecting them on Sunday. After a long week of serving everyone else, I’m mad at myself because I don’t have the perceived energy to now serve myself. That’s bullshit — I thought to myself. All this revelation happening in real-time. So I march into the kitchen and begin making some Daggohn chocolate pancakes. Instantly, I begin calming down. I needed to be appreciated — to be seen, heard, and acknowledged in that moment, not from others but from myself. This is called Mirror Theory… Let’s Dive In! Follow our social media pages: Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/share/1FWsPpcm3H/?mibextid=wwXIfr⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@VeteranDadPodcast⁠ LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/groups/13261037/⁠ Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/veteran_dad_podcast?igsh=a3M4OWY4ajN3bHg%3D&utm_source=qr⁠ X/Twitter: ⁠https://x.com/VetDadPodcast⁠ Shoot us an email with any questions or requests at: veterandadpodcast@gmail.com
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