This week on Tangent Island I’m joined by Jimanekia Eborn, host and producer of the amazing podcast TRAUMA QUEEN. She specializes in helping folks work through trauma and uses her personal experience and scholarly brain power to help MFs get THROUGH IT. We discuss our frustration with trauma and our desire for change. We also look at coping and processing trauma and the struggle to move on while doing the hard work. Whether you’re setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, or unlearning societal norms, this is a lot to do.Also we reflect on the dangers of unethical spiritual leaders and the shame of trauma work. Jim’s polyamory is discussed at LENGTH and my jaw is on the FLOOR and I make a stunning revelation.

3 THINGS….

Please support the GFM if you can for Nex Benedict in her memory to support her family and also please support them if you can. Alternatively here is a list trans organizations throughout the country that you can learn more about. PROTECT TRANS KIDS PROTECT TRANS PEOPLES!

The Cut has this insane article with the reporter/writer talking to these tweens about their fashion choices and BOY OH BOY do these little a-holes have some OPINIONS. Just kidding! It’s a fun read, I will never shop at Brandy Melville and I want them to stop doing that too.

Last one, TEXAS HOLD’ EM by Beyonce is a JAM. THAT IS ALL.

Please follow Jimanekia! She’s a gem and I love ha. All her info below including her new amazing podcast Trauma Queen which I will be a guest on in a few weeks!

Trauma Queen

Tending The Garden ®

Connective Sex Therapy

Healing Intersections

Cintima.co

https://www.instagram.com/jimanekia

https://twitter.com/Jimanekia

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Ooooooh I was excited to talk to these fools. I convinced Scott Wampler head honcho at The Kingcast and Phil Nobile head honcho at Fangoria to join me to discuss FEAR. We usually talk about horror, sci, and all facets of the spooky and scary but in this episode, we discuss real-life fear, mortality, sobriety, marriage, and general fears realized and otherwise in life. And we try to comprehend the weirdly magnificent but strange Netflix film “Leave The World Behind”. I love talking to these two. Plus 3 recs to go!

00:00 Introduction: Exploring Fear

03:00 Fear of Aging and Regret

06:11 Fear of Failure and Starting

10:45 Fear and Self-Doubt

15:15 Fear of Losing Mental Faculties and Freedom

19:06 Fear of Non-Existence

21:34 Fear of Losing Identity in Relationships

24:50 Fear of Aging and Appearance

27:43 Fear of the Unknown and Global Chaos

32:29 Fear and Energetic Shifts

37:26 Fear of Catastrophic Events

42:39 Fear of Being Forgotten and Legacy

48:23 Fear and Ego

51:13 Fear of Regret and Embracing Life

53:14 The Impact of the Pandemic

54:20 Gratitude and Moving Forward

55:51 Appreciating What We Have

56:47 Technology and Connection

58:16 Finding Your People

59:14 Reflecting on Personal Growth

01:00:12 Evolution and Change

01:01:07 Discovering Relationship Limitations

01:02:05 Commitment and Curiosity

01:03:28 Sticking Through Challenges

01:04:26 The Concept of Permanent Love

01:05:20 Investing in Each Other

01:06:47 Overcoming Fear and Growing Together

01:09:06 Accepting Personal Choices

01:10:35 Evolving Relationships

01:13:26 Learning Compassion and Taking Care of Oneself

01:15:23 Final Thoughts and Recommendations

3 Recs To Go

• This talk by Ruth Sokup, so good. She hosts the podcast Do It Scared. She is a SUR-VIV-OR. Here’s her Ted Talk where she discusses her one simple trick to do it scared and overcome your fears.

• If its available in your area, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE sign up for Kanopy with your library card info. What a great resource for all and it is FREE. It has movies, TV shows, a lot of international options, educational materials and resources. CHECK! IT! OUT!

• My favorite thing to do is fall asleep to brown noise. It’s good for your brain. It softens the noise and lets you fall asleep faster and really stay in it. I loooove this playlist. Let me know if it works for you.

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You know I had to bring in glamazon Abby Gardner a goddess, a writer and host of WE HAVE NOTES to discuss these silly In/Out list that permeated the start of the year, we discussed Quinn Larrabee’s article “Things That Are Over” I read about everything that is over and debated it’s merits. Sometimes I feel icky discussing that I want wealth and luxury. That’s why I needed an equally sassy and glamorous Gen Xer to help me suss out the concept of quiet luxury and personal style and the relationship between financial security and self-worth. We get into the guilt and shame around wanting nice things, creating time for creativity, the impact of ADHD medication, and the importance of avoiding regrets and giving oneself a break. We touch on setting boundaries, knowing your limitations, and letting go of perfectionism. ALSO: the fun and delusion of being a fan and the challenges of building a creative career in the age of social media. And my 3 recs to go!

Chapters

00:00 Desire for Wealth and Luxury

04:17 Quiet Luxury and Personal Style

08:21 Financial Security and Self-Worth

12:13 Rediscovering Personal Style

17:20 The Freedom of Financial Stability

21:06 Guilt and Shame Around Wanting Nice Things

23:24 Creating Time for Creativity

26:08 Taking Control and Owning Your Work

29:13 The Impact of ADHD Medication

33:08 Avoiding Regrets and Giving Yourself a Break

36:22 Discovering Awesomeness in the Face of Awfulness

39:44 Setting Boundaries and Knowing Your Limitations

40:19 Embracing Delusion and Fandom

45:33 The Fun of Being Delulu in Fandom

50:17 The Exhaustion of Building a Creative Career

54:19 The Desire for Recognition and Success

3 Recs To Go!

• Lordy, I loved Napoleon. I’m still thinking about it. Listen I’m a Ridley Scott fan – its not the best movie ever but it has SICK battle scenes, and Joaquin is a perfectly adequate Napoleon Bonaparte. Vanessa Kirby is an exceptional Josephine. You can stream it on AppleTV+

• Le Fooding is a very resourceful and NECESSARY app when you’re in France. We used this every day and it was incredibly useful, especially during the holidays when restaurants and boutiques have weird hours. Because the French know how to take a break. Download the app here.

• And yea—vacuum bags. Please do yourself a favor and get these. Its a game changer - you do NOT want to check bags during the holiday season and if possible, ever. These changed our lives.

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