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Summary:
Jason shares five habits healthy couples avoid to maintain strong, connected relationships.

The Five Habits to Avoid:

1. Waking each other up to talk when upset—sleep first, discuss later.
2. Assuming your partner is trying to upset you—differences aren’t disrespect.
3. Expecting your partner to fix your anxiety—self-regulation is key.
4. Using distance or avoidance to calm anxiety—space is healthy only if it leads to reconnection.
5. Feeling entitled to sex—focus on intimacy, not demands.

Final Thought:
Healthy couples are intentional, self-aware, and patient with each other.

Link to Relationship Style Quiz

See it in blog form: 5 Things Healthy Couples Avoid

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Episode Summary: In this episode, Jason Polk, a couples therapist with over 10 years of experience, shares the six key signs that indicate it might be time to seek couples therapy. He explains why seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and offers practical examples and personal insights.

Six Signs It's Time for Couples Therapy:

1. Constant Fighting: Recurring arguments over both small and big issues, often with deeper cycles beneath the surface.
2. Constant Avoidance: Lack of communication and emotional distance, which can be more damaging than fighting.
3. Deep Resentment & Contempt: Sharing resentment without boundaries, leading to defensiveness and a cycle of blame.
4. Mistrust: Persistent uneasiness, anxiety, or infidelity that undermines trust in the relationship.
5. Lack of Connection: Not making time to connect, which can amplify annoyances and distance.
6. Inability to Repair After Conflict: Struggling to reconnect or be vulnerable after disagreements.

Key Takeaways:

• Couples therapy is a proactive step toward a healthier relationship.
• Repairing after conflict and maintaining connection are essential skills.
• Even therapists benefit from couples therapy!

Mentioned in This Episode:

• Episode 66: More on repairing after conflict
• Personal stories and examples from Jason’s own relationship

If you recognize any of these signs in your relationship, consider contacting a couples therapist. Remember, seeking help is a sign of hope and commitment to growth.

Couples Therapy in Colorado

Thanks for listening!

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Show Notes: Understanding Narcissism in Relationships

Host: Jason Polk, Couples Therapist & Agency Owner

Episode Overview: In this episode, Jason Polk explores the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships. He breaks down what it means to be a narcissist, the origins of narcissistic behavior, and how these patterns affect both partners and families.

Key Topics Covered:

• Jason's definition of narcissism
• Quote on shame and false empowerment in the development of narcissistic traits
• How narcissists respond to feedback and accountability
• The emotional toll on partners of narcissists, including depression and loss of self
• The challenges and strategies of marriage counseling with a narcissistic partner
• The importance of leverage and motivation for change in therapy
• Practical advice for partners, including setting boundaries and reclaiming your voice

Resources Mentioned:

• PDF on functional psychological boundaries

Takeaways:

• Change is possible, but it requires motivation and structure
• Partners have more influence than they may realize
• Sometimes, the work is about reclaiming your own needs and sense of self

Connect with Jason Polk: For more support or to learn about therapy options, reach out to Jason and his team of RLT therapists.

Jason's agencies:

Colorado Relationship Recovery – Couples Therapy

Real Therapists Group (insurance-based practice)

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Jason Polk, a seasoned therapist specializing in couples therapy, hosts Brandon Schwartz, LCSW, from Colorado Relationship Recovery on the podcast.

Brandon shares his journey of becoming a therapist, influenced by overcoming bullying, depression, and a transformative experience with his own therapist in middle school.

He discusses his educational path, shifting from a desire to join the Marines to pursuing psychology, eventually finding his passion in couples therapy.

The conversation touches on the modalities of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and its differences from other therapies, the concept of grandiosity and narcissism in relationships, and the profound impact therapy can have on personal and relational growth.

