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Stilettos and Steel Toes

Stilettos and Steel Toes

Written by: Ray/Riley Kulmins
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About this listen

 Stilettos and Steel Toes is a podcast about gender expression, identity, and self-acceptance. Hosted by Riley(aka Ray), a femme-presenting, gender-nonconforming service tech, the show shares raw stories, real conversations, and honest reflections on life beyond the binary. Whether you're out, questioning, or just curious — you belong here.Ray/Riley Kulmins Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Episode 2 — “Coming Out: On My Terms”

    Episode 2 — “Coming Out: On My Terms”
    Dec 11 2025
    Episode 2 — “Coming Out: On My Terms”In this deeply emotional episode, Riley opens up about the truth behind coming out — not as a single moment, but a lifetime of small, sacred choices.This episode explores the fear, grief, and wisdom that shaped Riley’s journey, including the recent loss of their father-in-law to suicide and the painful realization that each loss is one less connection to Morgan, their late wife.This episode is raw, tender, vulnerable, and empowering. If you’ve ever felt torn between fear and authenticity, this conversation is for you.Extended Show Notes✨ Episode SummaryIn this deeply vulnerable episode, Riley shares the truth about coming out — not as a single moment, but as a lifelong journey filled with fear, freedom, grief, and profound self-discovery.The episode begins with an honest reflection on the tragic loss of Riley’s father-in-law to suicide — a loss that occurred just days before releasing Episode 1. Riley explores how this heartbreak resurfaced old wounds, especially around losing another piece of Morgan.From there, Riley dives into the layered process of coming out: the waiting, the fear of survival, the exhaustion of being visible, the grief of hiding, and the beauty of choosing your own timeline.Whether you’re exploring your identity or walking alongside someone who is, this episode offers grounding, compassion, and hope.❤️ In This Episode, We Explore:🟣 The Preshow MessageThe suicide of Riley’s father-in-lawHow grief and identity are intertwinedLosing another thread connecting Riley to MorganWhy stepping back was necessary and human🟣 Coming Out as a Lifetime of MomentsNot one reveal, but hundredsThe emotional labor behind “Am I safe?”Choosing your truth with intention🟣 Fear, Safety, and the Wisdom of WaitingWhy “just be brave” is unrealisticThe real survival risks queer and fluid people navigateWaiting as an act of self-protection🟣 Morgan’s InfluenceHer unconditional loveHer role in Riley’s acceptance of fluid identityWhy her loss became a turning point🟣 Visibility as Liberation and ExhaustionThe emotional cost of being seenBalancing openness with privacyClaiming authenticity on your own terms🟣 Coming Out Is Never “One and Done”Each new environment requires a new revealThe weariness of repeated explanations“This is me” as a reclaiming of identity🟣 The Grief of HidingThe years spent performing masculinity for survivalFriendships and opportunities missedThe ache of disconnecting from your true self🟣 Practical Guidance for ListenersAssessing emotional and physical safetyCreating a support networkPreparing your words before coming outSetting boundaries and protecting your peace💬 Key Quotes“Coming out isn’t about appearing brave — it’s about alignment.”“Hiding wasn’t just missing out on experiences — I was missing out on myself.”“Every time I say ‘This is me,’ I claim more ground in my own life.”“Your timeline is valid. You choose your moment.”📚 Resources MentionedIf you or someone you love is struggling:988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)Call or text 988Chat: https://988lifeline.orgOutside the U.S.:Please check your local or national crisis hotline.🟢 Connect With the ShowIf this episode moved you, helped you, or made you feel seen:Follow the podcastShare with someone who might need itLeave a rating or review — it truly helpsConnect on social media: Stilettos & Steel Toes Podcast💛 Final MessageYou are not too late for your own life.You are not wrong for needing time.You are not alone in feeling afraid.Your story, your truth, your timing — they belong to you.Thank you for being here.Thank you for listening.Thank you for surviving.
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    14 mins
  • Episode 1: Becoming Riley – The Whole Story

    Episode 1: Becoming Riley – The Whole Story
    Jul 11 2025

    Riley shares their story — from childhood on a Michigan horse farm to becoming the femme, fierce soul behind Stilettos and Steel Toes. A deep dive into identity, loss, and resilience.
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    17 mins
  • This is Stilettos and Steel Toes

    This is Stilettos and Steel Toes
    Jun 16 2025

    Welcome to Stilettos and Steel Toes—a rebellious, raw, and radically honest podcast about living between the binaries. I’m Riley, a genderfluid, femme-presenting service tech, here to share my story and help you embrace yours. From pantyhose to power tools, trauma to triumph, this is where identity, expression, and unapologetic self-love meet. F*ck the dress code—we wear what we want.
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    2 mins
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