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The Allusionist

The Allusionist

Written by: Helen Zaltzman
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Adventures in language with Helen Zaltzman. TheAllusionist.org© 2025 Helen Zaltzman Art World
Episodes
  • 224. Cosmic Hairball
    Feb 9 2026

    Pack your oxygen tank, we're going to space. There’s a lot of etymology up there.

    Visit theallusionist.org/cosmic-hairball for more information about the topics in this episode plus a transcript of the episode.

    The singing and score is by Martin Austwick. Download his own songs that aren't about space milk at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp.

    The show is taking a little break, and will return early April 2026. To keep in touch in the meantime, head over to theallusionist.org/donate where from as little as $2/month, or as much as $infinity per month if you prefer, you get written bonus content including behind-the-scenes info about every episode; you also get membership of the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we hang out and keep each other company; watch parties such as Chungking Express, Belle and The Ice Storm, and the current season of Great Pottery Throwdown; AND you get more regular livestreams with me reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries. AND you're keeping this independent podcast going, so thanks very much for doing that and sparing it from going to the farm upstate. You can also sign up for a free account at the same place, to get occasional email updates.

    This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations.

    Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow.

    Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.


    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    16 mins
  • 223. Bonus 2025
    Jan 20 2026

    It's the annual parade of Bonus Bits! Every year, the show's guests say too many interesting things and/or stuff that isn't languagey enough, so I save it up and release it in a delightful melange of facts and thoughts, about language and also not about language. That melange is today, and it includes dinosaur mouths and dinosaur poop, psychedelic plants, feminist cookbooks, and taking a class in profanity.

    You hear, in order of appearance: Alex Ketchum, Martin Austwick, So Mayer, Hannah McGregor, Kelly Elizabeth Wright and Nicole Holliday.

    Content note: there are category A swears in this episode.

    Visit theallusionist.org/bonus2025 for a transcript of the episode and more information about all the people who appear in it, plus links to the previous Allusionists they were in.

    (And yes I know 2025 is over, but I had to delay this for a month while enjoying a nasty bout of laryngitis, AKA Podcaster's Plague.)

    Sign up at patreon.com/allusionist for a free account to get occasional emails about Allusionist events and such, like the birthdaylusionist livestream happening on 24 January at youtube.com/allusionistshow. Or, if you want a not-free account from $2/month, you get some more emails, with behind-the-scenes info about every episode; you also get membership of the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where we hang out and keep each other company, and we're also watching the current season of Great Pottery Throwdown together; AND you get more regular livestreams with me reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries. AND you're keeping this independent podcast going, so thanks very much for doing that.

    This episode was produced by me, Helen Zaltzman, on the unceded ancestral and traditional territory of xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Sḵwx̱wú7mesh (Squamish), and səlilwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations. The music is by Martin Austwick. Download his own songs at palebirdmusic.com and on Bandcamp, and listen to his podcasts Song By Song and Neutrino Watch.

    Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow.

    Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    34 mins
  • 222. A Christmas Carol
    Dec 7 2025

    Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Read by me, Helen Zaltzman; music, sound effects and additional vocals are by Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com.

    Content warning: 200-year-old attitudes towards disability. Also warning for GHOSTS.

    Scroll way down your podfeed or go to theallusionist.org/dickens-christmas to listen to the episode called How The Dickens Stole Christmas, which is about just why this book has such a big influence on festivities even nearly two centuries later. And it features podcasting luminaries Greg Jenner, Katie Mingle and Avery Trufelman.

    There are also several other festive episodes of the show, including ones about why Santa St Nick Father Christmas Kringle Klaas has so many names, Christmas song lyrics where the letters sent to Santa go, and a portmanteau word that kicked off a lot of War On Christmas. They're all gathered at theallusionist.org/festivelusionist.

    Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get to list your creative works in this year's Allusioverse Gift Guide, plus you receive bonus written material about every episode; regular livestreams with me and Martin reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries; and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where among daily sharing of thoughts and amusements, this month we will be watching The Muppet Christmas Carol and Knives Out.

    Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow.

    Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:

    • Greenwood Lake Roasters, purveyors of small batch craft coffee roasted just outside of NYC. Go to GreenwoodLakeRoasters.com to place your order - do it between now and December 31st and use the checkout code ALLUSIONIST to get 10% off small batch coffee and subscription orders.

    • Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.

    • Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime membership - that's unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life - at rosettastone.com/allusionist.

    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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    2 hrs and 48 mins
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