Host: MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT Guest: Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT

MaryAnn welcomes Dr. Strange back to conclude the grief and loss series, focusing on the deeply personal and complex decision many betrayed partners face: Should I stay or should I go?, offering validation, practical guidance, and reassurance that healing is nonlinear — and that hope grows when individuals reclaim choice, safety, and support.

The episode also includes a link to a recording of the Human Intimacy Pre-Conference Q&A with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Michelle Mays, Darrell Brazell, Dr. Strange and MaryAnn as they field questions from viewers, an invitation to participate in a grief-and-loss survey addressing the limited research in this area and a preview of the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026).

• Why this question feels urgent after betrayal

• The importance of slowing down before making permanent decisions

• Exceptions when immediate safety (e.g., domestic violence) requires swift action

• Shock, rage, confusion, and disorientation as normal trauma responses

• Regulating the nervous system to support rational, grounded decision-making

• Reclaiming agency after betrayal

• The right to choose — and the right to change your mind

• Empowerment through informed, intentional decisions

• The complexity of grieving someone who is still alive

• Ongoing relational ambiguity

• How unresolved betrayal grief can resurface after divorce or remarriage

• Why grief needs compassionate support

• The healing power of peer connection

• The scarcity of structured resources for betrayal grief

• Dr. Strange’s doctoral research interviewing 11 betrayed men

• The lack of research and support specifically for men

• The value of creating space for underrepresented voices

• Barriers couples face when attempting to rebuild intimacy

• Emotional, relational, and trauma-related obstacles

• Hope for renewed connection when healing work is intentional

• Identifying the gap between what was hoped for and what occurred

• Naming losses clearly and concretely

• Reframing hope as agency — having plans, options, and forward movement

Resources Human Intimacy Conference Pre-Session Q&A 2/26/26

2nd Annual Online Human Intimacy Conference Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale

Men's Betrayal Group - send email to info@humanintimacy.com

We often say “grief and loss.”

But what if it’s actually loss first — then grief?

In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT explore the profound and often unnamed experience of loss after betrayal — and how grief emerges only after we cognitively realize what has actually been taken from us.

Because betrayal is not just trauma.

It is the loss of:

• The reality you thought you were living

• The identity you believed you held

• Your sense of stability

• Your worth

• Your attachment security

• The future you imagined

At first, there is shock. Survival. Chaos.

It may take months — sometimes a year or more — before the mind can say:

“This is grief.”

That cognitive realization changes everything.

Betrayal involves the loss of:

• The reality you believed you were living

• The partner you thought you knew

• Your internal stability

• Your identity

• Your sense of worth

Only when the loss is named can grief begin to organize.

Without language, pain remains chaotic. MaryAnn references the German word Schmerz — deep emotional and mental anguish — capturing the soul-level rupture many betrayed partners experience.

When we can say, “I am grieving,” healing begins.

Betrayal often destabilizes self-trust and worth. Healing requires:

• Re-identifying personal value

• Validating your emotional experience

• Rebuilding trust with yourself

• Securely attaching to yourself

Attachment research (Bowlby; Mikulincer & Shaver) supports this internal reorganization as part of recovery.

Telling your story helps the brain reorganize trauma. Research by James Pennebaker shows that expressive writing reduces depressive symptoms and improves emotional integration.

Each time the story is told:

• Meaning deepens

• Emotional intensity shifts

• Integration strengthens

The story changes because healing is occurring.

Grief is not a stage to bypass — it is a process to move through.

As described in grief research (Worden), healing involves:

1. Acknowledging the loss

2. Feeling the pain

3. Adjusting to a new reality

4. Reinvesting in life with meaning

Resilience grows when grief is honored — not rushed.

• Grief After Betrayal Scale

• Rise: Online Course

• Human Intimacy Conference (Online March 13–14) Feb Promo 30OFF, March 20OFF

• https://www.humanintimacy.com

Selected References

• Bowlby, Loss: Sadness and Depression

• Mikulincer & Shaver, Attachment in Adulthood

• Worden, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy

• Pennebaker, Opening Up

If you are navigating betrayal:

You are not weak. You are not overreacting. You are grieving.

And grief honored becomes strength reclaimed.

Grieving through Burbles, Triggers, and Trauma-Anniversaries,

with Dr. Karen Strange

Episode Summary

Grief is something every human experiences—but grief after betrayal trauma carries a unique kind of pain. In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Dr. Karen Strange PhD, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT continue their powerful series on grief and betrayal, exploring why healing feels messy, unpredictable, and often overwhelming.

If you’ve ever wondered why emotions hit you out of nowhere, sometimes even decades later… why you feel numb one day and furious the next… or why your body seems to remember things your mind tries to forget—this conversation will help you feel seen, validated, and less alone.

Together, they discuss the truth many betrayed partners discover: betrayal can feel like a death—not only of a relationship, but of identity, safety, and the future you thought you were building.

This episode is compassionate, raw, and deeply grounding for anyone navigating the emotional aftermath of sexual betrayal.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why grief is not linear—and why it often feels like a “squiggly mess”

• How betrayal trauma mirrors the death of a relationship and the loss of reality

• Why people often experience grief as confusion, powerlessness, and loss of self

• What “delayed grief” is and why emotions can resurface years later

• Why numbness is a normal survival response (and not a sign you’re broken)

• How “trauma-versaries” can affect the body even when you don’t realize it

• The importance of having your story witnessed—without someone trying to “silver line” your pain

• How anger and rage can show up in grief, and how to safely discharge that energy through the body

• Why acceptance is often the moment emotions begin to intensify—not disappear

A Powerful Reminder:

Grief doesn’t end. It evolves.

And healing doesn’t mean you never feel pain again—it means learning how to honor what you’ve lost, hold compassion for yourself, and create space for your story to land.

If This Episode Resonated With You…

Please like and share it with someone who may be silently carrying grief after betrayal. You are not alone, and you were never meant to heal alone.

🔗 Companion Course:

Find support and resources at humanintimacy.com

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• Human Intimacy Conference, Online March 13 & 14, 2026 use Promo 30OFF

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Resources and References

• Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying.

• Kessler, D. (2019). Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.

• Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.

• Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly.

• Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger.

• Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice.

• Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion.

• Doka, K. J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief.

• Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma.

• van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score.

• Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body.