Resilience After Abuse: What It Really Means and How to Rebuild

Key Takeaways

Have you ever felt so broken by your past that the idea of “resilience” feels impossible or even offensive? You're not alone. In this honest and hope-filled conversation, Leslie sits down with licensed therapist and trauma expert Tabitha Westbrook to unpack what true resilience looks like after abuse, trauma, or coercive control. They explore how healing is not about forgetting the past or slapping on a spiritual Band-Aid, but about gently—and courageously—cleaning off your front porch, one step at a time.

If you're feeling numb, overwhelmed, or wondering why you're not "over it yet," this episode will ground you in truth, compassion, and practical steps to begin rebuilding—body, mind, and spirit.

Key Takeaways from Today’s Episode:

Resilience Isn’t Pretending It Didn’t Happen True resilience doesn’t mean denying the trauma or "getting over it." It means facing what’s been dumped on your porch—the trash, the rats, the grief—and slowly beginning to clean it up. You may not have caused the mess, but you are worthy of healing and peace.

“You’re not responsible for the trash that was thrown on your porch—but you are responsible for whether or not you leave it there.” – Tabitha Westbrook

Healing Happens One Bag at a Time You don’t have to sweep the entire porch in one day. Progress might look like removing one trash bag, asking a friend for help, or simply opening the front door. Healing is a slow, strengthening process. Each step builds capacity and courage.

“Even if all you do today is open the door and breathe, that’s progress.”

Boundaries Are Part of Resilience Setting healthy boundaries with people who have harmed you—or who continue to—is not unloving. It’s wise. And sometimes, healing means evaluating whether certain relationships need to shift or even end. But estrangement isn’t always the only option.

“Resilience includes discernment—who gets to come to the gate, who stays on the sidewalk, and who doesn’t get to be in your yard at all.”

Your Body Is Not the Enemy—It’s a Messenger Many women have been taught to ignore their feelings or bodily cues, especially in the church. But trauma is stored in the body, and your body can alert you to danger or truth—even when your mind can’t make sense of it. Learning to listen to your body is a sacred act of healing.

“Your shoulders don’t have lips—but they speak through tension, pain, and nausea. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you.”

Triggers Are Opportunities, Not Failures If you're still getting triggered, it doesn’t mean you're failing. It means your body is showing you something that still needs tending. Healing is not linear—and it never ends this side of heaven. But each trigger is an invitation to deeper understanding and growth.

“When you’re triggered, it’s not time to shame yourself. It’s time to ask: What is this showing me? Where do I still need care and kindness?”

Feeling Stuck? You're Not Alone—And You’re Not Broken.

If you’re in a season where even opening your front door feels impossible, please know this: You don't have to do it alone. Asking for help is a holy, courageous first step. Whether it's a friend, a support group, or a therapist, reaching out can be the beginning of your transformation.

Final Encouragement

Sweet friend, healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel pain again—it means the pain won’t own you. You were made for more than just surviving. With God’s help and your brave yes, you can rebuild your life, reclaim your voice, and rediscover your worth.

You are not too far gone. You are not too broken. And you are not alone.

Learn more about Tabitha and her book: Body and Soul: Healed and Whole https://www.tabithawestbrook.com

Have you ever wondered if your struggles with anxiety, depression, or trauma mean you're not “spiritual enough”? Maybe you've tried praying harder, reading your Bible more, or pushing yourself to “have more faith,” yet you're still stuck. If so, you're not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with one of our incredible coaches, Susan King, to explore the shame many women feel around mental health and emotional struggles. Together, we unpack harmful spiritual myths, why healing is often a journey, and how to take faithful, empowered steps forward—even when life feels overwhelming.

Whether you’re navigating separation, burnout, or simply trying to figure out where to start, this conversation will offer you clarity, comfort, and practical wisdom for your next step.

Too many women have been told that anxiety or depression means their faith is weak. Susan and I challenge this harmful belief, pointing to biblical figures like David, Elijah, and Paul—deeply faithful people who struggled emotionally. God meets us in our weakness, not with condemnation but with compassion.