Brandon emphasizes the importance of empathy, accountability, and differentiation in therapy, explaining why he finds his work both revolutionary and rewarding.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome

01:09 Brandon's Journey to Becoming a Therapist

02:47 High School and College Experiences

04:04 Choosing Marriage and Family Therapy

05:36 Impactful Therapy Experience

09:02 Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and Couples Work

13:57 First and Second Order Change in Therapy

15:34 Family Influence and Accountability

18:28 Understanding Human Behavior in Therapy

19:20 The Importance of Self-Realization

20:22 Personal Wake-Up Calls

22:21 The Role of Direct Feedback

25:31 Defining Narcissism in Therapy

31:51 The Revolutionary Impact of Couples Therapy

To learn more about Brandon and work with him, visit his About page.

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In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk delves into the importance of repair in relationships, why it's challenging, and how to effectively navigate it. Polk explains the concept of repair as restoring relationships after conflicts and discusses two main barriers: ego and lack of skills. He shares personal insights and strategies, including the importance of repairing in the moment and post-conflict methods like offering a sincere apology and sharing vulnerability. He emphasizes that repair is vital for healthy relationships and provides practical advice for couples to enhance their connection. Listeners are encouraged to prioritize repair over ego for the sake of their relationships and families.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:28 Understanding Conflict and Repair
01:11 The Role of Ego in Repair
03:39 Repairing in the Moment
05:15 Repairing After a Fight
08:00 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Feedback Wheel PDF

This episode was inspired by this blog: The Art of Repair: What It Means and Why It's So Hard

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In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' Jason Polk, a therapist and coach with over 10 years of experience, discusses the financial and emotional costs of marriage counseling versus divorce.

Jason highlights the expense and emotional toll of contested divorces, which can range from $10,000 to $15,000, compared to the relatively lower cost of marriage counseling.

He explains how counseling can help either salvage a relationship or make the separation process more compassionate and dignified. Jason states that counseling can be valuable in creating healthier futures, whether couples stay together or separate.

00:00 Introduction to the Show
00:27 Marriage Counseling vs. Divorce: An Overview
00:39 Financial and Emotional Costs of Divorce
02:17 The Role of Marriage Counseling
05:23 When Divorce is Inevitable
06:15 Cost Comparison: Counseling vs. Divorce
06:48 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Couples Intensive episode.

This episode was inspired by Jason's blog post.

Jason's marriage counseling practice.

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Understanding Cheating: Definitions, Impacts, and Pathways to Healing

In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk explores the complex topic of cheating.

He delves into the different forms of infidelity, including financial and emotional cheating, and emphasizes the importance of explicit agreements between partners.

Polk also discusses the synonyms and antonyms of cheating and provides insights into how a lack of openness can create a breeding ground for infidelity.

Key takeaways include the critical role of trust, honesty, and transparency in preventing and recovering from betrayal.

00:00 Introduction to the Show

00:22 Defining Cheating and Infidelity

01:12 Types of Cheating

02:03 Importance of Agreements in Relationships

03:29 Emotional Affairs and Implicit Agreements

05:00 Antonyms of Cheating

05:21 Conditions Leading to Cheating

06:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

This blog inspired this episode: What is considered cheating?

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Jason explores the purpose of marriage beyond initial infatuation and love chemicals.

He explains that marriage is an essential emotional refuge and economic partnership, providing a place for vulnerability, acceptance, and the sharing of resources.

Jason discusses typical relationship dynamics like the pursue-withdraw cycle and how past experiences shape our partner interactions.

He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the relationship to foster connection and joy. Through understanding and intentional effort, marriage can bring resilience and confidence. By succeeding as a team, it can make life more enjoyable and less expensive.

00:00 Introduction to the Show
00:25 The Science of Love and Monogamy
01:07 Impact of Upbringing on Relationships
02:40 Purpose of Marriage
03:17 Emotional and Economic Benefits of Marriage
04:57 Challenges in Marriage
06:17 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

To read the blog that inspired this episode, you can check out: What's the Purpose of Marriage? A Marriage Counselor's Perspective.

Click here to learn more about Jason's couples therapy agency.