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Some people leave behind money.
Some leave behind property.
Some leave behind stories that crawl under your skin and refuse to die.

This week, we bring back one of our ride or dies since birth… Auntie.

Last time we talked about grief.
This time we dig up 78 years of living.

The bucket list items she crossed off.
The fuck it list items she actually did.
The ones she didn’t.
The reasons why.
The regrets.
The risks.
The love.
The almosts.

This is the origin story of The Fuck It List.

We talk about the trip of a lifetime to NYC.
Where we met a celebrity.
Got bed bugs.
And Auntie fell in love with a 30-year-old man who was already in love with someone his own age. (We’re joking. Sort of.)

This episode is about learning through someone else’s life before it’s too late.

Respect your elders. They are walking plot twists.

PLOT TWIST: YOU ARE STILL ALIVE...

SO FUCKING LIVE!!!

Listener discretion advised ⚠️ 18+ only. Contains dark humor, explicit language, sexual content, discussions of abuse and trauma.

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You think it’s different this time.

Different face. Different voice. Different promises.

But somehow… you end up standing in the same position. Across from a completely different person, having the same arguments, feeling the same confusion, questioning your own reality all over again.

Why?

Because trauma creates patterns.
Because unhealed wounds don’t magically close.
Because what we don’t confront doesn’t disappear.

It follows.

In this episode, Apryl shares her story of abusive relationships, narcissism, gaslighting, addiction, PTSD, and the exhausting cycle of repeating what feels familiar — even when it hurts. We talk about trauma bonds, red flags we rename, and how survival mode can look a lot like love.

Over and over.
Until someone decides to break it.

This is about the horror of repetition — and the strength it takes to finally step out of the pattern.

⚠️ 18+ | abuse | gaslighting | addiction | PTSD | dark humor

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Julie is nine years old when her life splits into BEFORE and AFTER.

Her father dies suddenly….no warning, no goodbye, no final moment her memory can cling to. Just a silence so loud it follows her everywhere. A house now holding a mother and five children, and a man-shaped absence that settles into every birthday, every school event, every milestone he will never witness.

At nine, Julie’s brain isn’t old enough to understand death the way adults do — so it protects her. It buries memories. It blurs details. It teaches her how to keep going without fully feeling what she’s lost. For years, she doesn’t grieve the way people expect. She survives instead.

As she grows, Julie is haunted by who she might have been, how life might have turned out, and the version of herself that was never given the chance to exist.

This is the most difficult thing no child should ever have to survive: the sudden, tragic loss of a parent…..and the long, difficult road of growing up alongside what remains.

This isn’t just a story about grief.
It’s about the quiet strength it takes an entire family when a parent is gone too soon.
⚠️ 18+ | death and dying | grief | dark humor

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