Misinterpretations of Scripture—like reading "do not be anxious" as a command rather than comfort—can lead to unnecessary guilt. Healing is a process, and God often uses tools like counseling, medication, and support to bring restoration. You’re not a failure if you need help.

We talk about the tension between accepting your current chapter and still longing for something more. Is it wrong to want change? Absolutely not. God invites us to co-author our story with Him. Discovering your God-given desires and letting go of comparison is part of living authentically and faithfully.

When life feels overwhelming, it’s not just about a to-do list. Sometimes resistance comes from fear—of failure, disapproval, or making a mistake. We share powerful tools like brain dumping and identifying your internal vs. external work so you can get unstuck and take your next step with clarity.

Healing and change don’t require massive leaps. A 2% shift—whether that's taking a breath, letting go of perfectionism, or asking, “Who do I want to be today?”—can redirect your day and your life. Start small, stay curious, and trust that God is with you in every step.

If this conversation resonated with you, we’d love to walk with you further. Empowered to Change is our transformative coaching program designed to help women just like you break free from destructive patterns, build internal strength, and create real, lasting change—with God at the center.

👉 Join Empowered to Change today: https://leslievernick.com/growth

Sister, you are not broken beyond repair. You are not failing because you’re struggling. Healing is not a race—it’s a sacred journey. Whether you’re just beginning or you’re in the messy middle, know this: God sees you. He is with you. And step by step, with truth and grace, you can grow.

You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s keep walking in truth—together.

What does it really take to go from paralyzing fear and emotional confusion to courageous clarity and freedom? In Part 2 of our conversation, Coach LeAnne Parsons continues her heart-stirring dialogue with three women who bravely walked the journey of healing inside Empowered to Change. This week, we go deeper—unpacking the exact tools, mindset shifts, and faith-filled decisions that helped them disentangle their lives and rediscover who they truly are in Christ.

If you've ever felt stuck in shame, unsure if you could trust again, or wondered if real change is even possible—this episode is your answer.

Why They Finally Said Yes to Healing Each woman shares her unique tipping point—the moment when the pain of staying the same outweighed the fear of stepping into the unknown. For some, it was physical symptoms. For others, it was the ache of isolation. But for all three, it became clear: it was time to stop surviving and start healing.

The Power of Safe, Christ-Centered Community Healing happens in the light. From hesitant strangers to trusted sisters, these women describe how their Empowered to Change group became a safe haven where their stories were honored, their pain was validated, and their growth was celebrated—without judgment, shame, or superficial fixes.

Tools that Actually Change Lives From practicing hard conversations in the mirror, to disentangling emotional confusion with thought journals and boundaries, these women used practical tools that reshaped how they thought, spoke, and showed up in their relationships. This isn’t inspiration for inspiration’s sake—it’s real transformation, step-by-step.

Confidence Built on Courage, Not Perfection They didn’t wait until they felt “ready” or confident. They showed up afraid—but they showed up. And as they practiced courage in community, confidence followed. As Christine beautifully shared, “Confidence is the fruit of choosing courage—even when your voice shakes”.

Sustainable Change for the Long Haul Nearly five years after completing Empowered to Change, these women are still growing, still connected, and still walking in truth. They’ve moved from reactive living to intentional, Christ-centered wholeness—testifying that healing isn’t a one-time moment, but a lifestyle of learning, growing, and living loved.

If their stories stirred something in your heart, maybe it’s your time too. Empowered to Change is a six-month coaching journey for Christian women who are ready to stop surviving and start growing. Whether you’re in a hard marriage, dealing with past wounds, or trying to reclaim your voice—you don’t have to walk it alone.

👉 Join Empowered to Change and experience a safe, Christ-centered community where healing is possible and growth is sustainable.

Sister, healing takes courage, but you don’t have to be fearless to begin. If you’re tired of the fog, the shame, and the loneliness, let today be your turning point. You are not broken beyond repair. You are not too late. And you are never alone. Let God be the lifter of your head, and let us walk with you into a new chapter of healing and hope.

Come and see—there’s more on the other side of your fear.