What if the person you’ve been trying to reach simply doesn’t have the interior capacity to meet you there?

In this episode, Mechelle and Monte explore what it means to be “missing a self” — the relational pattern where someone never developed a stable interior foundation and unconsciously pulls others into orbit around their unmet needs. They unpack the difference between empathy and hypervigilance, why this behavior can look narcissistic without being clinical narcissism, and why trying harder is never the answer when someone else is the variable. If you’ve spent too long trying to be enough, this one’s for you.

Content warning:

This episode discusses emotionally unavailable and narcissistic relationship patterns. If you’re currently in a difficult or potentially harmful relationship, please listen with care and reach out to a trusted support person.

• Thanks for Sharing Podcast

• Dr Ramani

• Carol Tuttle

Information is not intended as professional advice and is for entertainment only.

keywords:

missing a self, codependency, hypervigilance vs empathy, narcissistic patterns relationships, self abandonment, emotional unavailability, trying to be enough, differentiation in relationships, relationship healing, Rupture Ever After, narcissism narcissistic relationship missing a self sense of self relational healing codependency gaslighting hypervigilance empath and narcissist nervous system attachment patterns feeling like a burden self-worth trauma-informed family of origin healing relationships relationship patterns rupture and repair Dr. Ramani taking up space

What if the thing you thought was love was actually a slow disappearing act?

In this episode, Mechelle and Monte get honest about one of the most common — and least talked about — patterns in relationships: losing yourself. They open with a story from their own rupture history, one that got messy enough to involve the police, and trace it back to something neither of them fully had words for at the time: codependency.

But this isn't a clinical breakdown of a buzzword. This is the real stuff — how girls are taught from childhood to become emotional caretakers, how boys are conditioned to perform instead of feel, and how both end up in relationships where they're giving up the very thing that makes connection possible: themselves.

Mechelle walks through how women are shaped — through family roles, purity culture, and religious systems — to monitor how they affect others instead of building an interior life. Monte reflects on what it's like when your worth gets tied entirely to what you produce, and how that becomes its own trap. Together they explore the difference between true generosity and compulsive self-abandonment, why swinging to the opposite extreme isn't actually freedom, and what it felt like to start practicing something different — even when it was uncomfortable.

They also introduce the concept of legacy burdens — generational patterns that get passed through DNA, not just behavior — and Mechelle shares how this connects to her own cultural background and what she's exploring around it.

The episode closes with a rupture repair reflection question to sit with:

Where am I abandoning myself to keep peace?

Resources mentioned:

• Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch

• Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody

• Codependent No More & The New Codependency by Melody Beattie

• Breaking Free by Pia Mellody

• The Wisdom of Your Body by Dr. Hillary McBride

• Polygamy Survey

• Thanks for Sharing Podcast

Information is not intended as professional advice and is for entertainment only.

Your childhood didn't just shape your memories — it shaped your nervous system, your health, your relationships, and the way you move through the world every single day.

In this episode, we sit down to explore the groundbreaking research behind Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa — a book that finally puts science behind what so many of us have always felt but couldn't name. We talk about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), how chronic stress in childhood rewires the brain and body, and what it actually means to begin healing.

This is not a book review. This is a real, honest conversation about what it means to grow up in a home where something — or everything — felt unsafe, unpredictable, or unloving, and how those experiences don't just disappear when we become adults.

In this episode we cover:

• What Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are and why they matter

• How childhood stress and trauma get stored in the body

• The connection between ACEs and chronic illness, anxiety, and depression

• What the science says about healing — and why it's actually possible

This episode is for you if:

• You grew up in a home with instability, neglect, or emotional unavailability

• You've struggled with anxiety, depression, chronic illness, or feeling "broken"

• You've always sensed your childhood left a mark but couldn't explain how or why

• You're a therapist, coach, or healer supporting others in this work

• You're ready to finally connect the dots between your past and your present

Mentioned in this episode:

• Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

• ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study

#ChildhoodDisrupted #ACEs #AdverseChildhoodExperiences #ChildhoodTrauma #TraumaHealing #NervousSystemHealing #InnerChildHealing #TraumaRecovery #SomaticHealing #AttachmentHealing #ChronicIllnessAndTrauma #EmotionalHealing #MentalHealthPodcast #HealingPodcast

Information is not intended as professional advice and is for entertainment only.